You might have already been under the impression that Dennis Quaid and Meg Ryan didn’t especially get on, what their bitter divorce eight years ago and all, but they don’t get on. In fact, so incessant is the bickering between Dennis Quaid and Meg Ryan that we’re starting to remember why we stopped letting either of them be famous for so long.

We’ll go into this latest spat of bickering between Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid in a moment, but for those of you in a hurry it can best be summed up by Meg Ryan going “ner ner-ner ner ner ner,” in public and then Dennis Quaid being all like “Oh why I oughta…” about it. Hopefully that’s cleared it all up for you.

Forget your Posh & Becks and your Brangelina and your Kerry Katona and her repulsive gonk of a husband – Dennis Quaid and Meg Ryan were literally the golden couple of romantic comedies about microscopic Russians being injected into Martin Short’s arse of the early 1990s. They were adorable – Meg Ryan was America’s favourite sweetheart and Dennis Quaid was America’s favourite fourth-choice budget-conscious Tom Cruise replacement.

But good things couldn’t last and, during the filming of Proof Of Life, Meg Ryan’s fling with Russell Crowe put an end to her marriage with Quaid forever. Why are we reminding you of this? Well, two reasons really. Firstly, because the affair happened eight whole years ago, and secondly because Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid are still prattling on about like a couple of filthy old wazzbarrels.

You may have realised, but Meg Ryan has a film out, The Women. It’s a very important movie for Meg Ryan because, for the first time in about a decade, it’s a movie that looks like it wants to be a hit. It isn’t – it’s rubbish – but at least it’s not an erotic thriller or a drama based on a plucky real-life female boxing promoter, and that’s a big step forward for Meg at the moment.

So Meg’s promoting The Women very carefully, by trying to only slag off easily-ridiculed vice presidential candidates and her own ex-husband. Meg Ryan dragged up her divorce from Dennis Quaid to the latest issue of InStyle magazine:

“Dennis was not faithful to me for a very long time, and that was very painful. I found out more about that after I was divorced.”

Now, that’s quite a petty, vindictive thing to do. What happened between Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid happened eight years ago, and to bring it up now for the sake of a movie is beyond ridic… what’s that? Dennis Quaid has decided to publicly slag off Meg Ryan in an equally petty and vindictive way? Oh, well in that case it’s fine. Here’s what Dennis Quaid told the New York Daily News:

“It was eight years ago, and I find it unbelievable that Meg continues publicly to rehash and rewrite the story of our relationship. Also, I find it regrettable that our son, Jack, has to be reminded in a public way of the turmoil and pain that every child feels in a divorce.”

God! These people! Why don’t they just leave it alone, eh? Both Meg and Dennis have moved on in recent years – Meg to the world of adopted babies and critical obscurity and Dennis to almost-dead babies and critical obscurity. Can’t they just be happy with what they’ve got?

Also, bitching about your ex-spouse in print is just so early 1990s. If Dennis Quaid and Meg Ryan are serious about tearing open all the red-raw wounds of their divorce in public, they need to get with the times. Someone needs to throw a laptop at an old lady in a wheelchair, that’s the only way we’ll take the pair of them seriously.

That’s because, for once, we understand why. When other actors started ragging on Sarah Palin, it was because they were cynically trying to prove that they’re not just moronic overpaid puppets with nice hair. But now Meg Ryan has decided to express her opinion on Sarah Palin, and her rationale for doing so comes from a much purer place.

Don’t you see? Meg Ryan is only trying to jump in on Sarah Palin because she just wants everyone to remember that she actually exists. It’s OK Meg Ryan, we remember. You can go now.

Let’s play a game. It’s a good game that we’ve just invented. It’s called The Next Person To Even Mention Sarah Palin Gets Kicked In The Jaw.

Because, dear God celebrities, we get it. We get that Sarah Palin is a clueless-looking redneck who perpetually lives in the dark, often huddles inside moose entrails for warmth and thinks that Earth was created last Wednesday by a robot with a beard. We get it because you haven’t bloody shut up about it for the last few weeks.

In a way, it proves what a divisive figure Sarah Palin is – the last time Diddy and Matt Damon and Pamela Anderson and Lindsay Lohan spoke out about the same subject it was because the valet service at Nobu can be dreadfully slapdash at times – but, in another way, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.

However, having said that, if there’s one female celebrity who we’ll allow to have an opinion on Sarah Palin it’s Meg Ryan. That’s because Meg Ryan genuinely hasn’t had an opinion about anything since she was ostracised from Hollywood for having it off with Russell Crowe behind Dennis Quaid’s back and then getting some weird surgery done on her face to made her mouth look like a kind of disgusting fleshy Ikea shelving unit.

So, without any further ado, here’s Meg Ryan’s staggering profound take on Sarah Palin:

“I guess we have to root for her in that her son just went off to Iraq, that’s gotta be really, really tough. But she doesn’t represent my politics at all.”

What? Christ, no wonder you’re not famous any more, Meg Ryan. That hardly makes it seem as if you hate Sarah Palin at all. Didn’t you get the memo? You’re allowed to either hate Sarah Palin with every fibre of your body or dance around in a stetson firing a gun into the sky and crying at Toby Keith songs. That statement? Well, it’s neither. What a completely pointless thing for you to say.

Of course, it helps that Meg Ryan has a new movie, The Women, out. We haven’t bothered to find out what The Women is actually about, but that’s only because it’s called The Women and we assumed it’s about ironing and curtains and periods and stuff. We’re sure it’s very good.

Maybe banging on about Sarah Palin is Meg Ryan’s way to prove that she’s still alive. You know, like Osama bin Laden sometimes does when he releases a new tape and discusses the weather or the last episode of Friends or Cat Deeley’s new haircut just to make sure that everyone knows it’s recent.

Maybe Meg Ryan only mentioned Sarah Palin during promotion for The Women so people wouldn’t think that it was made in the early 1990s. Because, let’s be honest, that’s realistically when it seems like a comedy drama about rich women slowly gaining their independence starring Meg Ryan, Annette Bening and Bette Midler should have been made, isn’t it.