Everyone knows why Ant & Dec are successful. It’s because ITV keep giving them money to appear on television. Their success is also built on a natural rapport and an overwhelming level of similarity that often leads old people to ask which one is which. No-one really knows.
There are very few double acts that are still going these days, aside from Ant & Dec, there is only really Paddy McGuinness and his delusion who are operating in tandem. Think about it- if you could have any two people to form a double act and be commissioned to make television programmes, who would you want?
If you said anything other than Mark Wright and Dougie Poynter then you clearly have no interest in the future of prime time television.
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Here at hecklerspray, we’re generally less than thrilled when one of our colleagues has any success that we weren’t part of. In fact we hate them and wish them nothing but sorrow on a daily basis.
We generally despise anyone who seems to be doing well or progressing in their career because we’re entirely aware of how useless we really are and that the only difference between us and a 5 year old, is our ability to drink heavily and use spellcheck.
Are we bitter about this?
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Former singer and current one-hit-wonder masquerading as a musical intellectual, Sinitta, has never been lauded for her intelligence or even for her musical talent but her latest move, “sensationally” quitting the ITV anus-fest “I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!” before she even got as far as the airport.
According to sources, Sinitta was under the impression that the show was a massive hoax, put out by profligate executives who are willing to pay not only the wages of Geordie mafia boys Ant n’ Dec but also fork out for a luxury hotel for the stars to live in while they’re not being filmed.
Silly Sinitta.
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Expand or Contract?
Folded
- McFly Air Mags – No, not the rubbish popstrels. Marty McFly’s trainers from Back To The Future II EXIST.
- Fictional Products - In response to Marty’s Air Mags, Editor Mof has laid down the gauntlet to our readers, asking you what you’d like to see made reality.
- DeVitomon! – Ever wondered what Danny DeVito would look like as Pikachu? Don’t panic…
- Zero Punctuation – This week, The Escapist’s resident ranter shouts at Deus Ex: Human Revolution which is bloody wonderful.
- hecklerspray on Vimeo - Forgive us for blowing our own trumpet but we’ve finally got our act together and got our arses onto Vimeo. So, every time we make a stupid little video of some guy with an attitude problem or a fat hipster pretending to kick the bucket, you can see it there.
Creased
Yesterday brought the news that Amy Winehouse had decided to take a stroll to the hospital.
It wasn’t because she finally realised she was slowly destroying her insides, it was simply down to having a crazy reaction to the medication slowly digesting in her stomach.
Many people have placed bets on her dying before the end of the year due to her body slowly fading away and her apparent ability to always be pictured with a ciggie and a can of Superbrew.
Yesterday saw a couple of people prematurely attempting to cash in that betting slip, but they were wrong to do so – those good people at the NHS managed to fix her up with some sticky tape and drinks straws.
It’s now surfaced that she’s returned to hospital and her ever-suffering father Mitch has told us what caused her freakout. It was indeed an issue with drugs, but not the good kind. Oh no!
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