Maxim - HecklerSpray

The Christina Aguilera Nudes You Are Looking For (19 PICS)

Were you around during the Britney vs. Xtina glory days of the 90s? If you’re a Christina Aguilera fan, put your hands up. That’s it. And slowly put them down and relax. Sit back and take a deep breath. You’re going to see Xtina nude. It’s going to be a wild ride.

The 90s Aguilera is the best Aguilera. Slim with a taut waist. Dirty blonde hair with streaks of black. Micro braids and semi-dreadlocks. She did midriff-baring better than anyone else. She was at the absolute peak of her youth and powers. Even better than a vagina flaunting Britney Spears.

We Waited Years to See These Sarah Shahi Nudes (18 PICS)

Half-Iranian and half-Spanish Sarah Shahi is a Persian princess who also happens to be a hot American actress. No really, she’s the great-great granddaughter of some royal Iranian king in the 19th century. Bet you didn’t know that.

We know Shahi from way back when she was famous for being a sexy Dallas Cowboy cheerleader before she morphed into an actress in pretty good shows like Life and the crime drama Person of Interest.

She’s always been a hottie and a fan favorite. There were some fantastic old Maxim photoshoots of her that are still lining college football lockers throughout the country.

Amazing Lake Bell Nudes Leaked for the Good of Mankind (31 PICS)

With a name like Lake Bell, you never really know what to expect. But these leaked pictures of a very naked Ms Bell are looking really good right now.

So who the hell is this woman now? An American actress, writer and director, Bell starred in TV shows like Boston Legal and Childrens Hospital alongside films like Million Dollar Arm. A popular sex symbol, she’s been a constant on the Maxim Hot 100 as well as magazines like Esquire.

Hypocritical Christina Aguilera Washes Up, Loses Booze Bloat for Maxim

September 5th, 2013 By Megan Leitch

Christina Aguilera has apparently decided to stop living off vodka and empanadas, and learned how to finally use foundation much closer to her natural skin tone. ?Of course, this new found weight loss means it’s time to drop her pants again and get “Dirrty” on September’s?Maxim?cover.

For the last few years, when people commented on Christina Aguilera’s growing frame, Xtina refused to let it get to her. ?She was a proud curvy girl! ?She played up the Spanish heritage card and told anyone who would listen that she loved her body, and bigger was how she was meant to be. ?I mean, she kept unattractively stuffing her size 12 frame into a 2 and resembling a sausage, but that was her right! ?Funny how it isn’t until now, after dropping all that weight, that she suddenly loses her clothes to pose in sexy magazines.?

Miley Cyrus Reminds You That It’s Now Legal To Stare At Her Butt Cheeks

May 17th, 2013 By Rhiannon Davies

In a move that would have been frowned-upon a mere three years ago, Maxim has named Miley Cyrus as Number 1 in their annual Hot 100 list.

That’s quite a bump up from her spot at No.68 in last year’s list, although she has had an entire year to earn a few more million dollars to throw at the magazine.

Official: Katy Perry Is Quite Good To Masturbate To

May 11th, 2010 By Stuart Heritage

Not so long ago, Mad Men‘s Christina Hendricks was named as the best-looking woman in America by Esquire.

That doesn’t mean anything to anybody. Esquire? Who reads that? A bunch of aftershave-wearing lah-di-dahs, that’s who. Nobody cares about Esquire. And ‘best-looking’? We’re judging women here, not hanging baskets. So sorry Christina Hendricks, we’re declaring your title null. No, a better test would be to ask Maxim who the hottest woman in the world is – because Maxim is only read by horny teenage boys, and ‘hottest’ clearly means ‘most likely to make said horny teenage boys drop their pants and start gruesomely molesting themselves’.

So in that case, well done Katy Perry! According to Maxim magazine, Katy Perry is the hottest woman in the world today. Hold your head high, Katy! Hold it high in the knowledge that you’re responsible for about 300 gallons of spilt adolescent semen. Be proud, Katy!

Olivia Wilde Is The Hottest, Whoever Olivia Wilde Is

May 14th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Are you a fan of the TV show House? Is it because you’re also a fan of watching the exact same thing happen week after week?

Or is it because of Olivia Wilde? It can’t be because of Olivia Wilde, because nobody actually knows who Olivia Wilde is. Unless you’re a reader of Maxim, that is, because it’s just named Olivia Wilde as the woman who most horny adolescent boys imagine while they thrash away at their exhausted red-raw todgers with their clammy little hands the second that their parents leave the house.

Or the world’s hottest woman. Either/or.

Maxim Sorry For That Whole Fake Black Crowes Review Thing

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

When Maxim gave two and a half stars to The Black Crowes' new album Warpaint, suspicions everywhere were raised pretty quickly.

Because, come on, two and a half stars out of five for an album by The Black Crowes? That's a bit bloody generous by anyone's standards.

Anyway, now that The Black Crowes have kicked up an almighty stink about Maxim's fake Warpaint review, the magazine has been forced into issuing a humiliating apology that's bound to harm its readership. After all, how are horny teenage boys expected to wank themselves into a sticky mess over pictures of Megan Fox in a bikini now they know that a blues-oriented hard rock jam-band got given an invented but probably accurate review in a previous issue?

Maxim’s Mystical Gypsy Album-Reviewer Loathes The Black Crowes

March 31st, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

The US Prison in Cumberland, MD isn't a perfect institution by any stretch of the imagination. We will say this about it though, of all the prisons we've ever been incarcerated in for three years or more at a time, Cumberland absolutely positively has the best tater tots we've ever tasted.

We were sceptical at first as the plate containing them slid under our half-ton steel door. They were piled in a sloppy pyramid next to green beans and some tough chicken. We pushed them around with our fork for a bit, then stabbed one to bring it up for a sniff. It smelled potato-ish, this was refreshing. Also, we individually spun a dozen of them on our right-pointy finger at the same time. This looked totally awesome. Then we used the tater tots to circumvent the in-house security system and knock out lots of guards until we gained our freedom.

Once outside the perimeters, we touched the sweet sweet tots to our lips and experienced a taste explosion unparallelled by any we'd ever experienced before. When we came to we realised this was because we'd coincidentally been tazed just then, but still. The tots were good, man.

Actually, none of that was true. We've never been to prison, and if we had we're sure we'd be permanently too scared to eat. Our potato review stands though, because you don't need to taste a tot to know it'd be delicious. It's kind of the way Maxim reviews albums apparently – without listening to them at all. It seems they did that to the Black Crowes just recently here.