Maurice Greene – the man who’s a bit like Usain Bolt but not as fast or really as good – is out of Dancing With The Stars.

This isn’t a time for sadness, though, because Maurice Greene was still in the last five Dancing With The Stars contestants, making him – by our calculations – over 4,000 times better at dancing than Kim Kardashian but not nearly as good as that balloon-faced twonk from ‘N Sync.

And also, Maurice Greene should look on his Dancing With The Stars elimination as a positive thing – now that he doesn’t have to dedicate so much of his life to dance training, Maurice Greene can go back to doing what he does best. We think that’s running a short distance slightly slower than Usain Bolt. Correct us if we’re wrong.

Dancing With The Stars is zipping towards its conclusion and, while that’s definitely something to celebrate if you don’t like watching people you didn’t know were famous jiggle their manboobs around underneath a sparkly pink lycra blouse, it’s also a time to look back with fondness on those we lost upon the way.

Cloris Leachman, Kim Kardashian, that volleyball player woman, Rocco DiSpirito, Toni Braxton, that big haired woman from the daytime soap we’ve never even heard of – we’ll miss every single one of you. Well, not Rocco DiSpirito obviously – we didn’t know you existed in the first place and, frankly, we think you might be making your name up.

Anyway, now we can add Maurice Greene to the list of Dancing With The Stars casualties. Last night Maurice Greene was eliminated from Dancing With The Stars after his Quickstep and Paso Doble failed to cut it with the viewing audience.

But, because he made it so far into Dancing With The Stars without getting voted out or having to go for surgery because he had a minge growing on his appendix or anything, Maurice Greene still managed to hold his head up in defeat, saying:

“I had a lot of fun. I made a lot of new friends out here. I learned how to dance out here in front of millions of people every night. I had a great time.”

It’s a bittersweet moment. Although the speech was a begrudging admission that he was never able to adapt his running style – presumably developed from years of running away from bullies because someone decided to name him Maurice – to a reality TV show about ballroom dancing, at least he carried on the proud tradition of the pointlessly bland Dancing With The Stars elimination statement. Congratulations, Maurice.

And, now that Maurice Greene is out, it means that the dancers gunning for a spot in the Dancing With The Stars final are Lance Bass, Brooke Burke, Warren Sapp and Cody Linley. That’s why we can confidently assert right now that the winner of Dancing With The Stars will be someone not particularly famous who nobody can really bring themselves to care about much. Call it intuition if you like.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!