Matthew McConaughey - HecklerSpray

The Top 10 Sexiest TV Detectives

October 26th, 2014 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

People who solve crimes are pretty sexy. I mean, not as sexy as criminals, because everyone loves a badass, but overall, being the person who figures shit out and saves the day is pretty hot. Just look at Columbo! (Just kidding, don’t look at Columbo, he’s a troll, but damn does he solve a good mystery).

Anyway, unlike in the real world, where detectives aren’t all that hot, television detectives are usually total fucking babes with chips on their shoulder and dark pasts, which I find very appealing. Here is a ranking of the top 10 tv detectives that make me drool.

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The 5 Best Moments from the 2014 Oscars

October 26th, 2014 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

So, the Oscars happened Sunday night and, I’ve got to say, it was a pretty great show. Ellen DeGeneres was an absolutely delightful host, there were some solid musical numbers, a bunch of beautiful people won acting Oscars and gave lovely speeches, Brad and Angelina were there, Gravity didn’t win Best Picture, so all in all it was a great night for me.

However, all these “nice” moments weren’t what made the show so great for me. Sure, I like a moving speech and Matthew McConaughey’s “Alright alright alright” as much as anyone, but it was these five moments, in no particular order, that made say “Yep, this Oscar show is special.”

From Lindsay Lohan to Russell Brand: Hollywood’s Most Embarrassing Arrests

December 5th, 2012 By Nic Ferguson

Lindsay Lohan’s recent arrest was completely unsurprising, but it did remind us of one thing?celebrities get handcuffed and booked for some shameful shit.

We all have past faux pas we’d like to forget, but for celebrities, those pasts are forever documented in history. Without further adieu, here are some of Hollywood’s most embarrassing arrests.

Jared Leto and Matthew McConaughey Looking Crazy Hot

March 23rd, 2013 By Chris Chambers

Two of America’s hottest actors, Jared Leto and Matthew McConaughey, look virtually unrecognizable in photographs taken?on the New Orleans set of their new movie, The Dallas Buyer’s Club. Jared looks?rough, though strangely alluring,?as an 80s-era crossdresser, and Matthew’s emaciated frame is made even creepier by jet black hair and?a?John Holmes mustache.

The movie, set in the 1980s and loosely based on a true story, tells the story of?a man named Ron Woodruff, played by Matthew,?who is struggling through the late stages of HIV/AIDS (hence his painfully scrawny body). Jared’s character, Rayon, is also?an AIDS patient who helps Ron smuggle drugs in from Mexico. Not the fun drugs you usually think about being smuggled into the U.S. from Mexico, but illegal anti-viral medications.

Matthew McConaughey Claims To Be A True Texan Sparking Mass State-wide Exodus

March 12th, 2012 By Michael Park

Along with Keanu Reeves, Matthew McConaughey is one of those actors that make you think “I could do that”. His down-home style and inability to replicate a wide range of emotions, make McConaughey one of Hollywood’s most saught-after romantic comedy actors.

Now it seems that the 42-year-old has sparked one of the largest movements of population since the days of the pioneers by claiming he feels like a true Texan.

The actor recently relocated from Los Angeles to his native state of Texas with fianc? Camila Alves and their two small children and things were going along just fine until he had to open his massive trap, leaving many Texans feeling as though they had no alternative but to up-sticks and make a break for the border.

Matthew McConaughey Has A New Baby Girl To Embarrass

January 4th, 2010 By Stuart Heritage

Matthew McConaughey had so much to celebrate – like his inability to wear shirts and the sudden reversal of his baldness.

But now there’s more. Yesterday morning, Matthew McConaughey welcomed a baby girl into his life. A baby girl named Vida Alves McConaughey. The meaning of the name is a little unclear – while Vida is Portuguese for ‘life’, it’s also an anagram of ‘diva’, which could be a reference to the baby’s mother; or ‘a div’, which is almost certainly a reference to her father.

Still, we’re thrilled that Matthew McConaughey had a baby girl – in our experience, girls have a slightly increased tolerance to the stream of insultingly bad romantic comedies that McConaughey makes for a living, so at least they’ll have something to bond over.

Jennifer Lopez Runs Triathlon To Prove She’s Harder Than You

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Jennifer Lopez could beat you in a fight, have no doubt of that – she’d trample your stupid face into the dirt and then shatter your ribs with her arse.

What makes us so sure of this? Because Jennifer Lopez has just taken part in a triathlon, that’s why. Jennifer Lopez has taken part in a triathlon and you’re slobbing around on the internet completely oblivious to the fact that your body’s slowly congealing into a giant dollop of jellied pork pie filling. And that’s a scientific fact.

What’s even more impressive is that Jennifer Lopez ran her triathlon yesterday despite only giving birth to twins six months ago. Not only does that show supreme dedication to fitness training on Jennifer Lopez’s part, but there’s also a nice little kickback for the twins, too – now, rather than breast milk, Jennifer Lopez lactates a mixture of sweat, Gatorade and an unusually concentrated dose of Epinephrine. Delicious!

Stupid-Named Surfers Charged Over McConaughey Beach Thump

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Think carefully – what’s the most extreme reaction you’ve ever had towards Matthew McConaughey? A yawn? A twitch? An imperceptible shrug?

Not if you’re a surfer. Surfers see Matthew McConaughey as their hero, their dim mahogany idol. And if you mess with Matthew McConaughey you mess with the entire surfer community, as a group of paparazzi found out in June when the surfers rounded on them for taking pictures of McConaughey and shoved them around a bit.

Now two surfers have been charged for the McConaughey paparazzi flare-up. But that’s not important. What’s important are the names of the people involved in the scuffle, because they’re so stupid it’s impossible not to find the whole thing hilarious. Spoiler alert – one of them’s called Skylar.

Coming Soon: Matthew McConaughey Magazine Bidding War for First Photos of Son’s Placenta

March 24th, 2009 By hecklerspray staff

We’re not 100% sure on this, but Matthew McConaughey may not actually know what a placenta is.

We say this because the placenta from the birth of his newborn son, Levi, is going to star opposite Matthew in his next romantic comedy. You see, believe it or not, Matty-boy has still not hit rock bottom. Plus, the placenta is a more interesting version of Kate Hudson for about the same price.

Okay, we made all that up. The truth is that McConaughey is going to use the placenta to fertilize a tree.

There. That’s much less retarded.

Matthew McConaughey Unironically Names Baby After Biblical Figure

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

As the world slowly comes to terms with the fact that Matthew McConaughey has successfully spawned, fears over what he’d name his baby have gradually taken hold.

But it’s OK – Matthew McConaughey isn’t like all these other ridiculous celebrities with their weird predilictions for nutty baby names. Instead Matthew McConaughey has chosen a simple, humble name for his new son – Levi Alves McConaughey – after his favourite character in the Bible.

By naming his baby Levi, Matthew McConaughey must secretly hope that the boy grows up to be the equal of the biblical figure – an astrologist who once stabbed the entire male population of a city to death because one of them might have raped his sister. Still, rather that than making romantic comedies for a living like his dad, eh?