Matthew Broderick is a man with a surprisingly unremarkable film career.
We don’t mean he doesn’t make money- we’re sure he’s super-successful if judged by wealth. However, before you continue reading, grab a pad of paper and a pen. If, like us, you get hand-cramp from even writing your own name, then just open up a word document instead.
Now make a list of all the Matthew Broderick films of which you can remember. Done that? Now cross out all the ones that weren’t artistic travesties. Come on, be honest with yourselves. By the way if you didn’t cross out Godzilla it’s probably best if you cease this exercie immediately.
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Ferris Bueller, the 80s wild child played by Matthew Broderick, only had one problem in his annoyingly perfect life, the relentless Dean of Students at his High School, Ed Rooney.
Well, Ferris’s days of running from Mr. Rooney can finally be put behind him after 14 long years as actor Jeffrey Jones was sentenced to 250 hours community service and 3 years probation for failing to update his details on the sex offenders register.
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We’re looking at two releases here at Hecklerspray this week; the new Jack Black/Michael Cera Neanderthal comedy Year One and a Blu-ray release of the much maligned lizard dump Godzilla.
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Sarah Jessica Parker, you sicken us. Paying a woman to be a surrogate mother is simply not God’s way.
If you wanted children so badly, Sarah Jessica Parker, then you should have done it the natural way – by arbitrarily choosing a smallish African nation and bullying it into giving you a child. Or, if you were having trouble conceiving a baby in that way, then you should have built a school teaching your crackpot religion until the country feels guilty and changes its mind. But doing it via a surrogate, as you’ve just done? Ugh.
But congratulations and everything, yeah?
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You know at the end of that 1999 Godzilla remake how even though the monster was dead, it still left big, green eggs all the heck over the place?
Well Matthew Broderick‘s character was probably all “Oh eff! What the effing eff!” But it ended up he needn’t have worried because the film flopped, graciously preventing a tired-already franchise from getting off the ground.
The thing is – it appears he may have stopped worrying too soon about little lizard babies. Because his possibly-reptilian wife’s southern regions are about to be torn asunder with twins.
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