It happened with The Blair With Project, and now it’s probably going to be happening with Cloverfield too, so long as the director can get his act together. Almost a year after it was greenlit, Cloverfield director Matt Reeves still hasn’t made is mind up about what to do with Cloverfield 2.

Don’t get him wrong, he has ideas about Cloverfield 2, he just doesn’t know where to set it. Or who’ll star in it. Or when it’ll take place. Or what’ll happen in it. Or if he’ll direct it or not. But, seriously, once Matt Reeves has those details down, Cloverfield 2 is going to be excellent. Or rubbish. Or somewhere between those two.

We don’t know about you, but we’re really excited about the prospect of Cloverfield 2 – especially if it’s about the same monster attack, but compiled from sources that weren’t seen in the orginal movie. That way we’ll get to see the effects of a giant squid rampaging through New York from the perspective of people who aren’t insufferably smug cocknozzles, and that would be quite nice.

But, although that’s what was discussed when Cloverfield 2 was first mooted, it might not be what’ll happen in the movie. And that’s because nobody seems to have the first clue about what Cloverfield 2 will even be about. Not even Cloverfield director Matt Reeves.

And this isn’t some hokey Christopher Nolan manouvre to stall the inevitable and hold out for more money for the sequel – Matt Reeves genuinely doesn’t seem to have a clue what he’s going to do with Cloverfield 2. MTV reports:

Reeves says that talks have been frequent if sporadic over the last nine months. “At times it’s gone dormant and then its come back up again,” Reeves says of the brainstorming over a sequel. “There are a couple ideas that have potential but we haven’t quite cracked it yet… When we were in Japan we thought, wouldn’t it be cool to do it here,” he said.

So Cloverfield 2 might be set in Japan, might be set at the same time as the original movie and might be directed by someone other than Matt Reeves, but might not be. You know what? We’re worried that Cloverfield 2 is never going to happen because everyone involved is too busy sitting around with their thumb up their arse. So, to hurry things along here, we’ve drawn up a list of potential Cloverfield 2 plots, which Matt Reeves can use completely free of charge:

1 - Cloverfield 2 is set in a military base at the time of the attacks, and consists of nothing but a cigar-chomping US general’s face getting redder and redder for two hours.

2 - Set Cloverfield 2 at the same time as the original, but on the set of a porn film at the top of a skyscraper. That way you have perspective across the city, a means to film the attack, and boobies.

3 - Hire Matthew Broderick to play a reporter in Cloverfield 2. That way you can just film a couple of minutes of footage and edit it Godzilla and hope nobody notices.

4 - Cloverfield 2 is set at the same time as the original attack, but thousands of miles away at a dinner party in Surrey where everyone is completely oblivious to it because they’re all having awkward, slightly drunk conversations with each other.

5 – Set Cloverfield 2 after the monster has been killed, so we can see the parents of Rob and Hud agree that they’re pleased their sons died because they were both douchey hipster wankers.

6 – Cloverfield 2 is actually a prequel where we learn that monster attacked New York because earlier that morning it had a fight with its girlfriend because she used all the hot water in the shower again.

7 - Anything. Cloverfield 2 can be about anything. Just, please, stop shaking the sodding camera around so much. We really don’t want to go home from the cinema wiping someone else’s vomit from the back of our heads again.

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Even though it's only been out for less than a week, it's been reported that a Cloverfield sequel is already in the works, with director Matt Reeves already brimming with ideas on how to gobble up every last penny explore every last creative avenue that a Cloverfield sequel would open.

However, if a Cloverfield sequel is made, let's not forget the lesson that The Matrix taught us – that no sequel is complete without a lengthy underground slow-motion rave scene. 

We'll give JJ Abrams one thing – he might be responsible for Lost, a TV show that can't answer a single question unless it's given 12 hours and the keys to the flashback cupboard first – but he knows how to hype a good movie.

Ever since trailers for the then-untitled Cloverfield hit the internet, the planet has been abuzz with questions like "Did a monster do this?" and "Really? The Statue Of Liberty's head is that small?" – and they've only grown louder since Cloverfield was released, culminating in Cloverfield's record-breaking weekend box office yesterday. 

And as we all know, where there's cash, there's a sequel. So although Cloverfield apparently succeeds because of its ambiguity and – we assume – all the characters die at the end – director Matt Reeves is still talking up the possibility of Cloverfield 2: On The Rocks. Monsters And Critics quotes him as saying:

"Only time will tell. While we were on set making the film we talked about the possibilities and directions of how a sequel can go. The fun of this movie was that it might not have been the only movie being made that night, there might be another movie! In today's day and age of people filming their lives on their iphones and handy cams, uploading it to YouTube… That was kind of exciting thinking about that."

Of course – because Cloverfield is made from fragments of supposedly 'found' videotape, there's no reason why there can't be infinite versions of the same story told. We now know how the vapid party hipsters coped with the Cloverfield attack, but what about other people who'd have cameras on them, like the tourists, or the hapless TV documentary crew, or the amateur porn enthusiasts? What about their story?

This could happen because everyone has a camera of some sort on them most of the time, as this is the social networking generation and Cloverfield is the social networking Godzilla. And that's true, because we were just Facebook-poked by the Cloverfield monster because it's just updated its status from 'Raaaauuuuuurrrgh!" to "Groooaaaauuuuurrrrgh!"

But anyway, Matt Reeves can kid himself that the Cloverfield sequels will exactly follow the timeline of the original exactly from different perspectives, but he knows in his heart that they won't. Cloverfield 2 might, but then Cloverfield 3 will want to answer questions about the attack and be filmed like a slick, traditional blockbuster from the perspective of the military.

Then Cloverfield 4 will be released, where the monster will have a wisecracking cartoon meercat sidekick, and then everyone will get sick of Cloverfield for five years until Rob Zombie offers to do a reimagining of the original Cloverfield with an industrial heavy metal soundtrack and a long scene that shows the monster being bullied at school by an older kid who looks identical to the Statue Of Liberty to show where it got so angry.

Still, rather that than Book Of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, eh?

Read more:

Cloverfield Director Talks Sequels – Monsters And Critics