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Impressionists. It’s hard to know whether to laugh at them or kill them by strangling them with their own vocal chords.
Alas, they’re not all idiots. Some are rather good and inventive with it. Of course, most aren’t. Most are jarring nincompoops.
However, one chap has an A-to-Z of celebrity impressions and, while some aren’t too hot, some are really, really great.
Tobey Maguire – recently confirmed to produce a new ‘gritty’ version of The Little Mermaid ha ha ha ha ha ha ha – is playing dumb at the moment after being accused of having an illegal gambling ring which also featured Matt Damon, Leonardo DiCaprio and Ben Affleck.
Imagine the conversations they have around the table. It must be like putting your ear to a sea-shell and listening to a hermit crab fall asleep mid-wank.
Anyway, the man who ruined Spiderman for everyone was named in an illegal gambling suit in which he was sued for taking part in a game with jailed criminal Bradley Ruderman.
Lea Michele, you know, the gal from Glee that does the singing, is shallower than a reflecting pool and gets drinks thrown on her for larks, is a MASSIVE bitch… apparently.
Well, obviously Lea isn’t actually a massive bitch… as far as we know… we’re not really allowed to get too close to her, but that is what Hailee Steinfeld wants you to believe. Who is Hailee Steinfeld we hear you ask?
To be honest we don’t know, however, let it never be said that the hecklerspray team are not thorough. After a good 10 minutes of navigating Wikipedia we managed to conclude that she’s someone who stars in True Grit, which is a film, so good for her.
Michael Douglas has been very, very ill recently. The 357 year old Hollywood star has been battling throat cancer, which really isn’t very funny at all. In fact, it’s downright depressing.
However, the good news is, is that Douglas is making good progress and that he’s already eyeing up work when he takes on the role of Liberace.
You heard. Liberace. Imagine Michael Douglas covered in sequins and camping it up and belting out pianner licks like his hands were on fire! Read More >>>
They said that Green Zone was like the Bourne films, just because the actor was the same and the director was the same and most of the time the camera wobbled around so much that it was hard to work out what was actually going on.
But was it? Was it really? Actually, yes. So much so that, when it came to giving us a competition prize, Universal gave us Green Zone (out on July 12) and all three Bourne films on Blu-Ray, possibly because they thought they were giving us four copies of the same film. That’s just how similar they are.
So, fancy winning the Blu-Rays? Better look after the jump, then…
Matt Damon joins the legions of celebrities whining about problems that you wish you could have.
For instance no one else in this world would be able to whine about getting Brad Pitt’s soggy leftovers, and get away with it.
The actor, best known for movies that don’t suck a rusty bolt/ having the good manners to know how to act, gave an interview with The Sunday Times. To be clear, no, we have not yet graduated from our beloved comics to fancy-people newspapers. Though, on occasion, we do need to crack open a page or two. Just to see what all the fuss is about.
You may have read that Matt Damon died recently during a hunt for lost Mexican gold in the desert. Well, guess what?
He didn’t. Matt Damon is still alive. It’s shocking, we know. All the parts of the story seemed to add up – Matt Damon does look like the sort of person who’ll eventually end up dying, and his thirst for perilous Indiana Jones-style archaeological adventures is what people love him best for – but it was all a lie.
In fact, instead of dying in horrible circumstances, Matt Damon went to Italy. So at least the rumours were close.
Here’s some advance warning – Matt Damon and Paul Greengrass are making a fourth Bourne film, so stock up on the motion sickness pills while you still can.
That’s right – although The Bourne Ultimatum seemed to end with a satisfyingly piece of trilogy closure, you can now be pretty sure it didn’t. Bourne 4 is on the way and there’s nothing anybody can do about it.
Best of all, Bourne 4 will be the first Bourne film not to be based on a Robert Ludlum novel. Phew, finally we won’t have to worry about plot or character development or anything – just endless scenes of Matt Damon jumping across buildings and arbitrarily punching people while being filmed by what appears to be a drunk Parkinson’s sufferer trying to operate a pneumatic drill on a trampoline on a boat in a storm. Perfect.
