mashed potatoes - HecklerSpray

Paul McCartney To Raise The Beatles From The Dead For The Olympics Opening Ceremony

July 12th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

We despair about living in England. Out of every country in the world, we are the only nation that takes pride in former glories and absolutely nothing else. We’ve got nothing to look forward to. Nothing.

And when it comes to music, no band takes our regressive national pride to stalker-levels like The Beatles. It's an actual fact that people in Liverpool aren't christened in holy water. Instead, melted down Beatles records are used to make sure any young child gets a proper passage into the world we live in.

Even though the fab four haven't made a record for decades (seriously! What’s George Harrison up to these days? Nothing. Lazy oaf!) it hasn't stopped rock n? roll granddad Paul McCartney from muscling in with his ideas on how an ageing band with no relevance on modern music can help creating an exciting opening Olympic ceremony. Where’s Mark Chapman when you need him?

Snoop Dogg Wants A Quiet Night In

July 8th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

What does Snoop Dogg like? He likes weed. He likes expensive brandy. He likes his bitches in bikinis gyrating sexlessly by the pool. He likes all three at once while smirking at his cross-country runner torso and making up his own language… y’know, the same way lonely children do?

And with the rapper’s 40th birthday due (Yeah! 40! He seems much, much older doesn’t he?) imminent, we can all assume that he wants to combine his love of endo, hos and whatnot for the party to end all parties, right?

WRONG! MASSIVELY WRONG! HOW STUPID YOU ARE!

Snoop Dogg Plansizzles His Own Rangizzles Of Tastizzle Treatsizzles

July 4th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

There are loads of differences between Snoop Dogg and hecklerspray. The most obvious is the jet set lifestyle, stupidly sized mansion and the ability to string words together to form coherent sentences.

The only thing we’ve achieved to date has been conquering our local takeaway’s challenge, ?the kebab of doom? which is a meal comprised of the mangled carcasses of multiple animals, piled 5ft high in a pitta, with a secret Creme Egg centre. Finish it and you get a free can of pop.

We always thought that our food feat gave us one-over on Snoop Dogg, but not content with speaking like a child who has their own comedy language, the rapper has decided to venture in to the world of snacks, taking away our only glory. Given some of the lyrical content that Snoop raps about, tucking in to something tasty would probably be quite refreshing given the after effects of certain types of cigarettes.