Yes, it would seem that everyone involved in the investigation – which covered the whole of the US – can breathe a sigh of relief, as they will not have to present themselves in front of a grand jury. This includes one Mary-Kate Olsen, whose involvement with Ledger was something questions have been raised about for a number of months now.

Fortunately for the twin-billionaire, with the case being dropped she will no longer be forced to appear for any legal proceedings, nor will she have to keep up her claims for immunity.

The collective eyebrow of the world probably isn’t quite as raised any more.

Reports on TMZ have highlighted the amount of confusion and ridiculousness in what they call a ‘power grab’ by the DEA. Heath Ledger’s death was something that should have been investigated by the NYPD, in many people’s views, and there was no reason for the feds to get involved in the whole thing.

Basically because it was ruled an accidental death and there was no criminal element linked to the proceedings. Which, y’know, is pretty much necessary for the federales to get involved, normally. What with that being their job description and all – not hassling people because someone accidentally killed themselves.

This does mean that we may never get to see Mary-Kate Olsen doing her best to look like she’s capable of functioning in the real world, as she explains her case to a grand jury and tries not to look as rough as a badger’s arse. Which would all surely come as huge challenges to her.

It’s a shame, as that would have made for some interesting reading, as well as actually letting us know whether the one half of a child from Full House did have anything to do with Ledger’s death.

It would also mean we would know where we stood legally, and wouldn’t have to avoid baseless accusations. Stupid laws…

No, we will simply have to put up with the Olsen’s book, possibly watching as Mary-Kate decides to add a new chapter at the end, telling all about her experiences with the feds. Obviously Ashley would have to put something in there as well for the sake of twinly balance, so she could talk about what it was like to get all jiggy and stuff with a cyclist.

Though anyone that wanted to read that part would have to be clinically insane, downright sick or probably blind. A combination of all three would definitely be a benefit.

Wait – we had a point somewhere… oh yes!

So the Drug Enforcement Administration’s seemingly frivolous investigation into the death of The Dark Knight star Heath Ledger has been dropped, with one reason given being:

“Because they don’t believe there’s a viable target.”

Which is, well – a pretty good reason to stop an investigation, if we’re honest here. We may never know if there was a third party that contributed willingly or unwillingly to the death of Heath Ledger, but at least this strange investigation can be forgotten about and the man can be left alone.

At least until they launch a new investigation, of course.

Yeah, PETA bloody hates them. Although Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are just living the sort of life that people of their youth and wealth are expected to – riding around in carriages made of knitted saffron, employing small Taiwanese children to cling onto the soles of their feet and act like super-chic screaming shoes, eating spacedust through straws made of the spines of deceased international dignitaries, that sort of thing – PETA has singled the pair of them out for the full brunt of their abuse because they wear fur coats now and again. That's right, PETA doesn't call them Mary-Kate And Ashley Olsen any more – it calls them Hairy Kate and Trashley Trollsen.

And that's fighting talk right there.

PETA – the organisation that promises to keep showing us pictures of naked women until the fur trade has been stamped out entirely, the bastards – tends to only deal in black and white. If PETA likes you then it'll call you sexy. But if PETA doesn't like you, then you should expect a right rough ride from the group.

If it's not dumping horseshit on your doorstep or spoiling your dinner or – worst of all – making Heather Mills chase you around dressed in a great big telly, then PETA is destroying your credibility by making a vaguely substandard Flash game about you on its website. And that's the hell that Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are going through right now.

PETA's new campaign to stop people wearing fur or eating meat or wearing leather or torturing rabbits or smiling or having fun involves two characters named Hairy Kate and Trashley Trollsen, obviously based on Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen – two people who PETA has got the hump with because they won't stop wearing bits of dead animals when they go out. According to PETA:

Some say that Hairy-Kate and Trashley are guilty of offending their fans with some major fashion boo-boos, but here at peta2, we think that's the understatement of the year! The twins' heartless decision to wear fur and include it in their new fashion line, The Row (more like "Death Row"), is worse than a fashion no-no—it's cruelty to animals. The Trollsens have ignored our pleas to stop wearing fur—and have since added horribly ugly fur items to their new clothing line. It's obvious that we need your help to convince them that wearing fur is wrong and hideous!

And it doesn't stop there – PETA has also made a video about Mary-Kate and Ashley that's based on a sitcom we've never watched and full of references that mean nothing to us. It's hilarious… 

All very clever, we're sure. But none of these dreary tactics endear us to PETA at all – in fact, if anything it just makes us feel sorry for the Olsen twins. After all, it's easy to judge and mock them for wearing needlessly cruel pieces of outerwear, but one of them is doing it with Lance Armstrong, for God's sake. Lance Armstrong! Haven't these people suffered enough already?

Read more:

Meet The Trollsen Twins – PETA