The loss of innocence is a big thing in the life, marking the point when they stop being a child and truly become an adult.
When it comes to the world of celebrities, however, this distinction is harder to make. Thank golly gosh for the Olsens then, who we’ve been able to watch all their lives as they became adults! With problems!
The latest occurrence in Mary-Kate Olsen’s quest for womanhood has come as she seeks immunity from prosecution in the investigation into Heath Ledger’s death earlier this year. Oh how she’s grown!
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Perhaps we should start watching The Hills – by the look of it it features more per capita obnoxiousness than a shedful of Lohans.
Take Spencer Pratt, for example. We have no idea who Spencer Pratt is, and the only way we'd be able to identify him in the street is because he'd be the one loudly braying about what a tosspot he thinks Mary-Kate Olsen is.
Actually he won't. Spencer Pratt doesn't do that any more. He used to, though – not so long ago he told a magazine that Mary-Kate Olsen was a 'troll' who wasn't very cute – but not any more. Spencer Pratt has issued a sincere apology for the 'troll' jibe, finally putting an end to a celebrity feud that was so staggeringly pointless and short-lived that you didn't even care if it existed or not in the first place.
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Hospitals are a holy sanctuary. It is within their walls that all of mankind goes to find healing, and also to have large misshapen moles removed.
Moles like the one our Uncle Albert had on his lip through most of the seventies. That thing was so big we always just thought he was in a mixed race marriage. Man, we really hated his wife for never paying us any mind – and yet it makes perfect sense now. Today, though, today we're older. We're smarter, we're wiser, and we have a well-laminated associates to prove it.
And as we sit here staring at that degree hanging on the door of our mini-fridge, it brings us back to thoughts of hospitals – and how one recently made up a bed for Mary-Kate Olsen to recuperate in. Her insides are rotting you see, they are rotting and all the money in the world can't save her.
Except the money her health insurance probably paid to the hospital. That money actually helped her quite a bit.
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