One of the big talking points from the Super Bowl commercial break was… well… Clint Eastwood. Away from that though, there’s a little excitement surrounding the trailer for Marvel’s The Avengers movie.

While most superhero flicks are brooding like Batman at the moment, it appears that The Avengers film is going to be pleasingly dumb, if the trailer is anything to go by.

So if you want to see it, strap in and watch things explode with Captain America (Chris Evans), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr), Scarlett Johansson (Black Widow) and Hulk get into a giant scrap with a fella with long, greasy hair.

The baddie in the piece is called Loki and he’s all cocking his head with an evil eyebrow nonsense while Rob Downey Jr is, well, playing himself.

Elsewhere, Captain America’s shield will get nerds wet, while everyone else with be getting aroused over Scarlett Johansson in a catsuit.

Oh, and there’s aliens and laser beams and all that good stuff.

One thing that people may raise a vague titter at is the exchange between Loki and Iron Man. ”I have an army,” says Tom Hiddleston’s Loki. “We have a Hulk!” Stark replies.

Those superheroes and villains! Do they rehearse this stuff?

Yes they do. Now watch the trailer.

2011 appears to be the year of the big budget comic book movie. When it comes to adaptations of graphic novels, we’re being spoiled rotten right now.

Marvel’s first avenger, Captain America has just hit cinemas worldwide, Green Lantern… well, it happened didn’t it… and we’ve been given 3 brand spanking new teaser trailers to salivate over.

New offerings from Batman, Spiderman and The Avengers may well be due soon, but one hero currently not donning his tightest pants in preparation to be thrust back into the spotlight like some weird pervert is Superman.

But fear not earthlings! It turns out there is some new Superman footage to get you all wheezy and out of breath. Well, it’s not actually new, it’s pretty old, but it hasn’t been seen before, so it’s like new.

A deleted scene from the last installment of the Superman movie franchise, the fantastically woeful Superman Returns, has been unearthed.

The $10million scene shows Supes flying in some sort of Dr. Manhattanesque giant crystal spaceship to his desolate home planet of Krypton, before crying like a little bitch and deciding it’s probably worth going back to Earth.

Visually the scene is fairly impressive, however at 6 minutes long with minimal action or sound it is incredibly tedious. The fact that this scene was so tedious that it was deleted from one of the most tedious movies in recent history should tell you all you need to know about it really.

There are a few things that puzzle us though. Why the hell is The Man of Steel flying a spaceship, he’s able to fly through space without any real problems, what makes this ship so special?

Also, wasn’t Krypton destroyed? It seems to be in fairly good nick when our hero arrives, admittedly it is barren and everyone is probably dead, but we’ll overlook that fact because it’s depressing and goes against our, ‘it seems to be in fairly good nick,’ theory that was outlined at the start of this paragraph.

Anyway, if you just couldn’t get enough of Superman Returns, then you have a problem and we here at hecklerspray suggest you get help, quickly.

For the rest of you, point your peepers at the video below to see how spending $10million on 6 minutes doesn’t always guarantee a good time.

There’s been a lot of buzz surrounding the release of the new Captain America film, despite the fact that, as superheroes go, Captain America is pretty lame. He’s called Captain America for starters – how lame is that?

Anyway, the first full movie trailer for Paramount/Marvel flick has arrived online, much to everyone’s initial thrill.

Captain America: The First Avenger has been directed by Joe Johston (who did… uh… Jurassic Park III and Jumanji… Christ, this is going to be awful isn’t it?) and stars (no, not that one) Chris Evans, Hayley Atwell, Hugo Weaving, Stanley Tucci, Sebastian Stan, Toby Jones, Samuel L. Jackson, Dominic Cooper, Tommy Lee Jones, Derek Luke and Neal McDonough. For the most part: Who? Whatever. Trailer is over the jump.

Captain America: The First Avenger will be landing on conventional and 3D screens across the US and UK from July 22nd, 2011.

Which is aaages away.

In this flick, we’ll see sickly Steve Rogers getting ramped up to something like human perfection in an experiment by the United States army in World War II during the 1940s.

Then, he’ll sport the most excellent camouflage of a bright blue suit and a red and white shield that is just aching to be aimed at.

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Stan Lee is a God to millions of geeks everywhere and a seemingly harmless, eccentric old man to the rest of us. Lee is the former president and CEO of Marvel comics, the publisher that brought us such legends as Spiderman, the X Men and Squirrel Girl (seriously).

Why is a washed up old geek in the news I hear you ask? Well, apparently the great state of California is attempting to restrict the availability of violent video games. That is to say, the state governed by Arnold Schwarzenegger, a man who appeared in a boat load of violent films, most of which had videogame adaptations, thinks that games are bad and should be stopped before they harm the kiddywinks.

Crazy ol’ Uncle Stan posted the following message on the Video Game Voters Network’s website, which interestingly had never been heard of until this story:

My memory has always been lousy and it’s not improving with age. But it’s good enough to remember a time when the government was trying to do to comic books what some politicians now want to do with video games: censor them and prohibit their sales. It was a bad idea half a century ago and it’s just as bad an idea now.

Despite how liable he is to wet himself, Grampa Simpson Stan Lee is right, the politicians are overstepping the mark by using games as a scapegoat and this new bill is a blatant attempt to appease conservative voters. He also found time in his open letter to accuse the politicians of doing all this just to drum up positive headlines, to ensure they get re-elected and that 50 years on, politicians still haven’t changed.

And he’s right, after all, 70 or so years ago we saw another Austrian with a dubious past and some right wing ideas get elected to power. He did manage to write a book though. I’m not convinced the Governator can actually write.

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Thor is going to be a huge movie for Marvel – if all goes well, it’ll end up as its first humiliating flop.

Don’t take that for granted. If Thor is really going to be as headache-inducingly terrible as can be – if it truly has its eyes set on the highest peak of catastrophic awfulness known to man – then it must take down some A-list actors with it. So thank heavens that Natalie Portman has signed up for Thor.

But Natalie Portman has her work cut out. Can she make Thor as woeful as she made Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium? Doubtful.

Say what you like about Marvel, but it knows how to attract quality actors to its projects. Iron Man had Robert Downey Jr and Gwyneth Paltrow, The Incredible Hulk had Edward Norton and now Thor will star Natalie Portman. If we’ve done our sums correctly – and we’re pretty sure we have – then this means that in 2016 we’ll be finally treated to the She-Hulk adaptation starring 81-year-old Dame Judi Dench that we’ve all been looking forward to so feverishly.

But let’s get back to the case at hand. Natalie Portman has agreed to take a role in the upcoming Marvel movie Thor, to be directed by Kenneth Branagh. What does that mean? Well, at first glance Natalie Portman’s involvement would suggest that the movie will revolve around Thor falling in love with a quirky elfin hipster who is supposed to symbolise the idealistic freedom of youth but in reality will symbolise every person we’ve ever wanted to punch in the mouth. Also, Zach Braff will play Thor. Also, it’ll have a largely Iron & Wine soundtrack. Also, it’ll be terrible.

What? Almost every part of that last paragraph is a lie? Apparently so – in fact, Thor will be played by Chris Hemsworth and Natalie Portman will actually be playing Generic Superhero Love Interest: Medicine Edition. Reuters reports:

Portman will play Jane Foster, who in early comic-book lore was a nurse who became Thor’s first love… The story centers on Thor, a powerful but arrogant warrior whose reckless actions reignite an ancient war. As punishment, Thor is cast down to Earth and forced to live among humans. But once here, he learns what it takes to be a true hero when the most dangerous villain of his world sends the darkest forces of Asgard to invade Earth.

So let’s get this straight – the film will take Thor from his usual home and ask him to battle an old adversary in the unfamiliar setting of a big American city? We can’t work out if that makes it sound more like Super Mario Bros or Masters Of The Universe. Oh, who cares – they were both gigantic box office smashes, weren’t they?

Weren’t they? Hello? Anyone?

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If all the Virgin Media TV adverts haven’t already made you utterly sick of Samuel L Jackson’s face, we’ve got good news.

You’ll be seeing more of it. A lot more. In fact, if you plan on seeing any Marvel movie over the next decade, chances are that at some point Samuel L Jackson is going to walk on as Nick Fury, waggle his good eye around and bugger off again.

Because Marvel has just signed Samuel L Jackson up for nine movies – including Iron Man 2, Thor, Thor 2, Captain America and the long-awaited Nick Fury Sings The Hits Of Genesis.

Depending on how much of a geek you are, Samuel L Jackson’s surprise post-credits cameo as Nick Fury in Iron Man probably sparked one of the following reactions:

1 - “Oh cool, this means that S.H.I.E.L.D is going to play an important role in the tapestry of all future Marvel films!”

2 - “That’s not Nick Fury. He doesn’t even look anything like David Hasselhoff.”

3 - “What’s going on? I don’t know why I even bothered sitting through the poxy credits. I need a wee and one of my legs has gone to sleep. Oh, I hate this life.”

We won’t tell you which one of these was our reaction (Clue: the third one), but Samuel L Jackson went down so well as Nick Fury in Iron Man that Marvel has signed him up to do more of them. Nine more of them, in fact. Reuters reports:

The actor, who just weeks ago was seemingly on the outs with the studio over reprising his role as Nick Fury, agent of spy outfit S.H.I.E.L.D., in the “Iron Man” sequel, has signed an unprecedented nine-picture deal to play the character in a series of Marvel movies. In addition to “Iron Man 2,” scheduled for release next year, the movies include “Thor,” “Captain America,” “The Avengers” and its sequels.

We don’t know whether to be happy or sad for Samuel L Jackson. Given Marvel’s taste for cannibalistic incest, there’s a chance that he’ll end up in more than nine films – getting to star in far-off gems such as Thor 2, Thor 3, Captain America 2, Captain America 3, Thor Vs Captain America, Thor And Captain America Vs Iron Man, Iron Man Vs The Avengers, The Avengers Vs The Bavengers and Thor Gives Iron Man A Sneaky Hand-Job While Iron Man Is Away At A Conference.

Plus there’s a chance that, if all goes well, Samuel L Jackson will end up being given his own S.H.I.E.L.D movie, and that’s bound to excite everyone interested in seeing the day-to-day administrative chores of a large organisation thrillingly played out on the big screen.

But, on the other hand, we don’t think Samuel L Jackson should get his feet too far under the table just yet. It might be an uninformed hunch, but we do have a ‘Samuel L Jackson To Be Replaced By Don Cheadle‘ post loitering around that we don’t think will stay unpublished for very long, if you know what we mean.

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Part of what has made Marvel’s forays into feature films so exciting is the quality of director it has managed to secure for each movie.

Whether it’s an indie darling like Jon Favreau directing Iron Man, a theatrical powerhouse like Kenneth Branagh helming Thor or a thrilling young up-and-comer like Louis Leterrier taking on The Incredible Hulk, Marvel has always managed to impress. So, with that in mind, who has Marvel signed on to direct Captain America, one of the most iconic characters in its stable?

Joe Johnston. Come on, you know, Joe Johnston. The man who directed Jurassic Park III. And, um, The Rocketeer. Oh, you know him. He wrote one episode of the Star Wars Droids cartoon spin-off in 1895. Joe Johnston, you know. Old Joey Jo-Jo Johnston. This Captain America film is going to freaking rule.

Aspiring superhero movie directors, listen up. We’ve worked something out that we think you should probably know. if you want to get Marvel’s attention, you should think about making a film about a magical board game.

We’re being serious. Why did Marvel pick Jon Favreau to direct Iron Man? Because of his work on Zathura: A Space Adventure. And why has Marvel picked Joe Johnston to direct Captain America? Because of his work on Jumanji. And it’s fairly obvious that Kenneth Branagh was asked to direct Thor because of his bleak directorial masterpiece Gooey Louie: The Motion Picture.

But, look, that’s not the point. The point is that Marvel has signed Joe Johnston to direct its upcoming First Avenger: Captain America movie. Why? Because between Terrence Howard and Edward Norton Marvel has realised that big stars also come with big fees and unmanageably big egos? No, not at all – it’s just that everyone at Marvel thinks that Jurassic Park III is the best Jurassic Park film, even better than the ones that made much more money and got much better reviews. Ahem. Reuters reports:

“Jurassic Park III” director Joe Johnston has signed a deal to bring the Marvel comic-book hero Captain America to the big screen. “First Avenger: Captain America,” a World War II-set movie, is scheduled for release in 2011 through Marvel Studios. No writers are on board, but the studio expects to hire shortly.

Since he’s currently working on a version of The Wolfman that more or less just involves asking Benicio Del Toro to not shave for about 45 minutes and then filming the results, First Avenger: Captain America looks like it could be the biggest movie of Joe Johnston’s career.

After all, it doesn’t have a script yet and Marvel is already hyping Captain America as hard as it can. So, if that continues, there’s a chance that First Avenger: Captain America will be one of the biggest hits of 2011 in North America and the terrorist states that’ll use it to demonstrate America’s beligerant patriotism to its angry young recruits.

That just leaves the question of who’ll play Captain America. A few weeks ago Will Smith expressed an interest, but now that he’s gone off to massacre a film that we love instead, it looks like it’s wide open. It’s obvious that the role needs to be played by someone fiercely all-American, so may we suggest Eddie Izzard from The Riches? Or maybe the guy from House? Or Jimmy McNulty from The Wire. Or one of Flight Of The Conchords. Yes. Any of them please.

Thank heavens Marvel started making its own movies – without it we’d have never known what Edward Norton would be like in a crappy Incredible Hulk flick.

And because Marvel has been so brilliant at churning out one successful movie that everybody likes and one mediocre movie that everyone instantly forgets about a nanosecond after leaving the cinema, that can only mean one thing. More Marvel movies!

Paramount has just signed a deal to globally release the next five Marvel films. Since that includes Thor and Captain America, Paramount probably thinks it’s got a pretty sweet deal going on. But it should have read the contract in more detail – the other three movies are about Dazzler, 8-Ball and an utterly pointless shot-for-shot remake of Daredevil, this time with all the characters played by Ben Affleck. Eat it, Paramount!

We’re just starting to see how successful Marvel is at making its own movies. Back when Marvel announced its movie production business in 2005, we weren’t alone in fearing thousands of low-quality direct-to-DVD standard movies about all the superheroes nobody cares about. But Marvel has proved us wrong.

Look at Iron Man – by cherry-picking some of the world’s best actors, letting them operate under one of the world’s most admired indie directors and giving them hundreds of millions of dollars to blow shit up with, Iron Man was always going to be a guaranteed smash. And then there was The Incredible Hulk, which was, um. Yeah.

But the Marvel formula has been set – which is why Kenneth Branagh might be directing Thor next – and it mostly works very well. Which is why Paramount has just decided to globally distribute all the films that Marvel can possibly push out. Reuters reports:

Marvel Entertainment Inc raised its film unit’s 2008 revenue outlook following initial payments of $60 million from Viacom’s Paramount Pictures — the distributor of the comic book publisher’s “Iron Man” movie. Paramount will also distribute Marvel’s next five self-produced feature films across the world, the two companies said in a separate statement.

And it’s probably a wise investment on Paramount’s part, because Marvel seems to be so hell-bent on putting a movie about The Avengers together that it’ll keep throwing out huge new movies based on its individual members – and the inevitable sequels – until it gets there.

In fact, we’ve snuck a look at Marvel’s proposed slate of new movies in the order they’re to be released, and Paramount has every reason to be excited. Look…

Iron Man 2

Thor

The Incredible Hulk 2

Iron Man 3

Captain America

Thor 2

Captain America Vs The Incredible Hulk

Iron Man 5

Thor! Thor! Tho… Oh, Sorry, I Thought You Were Thor

Iron Man 4

Iron Man & Thor Vs The Incredible Hulk & One Of Thor’s Cousins

Captain America Asks Iron Man To Borrow A Stapler, But Iron Man Doesn’t Know Where He Put It

The Incredible Hulk Gets Stuck In A Flowerpot And Thor Puts It On YouTube

Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner? Oh, Captain America Is

When you think of films about disabled medical students who touch magical hammers and become crime-fighting Norse gods, the first name that springs to mind is obviously Kenneth Branagh.

Isn’t it? It isn’t? In fact Kenneth Branagh would probably be one of the last people you’d associate with something that brawny and gormless? Well tell that to Marvel, because they’re currently in talks with Kenneth Branagh about their new Thor movie. In short, Kenneth Branagh wants to direct Thor.

Kenneth Branagh directing a summertime comic book movie like Thor might sound slightly ridiculous, but the idea has potential – with any luck Branagh will turn Thor into a cross between his modern-day romantic musical interpretation of Love’s Labour Lost and that Frankenstein movie where he made Robert De Niro dress up like Sloth from The Goonies and run around the north pole. Ace!

You know what? We’re really starting to dislike Christopher Nolan. Comic book movies used to be so simple – there’d be a superhero and he’d punch all the baddies and then fly around the world backwards to reverse time and that’d be the end. But then Christopher bloody Nolan had to come along and make everything clever. Thanks a lot, Nolan.

Now that Christopher Nolan has managed to make The Dark Knight both intelligent and massive profitable, everyone’s clamouring to get highbrow arthouse directors to helm their comic book movies. And the logical conclusion of that is Kenneth Branagh directing a comic book movie about a Norse God who looks like a fan fiction version of an Iron Maiden music video and runs around New York with a massive hammer, getting magical powers by eating golden apples.

Which, somewhat bewilderingly, is probably going to happen. Before Marvel can make its long-awaited Avengers movie – starring Robert Downey Jr as Iron Man, possibly Will Smith as Captain America and whoever Edward Norton’s less stroppy Incredible Hulk replacement is – it needs to make a Thor film.

And who better to do it than Kenneth Branagh, the man responsible for directing five Shakespeare adaptations, something about a magical flute and a remake of Sleuth that somehow made people hate Jude Law even more than they already did, even though they didn’t think it was physically possible. Variety reports:

Kenneth Branagh is negotiating to direct “Thor,” the next Marvel Comics property that will be turned into a live-action film by Marvel Studios. Pic will be released in 2010. Marvel Studios chief Kevin Feige‘s choice of Branagh is surprising, as Branagh hasn’t really directed an action-heavy film since his debut on “Henry V,” a bloody telling of the British king’s conquest of France.

Now the easiest thing to do here is knee-jerk, since Kenneth Branagh is mainly known for making mimsying wordy films for English literature teachers and Thor sounds pretty much like it might just be the most berserk film ever made.

But let’s give this idea a chance. After all, if Kenneth Branagh can bring some of the fire and intensity of his acting to Thor, and then add some of the highbrow thoughtfulness of his previously-directed movies, the film could be a winner. And, who knows, it might even inspire some other intellectual movie directors to try their hand at more shamelessly commercial fare.

Whatever next? Ang Lee making an Incredible Hulk movie? Aha hahaha ha.

Oh.

The trailer for the new Incredible Hulk movie has been released, and what it lacks in destructive abstract wads of emotion it makes up for with SMAAASH!

However, let's not get too excited about The Incredible Hulk because reports are coming in that Incredible Hulk star Edward Norton and Incredible Hulk studio Marvel are clashing over the final edit, and things are getting so frosty that the movie's success might be jeopardised by the feud.

We don't know the details, but given that it's an Incredible Hulk movie, we hope the winner is the side who wants to do away with dialogue, narrative, female characters and feelings and just have two hours of the Hulk headbutting petrol tankers into fleets of exploding helicopters. And we think we pretty much speak for everyone here.

It's hard to think of a film more disappointing than Ang Lee's Hulk. Honestly, if we wanted to waste two hours watching a brainless thug look a bit sorry for himself we'd just watch one episode of Jeremy Kyle twice and be done with it. At least that way we don't have to put up with sitting through any sodding mutant poodle fights. 

So when it was announced that a new Incredible Hulk movie was being made it was hard not to get excited, especially since the director was Louis Leterrier who did Jet Li Unleashed. Finally, we thought, we'd be getting the Incredible Hulk movie we deserved – one where a massive green monster does nothing but punch down burning skyscrapers and javelin them through the eyes of giant mutant monsters.

Now The Incredible Hulk trailer is out, and it looks like our wish has come true. Take a look…

Well, OK, our wish has come half true. The first part of that trailer? With all the speaking? And the normal-sized humans? Bleurgh. Hopefully that's not indicative of the actual film.

And the truth is we don't know if it is. And nor does anyone else, because Incredible Hulk actor Edward Norton and Marvel can't agree on how The Incredible Hulk should be edited, and if the disagreement carries on much longer, it could mean that two Hulk films in a row will get flushed down the crapper. According to Deadline Hollywood Daily:

Norton and Marvel are clashing over how to cut the pic. Insiders say Norton was "promised tremendous involvement and access" after Marvel invited him into the core team to rewrite Zak Penn's script. Says one insider, "There's a lot of posturing going on between Edward's camp and Marvel over how you edit the final version." Sources also tell me that, starting last night and continuing at least throughout today, the actor will be holed up with Marvel Studios chairman David Maisel, Marvel Studios president of production Kevin Feige, and director Louis Leterrier to try to "reach an amicable resolution" to this $150+ million film feud.

Although we don't know anything about this fight apart from the fact that it allegedly exists, we're just going to go ahead and blame it on Edward Norton. He seems like an intelligent chap, and that's exactly the problem. This is an Incredible Hulk movie! Nobody's looking for intelligence! They're looking for scenes of the Hulk eating an elephant alive and then farting out the shattered bones into a crowd of people like a dirty machine gun!

Chances are if Edward Norton got his way The Incredible Hulk would be about a repressed man's search for internal peace that's echoed through his external rites of passage journey through colonial Papua New Guinea. Or, at the very least, a film that – urgh – makes sense and isn't just a collection of lowest denominator explosions.

We feel sick. Shame on you, Edward Norton. Shame!

Read more: 

Ed Norton And Marvel In 'Hulk'-ing Feud – Deadline Hollywood Daily