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Martha Stewart Sends Hand Model’s Finger Into A Scissory Abyss
By Shawn Lindseth on Wednesday, November 19, 2008 at 3:00pm | One Comment
Martha Stewart Sends Hand Model’s Finger Into A Scissory Abyss Hand models, being essential to the global economy, must be protected at all costs.
Without them the rest of us would be quite helpless when trying to order a watch from a catalogue. Also mitten sales would plummet, and Palmolive would become just an ordinary dish soap.
Martha Stewart doesn't care though. That's why she allows the furniture she sells to cut off hand model fingers anytime it wants to. It happened recently you know - and not just to any ordinary hand model - he was a magician and a banjo player too.
Notice that's all past tense - way past tense.
Try To Stay Calm: Martha Stewart’s Dog Is Dead
By Stuart Heritage on Thursday, April 17, 2008 at 7:00pm | 3 Comments
Try To Stay Calm: Martha Stewart’s Dog Is Dead Awful, awful, tragic news - Martha Stewart's dog has passed away.
Almost 13 years old, Martha Stewart's dog had previously been struggling with renal disease of late, but recently lost its epic battle with the illness on Saturday. The death of Martha Stewart's job - familiar to millions of fans through countless appearances in commercials, television shows and magazines - has reportedly left Martha Stewart distraught. Out thoughts are with her.
Or at least our thoughts would be with her, but we're too busy giggling because the dog's name was Kublai Khan Paw Paw Chow Chow Chow. Kublai Khan Paw Paw Chow Chow Chow, for god's sake. Still, at least now it's dead Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are free to give the name to their next child without guilt.
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