married - HecklerSpray

Is Justin Bieber Already Married?

September 18th, 2018 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Listen, before you even ask, no. I am not going to make a post about the Emmys. I don’t watch Game of Thrones, I don’t watch that Marvelous Miss whatever show, so I honestly just don’t give a single fuck (other than the fact John Mulaney won an award. That was cool). Today, I’m only going to blog about Justin Bieber, so deal with it, k?

I don’t know what the fuck is going on with Biebs, but he might have gotten married at a courthouse on Thursday, which is really adding to my theory that him and Hailey Baldwin only got engaged because she’s knocked up.

Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes are Married AF

September 21st, 2016 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

As someone who once teared up during the films Drive and Crazy, Stupid, Love for the sole reason that I knew I was never going to get to sleep with Ryan Gosling, it pains me to announce that that is probably true for every woman other than Eva Mendes, because those two got secret married.

This isn’t like a recent thing, apparently it happened earlier this year, but those two are private AF. First they have two secret babies that I have never seen, then they get secret married. I’m actually really offended that they are refusing to let me be a part of their lives. They don’t know how to celebrity at all.

Simon Cowell Is Not The Marrying Kind

January 24th, 2012 By Lady Robotnik

Runaway bride Simon Cowell has broken off another relationship, this time to his makeup artist Mezhgan Husaiany.

“It’s quite a complicated relationship. We have had a break from each other, and we are still incredibly close,” Cowell told The Sunday Mirror. “I’m vulnerable. It’s not on, it’s not off, it’s somewhere in the middle. I don’t know if I will ever get married, but I am happy.”

You know how painful it is when you drop an M&M and it rolls under the sofa, and is juuussstttttt out of your reach? Welcome to Mezghan Husaiany?s life.

Adele?s New Boyfriend Quite Possibly Married To Someone Else

January 19th, 2012 By hecklerspray staff

The Queen of New Boring has come under attack for having the temerity to get all pelvic and grunty with a man who might not be entirely divorced from his estranged wife.

As if it wasn?t enough that she can't get through a day without a million more people buying her album, she's had to take to her blog (which is a step up from taking to Twitter, at least) to tell everyone that

a) he's not married and b) it's none of their goddamn business.

Mario Lopez (Or A.C. Slater From Saved By The Bell) Is Getting Married!

January 5th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Wonderful news folks! Mario Lopez is getting married! We’re thrilled to bits. You see, we like the chap who played A.C. Slater so much that we turned a boring news article about Coheed & Cambria into a brief history of Mario Lopez.

He really is a very, very splendid man.

And now the Saved By The Beller is all grown-up and getting hitched to, quite possibly, the luckiest woman who ever lived. And something must be in the air because only a few months ago, Zack Morris (aka Mark-Paul Gosselaar) got engaged and… well… Skreech is still trying to live down his sex tape.

Sinead O’Connor Decides Marriage Isn’t For Her, 16 Days After Ceremony (Also: Gays)

December 28th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

After Kim Kardashian split with her husband after an incredibly short period, now Sinead O’Connor is in on the act ending her marriage to Barry Herridge after a paltry 16 days. She was wed in Vegas on December 8 and call it a day on Christmas Eve.

It feels like there’s something stirring.

Like what? Well, we have a theory. Our celebrities are getting married and then making a sham of it. There can only be one reason for this. No. Not because they’re all entitled lunatic who shouldn’t be allowed to leave the house. Rather, they’re doing because of the gays.

Sinead O’Connor Stops Asking Twitter For Sex Just Long Enough To Get Married In Vegas

December 9th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Sinead O’Connor is a brilliantly mental person to have about the place isn’t she? Rallying against The Pope, becoming a priest, being a Rastafarian and, most lately, asking people on Twitter to come ’round her house and bum her.

Seriously. Did you miss all that? Good ol’ Sinead was demanding a parade of young studs to enter her house, via the backdoor. It was marvellous, it really was very special.

And now, to cap off a wonderful few months back on the radar, she hasn’t done something stupid like release a record, but rather, buggered off to Las Vegas with a fella and done a drive-thru wedding. Fantastic. Just brilliant.

Sarah Harding Leaves Rehab After Recovering From Irrational Hatred of Daniel O’Donnell

November 14th, 2011 By Michael Park

Sarah Harding, or the blonde one from Girls Aloud, has spent the last wee while in rehab. Did you know that?

No, neither did we.

Is it that no-one told us or simply that the admission of a celebrity to rehab has become so commonplace that we now spend more time focussing on what Daniel O’Donnell’s up to. He’s nice. Grans like Daniel O’Donnell.

Sarah Harding doesn’t though. She thinks he’s boring and once interrupted a West

Kris Jenner Says Kim Kardashian’s Marriage Wasn’t Fake Before Returning To Her Moon-Base

November 9th, 2011 By Michael Park

You all remember Kim Kardashian, right? She’s the business woman and entrepreneur who is also the star of her own reality television series with her whole family. She’s worth a bit of cash is Kim but, in keeping with the American dream, vacuous idiots can always have more.

Is Kim Kardashian a vacuous idiot? IS SHE? WE ASKED IF YOU THOUGHT KIMMY K WAS A BLITHERING NINCOMPOOP?

No, of course she isn’t. Why?

Kiss’ Gene Simmons To Finally Take His Gigantic Tongue Down The Aisle

September 2nd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Gene Simmons is a man who says he loves women folk, but you get the distinct impression that he actually hates them. Or, worse still, is afraid of them. That’s why he’s always unfurling that gigantic tongue of his at them.

As an aside, it’s hard to picture what went on when he bunked up with Diana Ross. She so slight that you can imagine he wore her like a glove puppet on his monstrous mouth piece.

Either way, all that’s behind him now as he’s all set to make an honest man of himself and marry his fiance of three decades, Shannon Tweed.