No, Sam Ronson is also the sister of producer Mark Ronson. They both share quite a dominant ‘terrible haircut’ gene. And they’re both DJs too, which leads us to believe that their family is so rich that neither of them to ever have to worry about getting a proper job.

But, anyway, Mark Ronson is apparently trying to end Sam Ronson’s relationship with Lindsay Lohan because he wants to be the famous one again he really cares for her and whatever.

Mark Ronson and Sam Ronson – aside from the crap hair and silly job thing – really do share a lot in common, you know. They both have stepfathers from the band that inadvertently performed the soundtrack to the Gene Simmons sex tape. They’re both related to Malcolm Rifkind. And they both, for whatever reason, enjoy hanging out with wildly problematic women.

Mark Ronson, of course, is Amy Winehouse’s producer – a job that seems to consist of three parts developing an authentic soul sound, two parts shaping melody and lyrics, and 500 parts screaming at Amy Winehouse not to eat all the drugs in the world and then slash about herself with the nearest sharpest object.

And, presumably because she’s playing the wrongest game of catch-up known to man, Sam Ronson responded to this by convincing Lindsay Lohan that she was a lesbian and embarking on a romantic voyage that seems to involve nothing but grimacing at a succession of vaguely pikey nightclubs together.

However, over the last couple of week it has seemed as if there might be trouble in paradise. On New Year’s Day, it was reported that Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson had a screaming punch-up in a hotel that had to be broken up by security, prompting Lindsay Lohan to  jump on her blog and declare that they weren’t splitting up.

But that’s apparently not good enough for Mark Ronson who, in a bout of concern for his little sister, is reportedly trying to break Lindsay and Sam up for good. The News Of The World reports:

Well said DJ MARK RONSON, who has ordered his skinny little sis to end things with “actress” LINDSAY Yes-I-Really-Am-A-Lesbian (I-Think) LOHAN. “Mark doesn’t think Lindsay is right for his little sister,” said an insider. “He’s really protective and is pressing to end it for good.”

Of course, Mark has every reason to be worried – not so long ago Sam was hospitalised with exhaustion, and that has to be related to Lindsay Lohan somehow because the only way her job could be any less exhausting is if she had an armchair surgically grafted on to her bottom or something.

But we shouldn’t rush to conclusions here – the only way to tell if Mark Ronson is a serious threat to Sam and Lindsay’s relationship is to sit it out for a couple of days and see if Lindsay Lohan blogs about it. Because, as we all know, Lindsay Lohan only blogs about the most important things in her life, like parental betrayal and politics and how Facebook are like being total douches and shit. Time will tell.

Read more:

Leave Her A-Lohan – News Of The World

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However, a spokesman for Winehouse has said that this isn’t the case and that the real reason is to do with a clash of interests regarding the development of the song, of which Amy had “other ideas”.

Is Amy telling the truth, or is it Mark? Who knows? As far as that argument goes, it’s probably best to live and let die.

It’s a terrible shame for all things Bond as, when it comes to musical collaborations, nobody does it better than Winehouse and Ronson.

Fortunately though, unlike the prospect of this dream Bond-duet, tomorrow never dies and, as they are young and have all the time in the world to recover, Ronson has stated that he hopes they’ll have the chance to die another day, having another go with the Bond theme next time around.

It’s a brave statement that goes to show that they aint no octopussies.

Oh dear.

Ronson told Sky News:

We did work on it but we never finished it, so that’s about it. We tried to work for a little bit. I’m not sure she’s ready to work on music yet.

And Amy’s spokesman responded:

She has always made her own decisions about her music. Needless to say, this is part of the process between artist and producer and we’re sure they will continue to make great music together.

And so, as the moonraker of Amy’s mind gently drifts her from one traumatic experience to the next; from scaring the living daylights out of her dad to the point where he wants her locked up, to her wanting her own husband to remain locked up, from her husband wanting a divorce, to her being cautioned for nutting some good Samaritan on the street, it seems that the world is more than enough for Amy.

Read More – Winehouse is not ready for music – Sky News

Is that what happened, though? No – thanks to the Brits' stringent 'don't let Ozzy Osbourne say more than three words in a row' policy, the only vaguely controversial thing the Osbournes brought to the Brit awards was the way that Sharon Osbourne's face looked as if it had been attacked by jellyfish in her sleep.

Oh, and Leona Lewis didn't win any of the four Brit awards she was nominated for. That's sort of controversial, isn't it? Anyone?

The Brit Awards always manage to scrape at least one stand-out moment, whether it's Jarvis Cocker mooning Michael Jackson, that Tubthumping bloke lobbing water at a politician or Joss Stone acting like the world's biggest anus. There was plenty of scope for controversy at last night's Brits, too – Ozzy Osbourne wanted to violently attack Heather Mills, for example, and the puffy-cheeked chimney sweep from Kaiser Chiefs got in a strop because people thought he was quite a lot crapper than he thought he was – but nothing came of it. 

In fact, aside from a brief display by Vic Reeves reinforcing why he isn't famous any more, the Brit awards were so utterly incident-free that we wish we spent two hours doing something a bit more worthwhile, like trying to burp the national anthem or crying.

So, without anything interesting to discuss, the Brits can be boiled down to two things – the performances and the awards. The awards went to the artists you expected them to – Take That got a couple, Foo Fighters got a couple, Arctic Monkeys got a couple, Mark Ronson won one – and Mika and Kate Nash also won a Brit each, although they weren't so much 'expected' as 'horribly, horribly wrong'.  

Sad old X Factor winner Leona Lewis didn't win a jot, though, despite being nominated for four Brits – Best Breakthrough, Best Female, Best Album and Best Single. Leona's losses might have been down to music industry snobbery – she won a talent show contest, after all – or a backlash because you can't listen to any local radio station for more than 30 seconds without hearing Bleeding Love any more.

And then there are the performances. Despite the much-trumpeted musical collaborations at this year's Brit awards, nothing really clawed out of the realms of mediocre. Mika wanked around like a little girl hopped up on Um Bongo at a karaoke party with Beth Ditto. Rihanna and Klaxons sounded like one of those dreary mash-ups that were popular six years ago. Mark Ronson, Adele, Daniel Merriweather and Amy Winehouse made Version sound even more Stars On 45s-y than usual and Kaiser Chiefs were upstaged by some tiny buildings.

And let's not forget that Paul McCartney finished the evening with the same four-hour version of Hey Jude that he closes every single bloody event he's ever invited to with.

So that was the Brits 2008. Woo hoo. Let's put in an early motion to get Joss Stone to host next year's show. And let's fill her dressing room with Special Brew beforehand. At least that way we'll have something to talk about afterwards.

Read more:

Leona Loser - Mirror