Take That are bunch of drips, aren’t they? If they’re not gyrating around in front of millions of middle-aged women or complaining about press intrusion in effete Northern accents, they’re having little panic attacks about getting felt up by giant robots. Or something like that.
Their latest woe has come in the form of a little bit of lightning which gave the lads the heebie-jeebies when their tour plane was lightly struck by it ahead of the start of the European leg of their Progress tour. Oh no! Did they survive the ordeal?!
Of course they did.
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First it was Mark Owen, and to be frank that was bad enough for one year.
Now it’s Ronan Keating – news that made a legion of women squirt tea through their nostrils in utter horror. Water coolers in offices up and down the country were working overtime as hoards of distressed ladies tried to make sense of the fact that two of pop’s squeakiest, cleanest, and ‘devoted’ men had well and truly screwed up.
Even those lucky enough to be in a relationship found themselves lying awake at night wondering what could be happening, taking swabs from their spouse’s shirts because that red wine stain just might be lipstick. And now Charlotte Church and her orange walnut of a fiance have split up, too. Is nobody safe?
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10 – Like cheese? Like human breast milk? Then boy oh boy, have we got the perfect delicacy for you! - Monsters And Critics
9 - Like cats? Like puns? Like reading cat puns on your iPhone? Then boy oh boy, you probably need the Witty Kitty iPhone app! – Lobstur
8 – A website called Lazertits. Without exaggeration, it will change your life – LAZERTITS
7 – James Corden in ‘not very good’ shock – Watch With Mothers
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The main problem with famous people is that they have such trouble keeping their underpants on. Everyone’s at it these days. It’s all sex here, sex over there, more sex here again. Do an interview, have a bit of sex. Sing a song, then have sex. Go to an awards show, have sex with someone first.
The latest celebrity having sex with people who aren’t his wife is Mark Owen – the cute little gentleman from Take That. The one who looks like the main character in an imaginary film called Hobbits – Lost in Miami.
Only, whilst the funny little people in that movie would just wander around looking confused and overawed by everything – even everyday items like kettles, or ironing boards - in real life Mark has been busily showing strangers his penis.
So, with that in mind, we thought it high time to list some famous people who DEFINITELY would not cheat on you if you got married… Read More >>>
That’s about it. There’s nothing that we can add to this story apart from involuntary shuddering.
Team hecklerspray likes to bond over a game of croquet and snifter of port, but not Take That. Take That like group wanking sessions. Or at least they did. Honestly.
Because Take That’s fans were all twelve when they split up, it probably wasn’t best letting that sort of sordid information cripple their ears. But we’re all grown up now so, yes, Take That did all used to masturbate furiously together. Happy now?
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