Mario Lopez - HecklerSpray

Britney Spears Slays Vegas, All Without Ever Actually Singing A Note

December 31st, 2013 By Rhiannon Davies

Hands up, who would have thought ten years ago that Britney Spears would one day be in a Vegas act that didn’t involve ping pong balls and a bunch of dollar bills being shoved in a G-string?

Britney kicked off her Vegas residency on Friday and it looks like she managed to get through the entire thing without a Starbucks run, a pair of Ugg boots, or burping loudly. Not that you’d know if she had, because she did the whole show with her microphone firmly in the ‘off position’. Conservatorships are great, but they aren’t miracle workers.

Days After Flashing Her Muff, Eva Longoria Earns Her Graduate Degree

May 24th, 2013 By Chris Chambers

Eva Longoria has been in the news a lot in the last week for two quite divergent, yet?equally significant?events.?First, she gave the world a nice view of her muff?at the?Cannes Film Festival over the?weekend.

It was unintentional of course … she was hiking up her dress to avoid dunking the hem in a puddle … but there it was in all its glory. Then, while the world was still busy oogling her vagina, she earned a graduate degree.

Needless to say, Eva?probably feels somewhat more pride in?the latter accomplishment.?And it is an impressive feat. This is not one of those bullshit honorary degrees that celebs are constantly having thrown at them.?Eva graduated from Cal State University, Northridge with a Master’s Degree in Chicano Studies.

Mario Lopez Gets Married, Might Not Be Gay After All

December 3rd, 2012 By Chris Chambers

Perhaps it’s time to concede that Mario Lopez really isn’t gay. It’s not easy to accept since every aspect of his appearance and carriage, from his dimples to his penchant for tank tops, screams “I love sex with men.”?But Mario was?married over the weekend … to a woman … and it'seems only respectful to assume that their relationship is built on more than just tickle fights.

Mario’s?lucky bride is?actress/dancer Courtney Mazza, with whom he has been living and procreating for quite some time. The weekend-long wedding “fiesta” was held at the beachfront Mexican villa of Girls Gone Wild creator, dirtbag Joe Francis, who is apparently close friends with Mario. Who knew?

Mario Lopez Lives Vicariously Through His Creepy Dog

December 1st, 2012 By Nic Ferguson

Apparently, Mario Lopez’s dog has a Twitter account, and it’s just adorable. Actually, it’s adorable when a dog says things like, “hope you bitches have your chi-chis out #Imcomingforyou,” but when you realize Mario Lopez is the dude behind these quips, it’s just plain creepy.

It also reveals something we’ve all suspected for a while: Mario Lopez is kind of a perverted douchebag.

Khloe Kardashian and Mario Lopez Are Eager To Ruin X Factor

March 23rd, 2013 By Chris Chambers

Today it was confirmed that Khloe “The Beast” Kardashian and Mario “Super-Gay” Lopez will be sharing hosting duties for the second season of the X Factor USA when it resumes live shows on November 1st.

This deal has been in the works for some time now, but it still comes as a bit of a surprise because it’s difficult to conceive of two people who could possibly have any less chemistry than this unlikely twosome. There is literally no plausible approach from which this pairing makes sense.

Mario Lopez (Or A.C. Slater From Saved By The Bell) Is Getting Married!

January 5th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Wonderful news folks! Mario Lopez is getting married! We’re thrilled to bits. You see, we like the chap who played A.C. Slater so much that we turned a boring news article about Coheed & Cambria into a brief history of Mario Lopez.

He really is a very, very splendid man.

And now the Saved By The Beller is all grown-up and getting hitched to, quite possibly, the luckiest woman who ever lived. And something must be in the air because only a few months ago, Zack Morris (aka Mark-Paul Gosselaar) got engaged and… well… Skreech is still trying to live down his sex tape.

Coheed & Cambria Bassist Does Lamest Stick-Up Job (A Potted History Of Mario Lopez)

July 12th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Jesus Christ. If Coheed & Cambria weren’t lame enough, the bass player from the band (pictured right)? has only gone and done the most rubbish heist in human history. Not content with peddling wearisome lamerock, he’s gone and stolen some antacids from a chemist. With a phone.

Seriously. The pinhead, called Michael Todd, couldn’t even be bothered to write out a stickup note, preferring to tap it out on his mobile and show them that.

It probably said: ‘THS IS A STICKUP PT UR HNDS UP N GV ME ALL UR TABLTS OR ELSE PMSL :) kthnxbai‘

Mario Lopez Is Extremely Attractive, Or So We’re Told

March 24th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

The people behind People magazine have snubbed us – but good.

Well, maybe they didn’t actually snub us – maybe we snubbed ourselves. See, the thing is our People magazine photo shoot just kinda imploded in on itself. For one thing nobody with a camera even showed up. For another, once we’d purchased a wind-up disposable we were trying to take all these sexy pictures of ourselves, but our jaw would jut-out, the light kept catching our uni-brow’s five o’clock shadow and for the life of us we just couldn’t get Photoshop to work right.

So they set the crown of ‘Hottest Bachelor’ on Slater instead. Yup – that mag seems to think Mario Lopez is hotter than everyone else in the world, which is a bit unfair because even though they didn’t give the title to us – they’ve never even met our baby brother.

He looks like a Brad Pitt/Blanche from Golden Girls hybrid for crying out loud.

Blanche was supposed to be the hot one, right?

Attention All Blokes – Beef Up With AC Slater.

March 25th, 2009 By Matthew Laidlow

Can you remember anyone who starred in Saved By The Bell? Nope neither can we, but we can barely recall the characters played in it.

There was um… Screech. Everyone knows Screech. You don’t? He was and still is the lovable geek who licked Mr Belding‘s arse in order to avoid detentions when his zany antics got the better of him!

Screech aka Dustin Diamond didn’t really get up to much after Saved By The Bell. None of them did really. Some have done homemade porn, some have done erotic thrillers, and the others haven’t done anything to shake off their Saved By The Bell tag. Now Mario Lopez – who played AC Slater – is trying to make us believe he’s still not a total moron. We can now work up a sweat with Mario with his own fitness DVD.