Wonderful news folks! Mario Lopez is getting married! We’re thrilled to bits. You see, we like the chap who played A.C. Slater so much that we turned a boring news article about Coheed & Cambria into a brief history of Mario Lopez.
He really is a very, very splendid man.
And now the Saved By The Beller is all grown-up and getting hitched to, quite possibly, the luckiest woman who ever lived. And something must be in the air because only a few months ago, Zack Morris (aka Mark-Paul Gosselaar) got engaged and… well… Skreech is still trying to live down his sex tape.
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Jesus Christ. If Coheed & Cambria weren’t lame enough, the bass player from the band (pictured right) has only gone and done the most rubbish heist in human history. Not content with peddling wearisome lamerock, he’s gone and stolen some antacids from a chemist. With a phone.
Seriously. The pinhead, called Michael Todd, couldn’t even be bothered to write out a stickup note, preferring to tap it out on his mobile and show them that.
It probably said: ‘THS IS A STICKUP PT UR HNDS UP N GV ME ALL UR TABLTS OR ELSE PMSL 
kthnxbai‘
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The people behind People magazine have snubbed us – but good.
Well, maybe they didn’t actually snub us – maybe we snubbed ourselves. See, the thing is our People magazine photo shoot just kinda imploded in on itself. For one thing nobody with a camera even showed up. For another, once we’d purchased a wind-up disposable we were trying to take all these sexy pictures of ourselves, but our jaw would jut-out, the light kept catching our uni-brow’s five o’clock shadow and for the life of us we just couldn’t get Photoshop to work right.
So they set the crown of ‘Hottest Bachelor’ on Slater instead. Yup – that mag seems to think Mario Lopez is hotter than everyone else in the world, which is a bit unfair because even though they didn’t give the title to us – they’ve never even met our baby brother.
He looks like a Brad Pitt/Blanche from Golden Girls hybrid for crying out loud.
Blanche was supposed to be the hot one, right?
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Can you remember anyone who starred in Saved By The Bell? Nope neither can we, but we can barely recall the characters played in it.
There was um… Screech. Everyone knows Screech. You don’t? He was and still is the lovable geek who licked Mr Belding’s arse in order to avoid detentions when his zany antics got the better of him!
Screech aka Dustin Diamond didn’t really get up to much after Saved By The Bell. None of them did really. Some have done homemade porn, some have done erotic thrillers, and the others haven’t done anything to shake off their Saved By The Bell tag. Now Mario Lopez – who played AC Slater – is trying to make us believe he’s still not a total moron. We can now work up a sweat with Mario with his own fitness DVD.
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