Teenage warbler and spawn of the devil (aka Billy Ray) Miley Cyrus, recently ‘fessed up to being the raging pothead we all suspected at her 19th birthday party in Los Angeles.
Guest included, Kelly Osbourne and Rumer Willis, boyfriend Liam Hemsworth and of course her parents who were probably out the back, line-dancing through the piles of money they’ve made from selling their child to the Disney factory.
Miley was presented with a Bob Marley cake and before devouring it face first, she gave a small speech, made up of words.
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Apparently, Miley Cyrus has put on some weight. No-one actually cares, but y’know, when weight is mentioned around women, everyone starts shrieking like someone just revealed a semtex waistcoat.
Some trollers, trying (successfully) to get a rise, pointed out that Miley had put some pounds on and thought it might be funny to call her ‘fat’.
Of course, Miley Cyrus isn’t fat. However, she does hate skinny women and wandered ever closer to the idiot arena of ‘real women have curves’. Get that thin ladies? You’re body shape is sexless compared to that of someone with a bit of an arse. HURRAY!
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In fairness to Michelle Williams, she really does have a brilliant haircut. However, you don’t want to hear us being nice about a woman’s barnet. You want us to be snarky and nasty. Don’t worry reader, it’s coming.
See, as good as Williams’ hairdo is, it’s still weird. Chilling in fact.
You see, her hair isn’t a fashion statement. She’s not thinking ‘Hell, I really like this Mia Farrow thing I’ve got going on‘, but rather, her hair is a memorial. You heard. It’s a tribute to the dead. She’s got corpse loving hair.
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Marilyn Monroe is a godsend for people who can’t be truly bothered to think of someone who is really beautiful. She’s short-hand for good looking and, mercifully for her legacy, she died too young so we didn’t get to see the ravages of time mess up that face of hers.
Of course, Monroe was quite the wit too, helping thousands of lazy people to avoid thinking of their own excuses for being flaky, and so they simply cut and paste ‘I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best,’ on to their terrible blogs.
And now, we’re about to get Monroemania all over again as the promo for Michelle Williams turn as Norma Jean begins with the trailer for ‘My Week With Marilyn’… and yep, we’ve got the trailer over the hump. Can Williams pull it off?
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When you were a child, chances are that your dreams of an older you revolved around being an astronaut, a surgeon, a model or something astonishingly vapid which, rightly, saw you roundly mocked by adults when you went to bed.
However, if you’re Michelle Williams, your dream was to attack Mike Tyson in the face ’til bits of it broke off.
That’s right, the Brokeback actress has ‘fessed up that, when she was a smaller version of herself, her dream was to be a professional boxer so she could take on the former heavyweight champion of the world. If his court cases are anything to go off, he may well have been up for battering a girl in the ring.
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Remember Michelle Williams? Of course you do. She was ‘Young Sil’ off of ‘Species’. No? What about ‘Minor Character’ from Dawson’s Creek that you only saw on Sunday morning whilst a bit hung-over? No? Oh well. She’s doing quite well now and will be appearing as Marilyn Monroe in a new film that absolutely no-one will watch because it sounds completely dreadful.
‘My Week With Marilyn’ will open to no acclaim at all, interesting only the three people who read ‘Sight & Sound’ as it sounds like the most ‘niche’ film ever. We’re not suggesting the following story is the result of blind desperation on the part of devious PR companies by the way.
Apparently Monroe – who we might repeat is long dead – approached her representative on Earth and gave full endorsement to ‘her-off-of-Dawson’s-Creek’. Despite being dead. Read More >>>
This might come as a shock to you, so make yourself comfortable. Ready? Marilyn Monroe might have taken drugs.
It’s shocking, we know. There was nothing to suggest that before. Not Marilyn Monroe’s well-established dependence on prescription medication, not the way Marilyn Monroe died because she took too many drugs. Nothing. This has come right out of the blue. We’re shocked. Shocked.
But it’s true. New home-recorded footage of Marilyn Monroe smoking what appears to be a joint has been purchased from a collector for $275,000. It’s thought that the footage will be put on permanent display in the Museum Of Unfathomably Dull Crap That Doesn’t Affect Anybody’s Life In The Slightest.
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How much do you like Marilyn Monroe? Enough to watch some of her films more than once? Enough to dress like her?
No? You like Marilyn Monroe more than that? Enough to spend the rest of time slowly decomposing inches away from her manky old corpse? No? You like Marilyn Monroe enough to pay $4.6 million so that you can decompose next to her?
Then you, sir, are a creepy old nutjob. And, since the winner of an eBay auction for that exact thing has just backed out, it could still be yours! What a result! What a creepy, creepy result.
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