Mariah Yeater - HecklerSpray

Justin Bieber Talks Directly To God (Or, If You Prefer, To Himself)

January 9th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Justin Bieber talks directly to God. Justin Bieber also thinks that “rape happens for a reason” as well. That invariably means we shouldn’t trust a vowel that dribbles out of that tiny week-old mouth of his.

He’s Canadian too. They’re all like Americans without the whole ‘inventing rock ‘n’ roll’ thing.

Anyway, Justin Bieber likes talking to the ether and pretending that God talks back to him. Presumably God advised that Bieber got a tattoo on his leg of Jesus. Sadly, God didn’t tell him to go to a decent tattoo parlour and JB is left with an image of what appears to be the lead singer of Nickelback on his calf.

Justin Bieber’s Grandparents Nearly Dead

December 29th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

If there’s one thing worse than a bad thing happening to a celebrity, it’s a bad thing happening to a non-celebrity that is in some way related to a celebrity. Take for example, the dreadful news that Justin Bieber’s grandparents are nearly dead.

You’ll be forgiven for thinking ‘all grandparents are nearly dead’, but you must remember that Bieber is a matter of hours old. So young is JB that his grandparents could justifiably be 23 years old or something.

No. They’re nearly dead because they’ve been in a car crash. This can only mean one thing…

Justin Bieber?s Baby Haver Still Won?t Give Up Her Fight

December 22nd, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Spare a thought for Justin Bieber this Christmas won't you? It's not because he's can't reach high shelves and get to his presents early. Instead, he's still got mentalist stalker Mariah Yeater claiming that he leaked some sperm inside of her and created a baby.

Instead of this matter being kept private due to its libel claim, it's great to know that Mariah Yeater has become something of a minor celebrity out of the whole ordeal. With various magazine and TV interviews, the money Yeater received will probably be used to pay damages towards Bieber when the negative result comes back on the DNA test.

Even though there are more holes in Mariah Yeater?s story than a blind cowboy, she's back again to protest how she's the innocent victim in all of this. Tristyn , the stupidly named child in question will be able to tell all its classmates in the future that he has a mentalist for a mother. We should say ‘allegedly’ now. Allegedly at absolutely everything.

Justin Bieber Definitely Not The Father Of That Kid Says Entirely Trustworthy Source From His Prison Cell ? Beyond Satire

December 16th, 2011 By Paul Pencott

It seems years ago Mariah Yeater made the unbelieble (!) claim that Justin Bieber had spaffed a viable sperm into her vulva resulting in a tiny little yodelling girl/boy-child growing in her womb when, to look at him, you couldn't imagine he'd progressed as far as having sex with Lady Palm and her five inexperienced clammy sisters.

There's been paternity tests and no-one?s known what to think until convicted criminal, current resident of the Big House, Mariah Yeater?s ex and beacon of truth Robert Powell (not that one) has revealed that actually HE is the father.

Yes really.

Mariah Yeater Likes To Take Drugs Infront Of Kids Supposedly

December 6th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Don't recognise the name of the person in the article heading? Don't worry, most people don't either. It's only when you mention that she's the alleged bearer of Justin Bieber?s child that causes people?s ears to prick up.

In a strange way, we kinda like this paternity situation because Bieber went totally badass on her. He must have grown some balls or at last spouted a few pubes as he has promises to sue her for spreading these rumours.

Alas, the DNA test seems to be taking bloody ages to come back, which seems odd. We wouldn't have thought that a few samples of a spit could take so long to analyse, especially given that Bieber is hardly old enough to have formed that much DNA. If they were British, they?d have the results fairly rapidly thanks to Jeremy Kyle. He can do them in 20 minutes, like developing Polaroids. Assuming that Bieber was able to maintain and use and erection, he will be thrilled to hear that his bundle of baby is allegedly living with a mother who takes drugs. Shock! Horror!

Justin Bieber Just Doesn’t Understand The World

November 28th, 2011 By Kris Silver

Pint Sized Canadian Pop Prince, Justin Bieber, really is the gift that just keeps on giving.

Fresh from “definitely” fathering a love child in a sweaty 30-second romp with a woman whose testimony is as reliable as that of Dr. Conrad Murray, Bieber has decided to, once again, showcase how empty the space between his ears is on national television.

Bieber?s lack of geographical knowledge was previously showcased on television in New Zealand, when he admitted, in a somewhat uncomfortable and borderline racist moment, that?they don't have the word German in America.

Girl Who Says She’s Had Bieber’s Baby Has Ex Shouting ‘It’s Mine’ Like He Wants To Pay Child Support Or Something

November 28th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

When a baby is born via parents no longer together, it isn’t uncommon for a Jerry Springer style argument to develop, with penis owners shouting ‘Well, it ain’t mine that’s for sure, you womanly leech!’

Justin Bieber is no different, looking at the whole situation and shrugging ‘I haven’t even met the girl! No way. Nuh-uh.‘

Apart from, that is, the ex-boyfriend of Justin Bieber’s alleged baby harvester, Mariah Yeater, who has NO DOUBT IN HIS MIND AT ALL (apart from the vague doubts in his mind) that the baby is his and, he so certain, he wants to take a DNA test to prove it. Roll on child support payments from whoever!

Mariah Yeater Wants Justin Bieber To Take Another DNA Test Just To See If He Has Any

November 24th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

You know the woman who said Justin Bieber rode her for 30 seconds backstage at one of his gigs, and as a result, popped out a small baby? Well, Mariah Yeater is at it again, asking for more of Justin’s DNA.

Presumably, the first DNA test came back with a report noting that Bieber was too young to have even developed any.

However, now he’s grown some finger nails and the fontanelle has started to harden on his famous head, she’s asking for another test. Maybe she’s going to swipe it and clone him because she’s mental or something? You’d have to be to willingly tell the world you’d had sex with a superstar infant with a face like a boiled kneecap.

Bieber’s Baby Is Back For Round 2

November 17th, 2011 By Kris Silver

STOP THE PRESSES! The Bieber baby drama may not be quite as dead as we all thought.

Jeffrey Leving, the lawyer representing Bieber?s baby momma, Mariah Yeater, has come out and said that the DNA test is still on! Meaning there's still a chance that Justin really was bustin? to get freaky with the single mother.

So forget everything we said yesterday, IT’S BACK ON BITCHES!

Has Justin Bieber Effectively Admitted To Having Unprotected Sex With Fan?

November 7th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

So Justin Bieber got all pissy when he heard that some lass was saying that she’d given birth to his baby, baby, baby oooh. He told us to forget those stupid claims and focus on his criminally awful Christmas album instead.

However, one thing Bieber wasn’t too good at refuting was the small matter of whether he’d actually sexed one up Mariah Yeater or not.

And now, in what appears to be an admission of shagging, he’s said that he’ll happily take a DNA test to show that he is not the father of Yeater’s child and then he’ll sue her good and proper.