If you thought the fuss over the I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here relationship between Marc Bannerman and Cerys Matthews was as tawdry as it could get, then we can only pity your poor naive souls.

That's because Marc Bannerman's ex-girlfriend is on the scene, and she's shrieking about HIV. Sarah Matravers - the girl who Marc Bannerman effectively cheated on by trying to cop off with Cerys Matthews after looking at her arse for a millisecond in the jungle in I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, has decided to get herself checked out down the STD clinic after hearing claims that Marc Bannerman had already been unfaithful to her. Quite why Sarah Matravers has decided to tell the whole world this is beyond us, but at least we're learning that bellowing "SHUT UP!" at the TV until we're blue in the face doesn't actually make people on TV shut up. So that's something.

The highlight of I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here this year was the blossoming romance between Mark Bannerman and Cerys Matthews, possibly the two people in the whole world you've thought about least over the last five years.

You see, even though Mark Bannerman had a girlfriend and Cerys Matthews had hands that looked like geriatric scrotum-skin stretched across several wire coathangers, the pair of them fell in love during their time on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. And not just any kind of love, either - Mark Bannerman and Cerys Matthews found the kind of deep everlasting love that only washed-up popstars and people from failed wrestling-based reality TV shows can encounter after spending 15 minutes in a cleared-out piece of forest together. And, by christ, we wish they'd both shut up about it.