It wasn't fun living near Jane Seymour – you'd want to go and ask her specific questions about season four of Dr Quinn Medicine Woman and all you'd be greeted with is a wall of deafening noise.

But now Jane Seymour's Somerset neighbours won't have to put up with it any longer because – following endless complaints and protests and bitching about all the noise constantly being blasted out of her country mansion, Jane Seymour has relented and decided to sell up. It's a perfect conclusion for the locals, really, for two reasons. Firstly, whoever buys the mansion won't be so quick to let Radiohead record albums there – which will probably halve the suicides in Bath in one fell swoop – plus it will give them more time to pick on the second-loudest Bath resident, a particularly flatulent bank vole called Ethel. 

Jane Seymour's year has been all ups and downs. She's had to endure the tragic death of her mother and then, if that wasn't bad enough, she was beaten at dancing by a woman who can't even stand up. And now Jane Seymour is being forced to sell her country mansion by angry locals – all she needs now is for a dirt-faced cockney urchin to kick her in the shins and tell her that Benny and Barney: Las Vegas Undercover was rubbish and that's 2007 well and truly effed for her.

But back to the mansion bit. You may remember that residents of Bath got the hump with Jane Seymour in the summer because she applied for a 24-hour alcohol and entertainment license for her Grade-I listed St Catherine's Court mansion, and then did nothing but churn out all-night noisy drunken disco parties as a result.

It was especially galling for the locals because not only did Jane Seymour spend most of her time in Malibu, meaning that she was effectively letting strangers irresponsibly ruin the peace and quiet, but the noise also shattered the concentration level of each of the participants in the recent Bath And Wells 'Why Immigrants Should Be Burnt' foxhunt and chili cook-off.

But no longer, because Jane Seymour has decided that she's had enough of listening to indignant yokels howling angrily at her and has sold the mansion. According to her estate manager, Jane Seymour and her husband have already sold the house to a mystery buyer. Fingers crossed that it's either Amy Winehouse or that fat woman from Wife Swap, because we'd hate to think of the residents having nothing to get red-faced and uptight about.

But at least this proves that people power is alive and well, and that even the noisiest of neighbours can be moved on by a sustained attack. See, people living close to Kate Moss? We won't give up on you yet.

Read more:

Jane Sells Mansions After Rows – Metro 

It looks like the latest wildfires to hit California might be an act of God, in which case we can assume that God dislikes the Red Hot Chili Peppers almost as much as we do.

That's because Flea, the man responsible for all of the Red Hot Chili Peppers' interminable bass solos, is the highest-profile victim of the wildfires that swept through Malibu this weekend. According to Flea himself, his $4.8 million Malibu mansion has been "burnt to a crisp." It's a tragic situation for Flea to be in, because not only was he forced to witness the total destruction of his house, but he's now also been forced into emergency accommodation in the form of the other $10 million mansion he also owns in Malibu. We sense the next Red Hot Chili Peppers album might be quite heavy on the bass-led ballads about how crap it is to only have one multi-million dollar Malibu mansion instead of two, you know.

As we speak the Red Hot Chili Peppers are busy suing Showtime because they have an album called Californication and Showtime has a show called Californication. Nobody knows which way the lawsuit will go yet, but we're assuming that Mother Nature wants Showtime to win, because she's just burnt down Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers' house down. Personally if we were Mother Nature we'd have also set fire to David Duchovny's house as well, partly out of a sense of fairness and partly because we'd want to scare him into never making any more episodes of that rubbish TV show ever again, but we just don't have that power.

So it's just Flea who got hit by the latest wildfires to hit California this weekend, causing 15,000 people to evacuate their properties and thought to be started by either arson or a fallen power line. One of Flea's two Malibu mansions has been completely gutted by the fire – the one that was apparently on sale for $4.8 million, and was described by estate agents Pritchett-Rapf & Associates as being:

"Set in a botanical paradise, this private 2.4 acre compound also features a newly refinished pool and spa, private alcoves and pathways throughout the grounds."

Something tells us that Flea probably won't get the asking price for the mansion any more, unless millionaires exist who are equally enthusiastic about hopelessly generic middle of the road self-indulgent old man white boy funk-rock and smouldering piles of ash, which we can't really see happening. Nobody likes white boy funk-rock that much, surely.

But let's not mock Flea too much, because losing your house in a wildfire must be an indescribably traumatic thing to go through for anyone, and that includes slightly annoying members of bands we don't like all that much.

So instead, let's treat Flea's misfortune as a lesson here – what with all the violent displays of uncontrollable fire and the possibility of either being smacked in the face with Britney Spears' vagina or being ethnically insulted by Mel Gibson, we're going to strike Malibu off our list of holiday destinations for next year. That just leaves Kabul, which is probably better because we're really worried about the vagina thing happening.

Read more:

Flea, Red Hot Chili Peppers bassist, Loses Home In Malibu Fire – Los Angeles Times