Articles tagged with: Man
Cher’s Gay Daughter To Surgically Become Cher’s Straight Son
We've heard a time or two that it's difficult to be gay. Not only do you have to drink from separate drinking fountains in California, but there's all that chaffing in really crazy places. Both of those factors may have contributed to Cher's daughter Chastity deciding to become Cher's son Chaz. Let us be clear in stating that we don't know for sure why Chastity/Chaz is going under the genital-hungry knife. We suspect it's probably because she just doesn't want to be gay anymore, and a patch-work penis is her only way to the front of the bus.
We've heard a time or two that it's difficult to be gay. Not only do you have to drink from separate drinking fountains in California, but there's all that chaffing in really crazy places. Both of those factors may have contributed to Cher's daughter Chastity deciding to become Cher's son Chaz. Let us be clear in stating that we don't know for sure why Chastity/Chaz is going under the genital-hungry knife. We suspect it's probably because she just doesn't want to be gay anymore, and a patch-work penis is her only way to the front of the bus.
Nicole Kidman: Transsexual
Nicole Kidman has made flops for five years, so now she's going to change that - by making a film about Nicole Kidman's penis. According to reports, Nicole Kidman has signed up to play Einar Wegener - the world's first male-to-female post-op transsexual - in a movie adaptation of the novel The Danish Girl. It sounds like playing Wegener could be the biggest gamble of Nicole Kidman's career, but we're certain that she'll cope with it. Why? Two reasons. Firstly, Nicole Kidman's face is now so unsettlingly immobile that at least if she has a penis flapping about between her legs we'll be able to know when she's sexually aroused, which is one more identifiable emotion than she's been able to convincingly deliver recently. Secondly, Nicole Kidman knows about getting your dick removed - she did get divorced from Tom Cruise, remember.
Nicole Kidman has made flops for five years, so now she's going to change that - by making a film about Nicole Kidman's penis. According to reports, Nicole Kidman has signed up to play Einar Wegener - the world's first male-to-female post-op transsexual - in a movie adaptation of the novel The Danish Girl. It sounds like playing Wegener could be the biggest gamble of Nicole Kidman's career, but we're certain that she'll cope with it. Why? Two reasons. Firstly, Nicole Kidman's face is now so unsettlingly immobile that at least if she has a penis flapping about between her legs we'll be able to know when she's sexually aroused, which is one more identifiable emotion than she's been able to convincingly deliver recently. Secondly, Nicole Kidman knows about getting your dick removed - she did get divorced from Tom Cruise, remember.
Rolling Stones Song Wakes Man Up From Coma, And Its Not Keith Richards
For years the Rolling Stones have been giving hope to the dead and the nearly dead. Not through their music - no, just in the fact that they can still get around reasonably well without having had an actual pulse in over thirty years. Seriously - its inspiring. Get on that Lifetime. OK, well sometimes the hope-giving is through their music. Take a man who was recently in a coma, for instance. His wife plugged some headphones into his ears, blasted I Can't Get No Satisfaction, and then the guy's ears started to tremble and bleed. That song does the exact same thing to us. It usually starts 1/3 into verse 1. The guys ears didn't really bleed - he miraculously woke up.
For years the Rolling Stones have been giving hope to the dead and the nearly dead. Not through their music - no, just in the fact that they can still get around reasonably well without having had an actual pulse in over thirty years. Seriously - its inspiring. Get on that Lifetime. OK, well sometimes the hope-giving is through their music. Take a man who was recently in a coma, for instance. His wife plugged some headphones into his ears, blasted I Can't Get No Satisfaction, and then the guy's ears started to tremble and bleed. That song does the exact same thing to us. It usually starts 1/3 into verse 1. The guys ears didn't really bleed - he miraculously woke up.
Man Forbidden From Touching Cher, Requests Incarceration
Also, one day we'd really like to touch Cher - if we plan things right we can do it seconds before we touch that soap if you know what we mean. Some drunk in a bar was pretty set on touching her recently - he tried a whole bunch of times.
But alas, destiny was not in his favor, and she stabbed his throat instead.
She didn't stab him. We reiterate - Cher has never stabbed anybody. How could she? Her adult granddaughter was using the steak knife to cut Cher's meat into more age-friendly sizes.
hecklerspray is on a waiting list three-years long for the privilege of touching some soap that's said to have once washed the velvety-nethers of Louis Farrakhan during the million man march.
Also, one day we'd really like to touch Cher - if we plan things right we can do it seconds before we touch that soap if you know what we mean. Some drunk in a bar was pretty set on touching her recently - he tried a whole bunch of times.
But alas, destiny was not in his favor, and she stabbed his throat instead.
She didn't stab him. We reiterate - Cher has never stabbed anybody. How could she? Her adult granddaughter was using the steak knife to cut Cher's meat into more age-friendly sizes.
Cher can cut her own meat. We reiterate - Cher can cut her own meat.
