Shoplifting has always been a part of human culture, ever since Zog The Caveman got caught stealing mammoth tooth necklaces from the jewellery counter in Flinty McGinty's Wonderful World Of Weird Neanderthal Shit.

It was only with the 2002 trial of Winona Ryder, however, that shoplifting truly became a worldwide phenomenon.

Why? Because Ryder gave the genre that all-important celebrity endorsement, that's why. And – as we all know – if a celebrity does something, then it instantly becomes ten million billion times more fashionable and impressive. That's the reason for all those George Formby tribute bands coming together the nation over, now that the Arctic Monkeys have pioneered the movement.

For those of you unaware of dear Noni's past exploits, she was caught six years back walking out of a Beverly Hills clothes store with $3,000 worth of unpaid-for clothing. For a moment she actually tried claiming that she was 'researching for a role', before abandoning that approach when she realised it was the worst excuse since John Wayne Gacy said that the 27 guys underneath the crawlspace were just 'having a nap'.

You would think – after being sentenced to three years probation and 480 hours community service – that she had learnt her lesson, wouldn't you? Weeeelll … you'd be wrong.