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make-up

WEBTHUMP! The Return Of The Thump!

by Michael Park on October 26, 2011 0 Comments

10. Not content with being a famous actor/musician/turkey-peddler Martin Kemp has taken to inventing emoticons. Is there no end to this man’s talents?!

9. Hallowe’en’s coming so here’s a gentleman teaching you how to TEAR YOUR GOD DAMNED EYE OUT!! Or at least make it look like you did.

8. No internet round up would be complete without something to do with a CAT now, would it?

7. “Let’s fly the kids out to be with their parents in a war zone!” “But that’s a terrible idea!” “It wasn’t me, it was the work experience kid.” Oh…

6. Invented Time Travel: What have you ever done?

5. Sexism’s cool, right? That must be why this story’s on the Newsbeat page.

4. Just what in the name of blue balls is flarf poetry? It hardly matters. Or maybe this interview by Ruth Tolerton with poet Spencer Madsen will explain. MAYBE.

3. It’s almost Hallowe’en so of course you want to go as a… wait… a “sexy” Wolverine? Riggggghhhhht.

2. Herman Cain, nefarious Presidential candidate has a campaign video that’s just bound to go viral. It’s Block Being Block.

1. A whole range of Star Wars ice-cube trays? Well… if you insist.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or face dire consequences or ‘Like’ us on Facebook or BUY ONE OF OUR T-SHIRTS OR WE’LL KILL EVERYONE YOU LOVE… & your little dog too!

Winona Ryder Up To Wacky Shoplifting Antics Again

by C J Davies on March 20, 2008 1 Comment

Winona Ryder shoplifting Hollywood make-upShoplifting has always been a part of human culture, ever since Zog The Caveman got caught stealing mammoth tooth necklaces from the jewellery counter in Flinty McGinty's Wonderful World Of Weird Neanderthal Shit.

It was only with the 2002 trial of Winona Ryder, however, that shoplifting truly became a worldwide phenomenon.

Why? Because Ryder gave the genre that all-important celebrity endorsement, that's why. And – as we all know – if a celebrity does something, then it instantly becomes ten million billion times more fashionable and impressive. That's the reason for all those George Formby tribute bands coming together the nation over, now that the Arctic Monkeys have pioneered the movement.

For those of you unaware of dear Noni's past exploits, she was caught six years back walking out of a Beverly Hills clothes store with $3,000 worth of unpaid-for clothing. For a moment she actually tried claiming that she was 'researching for a role', before abandoning that approach when she realised it was the worst excuse since John Wayne Gacy said that the 27 guys underneath the crawlspace were just 'having a nap'.

You would think – after being sentenced to three years probation and 480 hours community service – that she had learnt her lesson, wouldn't you? Weeeelll … you'd be wrong.

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Shoplifting has always been a part of human culture, ever since Zog The Caveman got caught stealing mammoth tooth necklaces from the jewellery counter in Flinty McGinty's Wonderful World Of Weird Neanderthal Shit. It was only with the 2002 trial of Winona Ryder, however, that shoplifting truly became a worldwide phenomenon. Why? Because Ryder gave the genre that all-important celebrity endorsement, that's why. And - as we all know - if a celebrity does something, then it instantly becomes ten million billion times more fashionable and impressive. That's the reason for all those George Formby tribute bands coming together the nation over, now that the Arctic Monkeys have pioneered the movement. For those of you unaware of dear Noni's past exploits, she was caught six years back walking out of a Beverly Hills clothes store with $3,000 worth of unpaid-for clothing. For a moment she actually tried claiming that she was 'researching for a role', before abandoning that approach when she realised it was the worst excuse since John Wayne Gacy said that the 27 guys underneath the crawlspace were just 'having a nap'. You would think - after being sentenced to three years probation and 480 hours community service - that she had learnt her lesson, wouldn't you? Weeeelll ... you'd be wrong.