Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

Hecklerspray just bought 7 lead-lined safes and converted them into underpants.  Sure, our pants now look bulgy and perfectly square, but it’s worth it because we just learned about a guy with X-Ray eyes. All of our genitalia demands privacy, you see, and that’s just something we don’t think we could ever have with people like this lurking about.

You don’t believe us, do you? Well read on then – and learn about the man named Kuda Bux.

Who’d have ever guessed that eyes could be such formidable weapons. Remember the kid who went around accidentally lighting everything on fire by simply looking at it? Well now the dangerous eye ball club has a new member. And by new we mean since the 1930s or something.

Kuda Bux had a strange ability. He’s  let you cover his head with about a million layers of varied materials, and then he’d read you a story. To someone not present at one of these demonstrations you’d think there were a million ways for this to be a cheap parlor trick. So let’s hear from someone who was present for at least two of these demonstrations. It’s a long excerpt but it kind of needs to be. This from AmazingAbilities.com:

“…Kuda Bux continued, “I would like two volunteers.” Two young fellows, apparently college students, stood up to volunteer… Kuda Bux took two baseball sized quantities of freshly kneaded white flour dough from a box on a table. He kneaded each ball of dough for a brief time and then flattened it into a round inch-thick patty about six inches in diameter. As he handed each volunteer one of the patties, he said, “Hold these.” He closed both eyes, leaning his head back. He instructed, “Take the dough and seal my eyes shut.” The volunteers were slow to respond. “Just lay it flat over my eyes,” Kuda Bux urged. The two men obliged. “Press it down all around so it is completely sealed.”

“…The dough filled his entire eye sockets and extended out from his eyes which completely sealed both eyes shut. There was no doubt that his eyes were pasted shut. [He] continued directing the volunteers, “There are two cotton wads on the table. Take those and place them over the dough.” The men obliged. They were pieces of cotton about an inch thick, and about 4 inches wide by 6 inches long. They were placed vertically over the dough. “Take the tape. There is a roll of tape on the table. Take the tape and tape the cotton in place,” Kuda Bux continued. As one fellow pulled a strip of tape from the dispenser, Kuda Bux explained, “Make it about ten inches long. Just tape over the cotton onto my face.”

“The volunteers got the idea and while one cut ten-inch long strips of this inch-wide medicinal tape, the other fellow took the tape and criss-cross it over the cotton and onto Kuda Bux’s face. It was clearly evident that the cotton wads were firmly in place over the eyes, extending from the middle of the forehead down to the lower part of his cheeks. Even if Kuda Bux could somehow peak under the dough, he would not be able to peak under the cotton and the tape as well.

“As if this was not enough Kuda Bux instructed, “There are black cloth strips in the box. Take those and place them over the cotton, and tie them behind my head.” As the two fellows pulled out the five cloth strips, I could see they were opaque, about three inches wide, and each about three feet long. “Look them over,” urged Kuda Bux. “Can you see through them?” The two fellows tested the cotton strips and began putting them in place. Kuda Bux guided their placement so that two cotton strips were criss-crossed to form an X over each eye. As each was held in place Kuda Bux said, “Tie it in the back. Make sure it is tight.” The criss-crossing of the cotton strips over his eyes left only the nostrils exposed and almost fully sealed off his mouth. Kuda Bux then guided the last cotton strip horizontally over both eyes while the volunteers tied that last one in place at the back of his head as well.

“At this point the entire array took on the appearance of a mummified head. Two small openings remained for breathing through the nostrils and only a little space was evident over the center of the mouth. My meticulous scrutiny confirmed that Kuda Bux’s eyes were out of commission. Finally, to convince the die-hard skeptic he asked the volunteers to get the small black sack from the table. This sack was made of an opaque thick cloth. “Now put this over my head,” Kuda Bux instructed. “Try to see through it,” he said. The two fellows put it up to the light and tried to see through it. They were satisfied that it was not a trick bag, and placed it over Kuda Bux’s head.

“”Tighten the bag under my chin,” instructed Kuda Bux. One of the fellows pulled the draw strings tightly to seal off Kuda Bux’s entire head. Breathing was obviously difficult, and seeing with his physical eyes was impossible.”

Well that’s all well and good, but what would he do once he was in the dark? According to Randi.org:

“He would then drive a car, duplicate handwriting or drawings, and even fire a rifle at targets indicated by a volunteer. Once, he bicycled on New York’s Broadway while blindfolded, a dangerous feat even when fully sighted.”

Wikipedia goes on with some of his feats:

“Most astoundingly, observers noted that the unblindfolded Bux required reading glasses to read fine print. Whilst blindfolded Kuda Bux would read the dates on coins which are held on a spectator’s hand, read the fine print of a magazine, thread a needle, duplicate words he had never seen written, shoot a bullseye with a pellet gun, and many other mysteries.”

He’s also read and answer written questions. It’s important to note, however, that when Bux would give these demonstrations (at least the one as listed above from AmazingAbilities.com) he did so for free. He would put an ad in the paper, rent out a hall & let anyone attend who wanted to. He didn’t sell tickets, ask for donations or try to hawk lessons. Granted it did get him a certain level of fame, but that doesn’t seem to be his intent.

Bux said that anybody can do what he did with practice – and he told us how to practice as well.  All you have to do is stare at a candle for twenty years. No, really. This also comes from AmazingAbilities.com:

“”Can anyone learn to do this?” someone else asked. “Yes,” Kuda Bux affirmed. “You can develop your power of concentration by gazing at the gap between a flame and the candle. Do this just a few seconds at first,” he explained. “After some time you will be able to do this for much longer. It will take about twenty years of daily practice to get results.” Kuda Bux expressed his desire to teach anyone for free, but got no takers; understandably, since twenty years is just too long to be staring at candles.”

There you have it. For only twenty years of patience unending, you can gain a skill that’ll get you booked on Letterman.

Have at it.

If you’re looking for something to do in the mean time, enjoy this video of Bux doing his thing a few decades ago:

Right, we’re going to need some help with this. If you’re a magician, you’ve just become our best friend.

After the jump you’ll see a video from street magician Dynamo. He’s a bit like David Blaine in a way, except he doesn’t draw eyes on his hands and therefore isn’t as much of a tit. But we digress.

In the video, Dynamo does one of those old tricks where he switches one banknote for another one that’s locked away in a bag. You’ll have seen the trick a million times before. What we want to know is this: how does it work? Watch the video below and put an end to our misery. It’s sending us potty.

Visit Free AVG now.

Hand models, being essential to the global economy, must be protected at all costs.

Without them the rest of us would be quite helpless when trying to order a watch from a catalogue. Also mitten sales would plummet, and Palmolive would become just an ordinary dish soap.

Martha Stewart doesn’t care though. That’s why she allows the furniture she sells to cut off hand model fingers anytime it wants to. It happened recently you know – and not just to any ordinary hand model – he was a magician and a banjo player too.

Notice that’s all past tense – way past tense.

Patrick Albanese was a banjo playing hand-model magician who liked nothing more than to do things with his fingers. He’d use them to pick things up, he’d use them to put things down, and if our general suspicions are correct – he’d use them to cuff rabbits to the inside of very long and tall top hats.

One day, not too long ago, he was using them to pick up a piece of lawn furniture. He’d acquired said furniture from Martha Stewart’s Living Omnimedia company. Sure he did – he trusted her. He’d probably purchased her fine products before – and heaven knows he made the Quiche Lorraine from her Oct 2007 issue of Martha Stewart Living.

We made it too. We found it salty.

Anyway – Albanese picked up the lawn chair – and then the unthinkable happened. the AP says:

“A hand model, magician and actor blames a Martha Stewart-branded lounge chair for snipping off a bit of his livelihood. In a lawsuit filed Monday against Kmart Corp. and Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, Patrick Albanese said he was moving the Martha Stewart Everyday lounge chair on a deck in June when the front tubular legs collapsed, crushing his right index finger between one of the chair legs and a tubular bar on the base of the chair. The lawsuit said the fingertip fell beneath the deck but was later retrieved by a relative. Albanese’s attorney, Guy Cook, said the finger tip was reattached by a surgeon.”

All we can say is too bad Tyra’s transgender friend didn’t know about a chair like this. He/she could have been in the right body years ago.

The whole thing’s got us worried though – what’s a hand model to do once his finger-laced appendages become scarred and hideous? Sure, he could probably model snow boots or something but that’s never been lucrative.

That’s not to say they could never be lucrative. Snow boots are a fine product, the world’s just nort ready for winter-time dry socks yet. Not on a major scale its not.