Articles tagged with: Magazine
If Kate Gosselin plays her cards right she could soon be the flagship of two TV shows. Jon & Kate Plus 8 being the first, of course. That's obvious. Her second show isn't as conventional. That's because Hugh Hefner has recently offered to pay to digitally add Gosselin to every single Diane-episode of Cheers that was ever filmed. Using Forrest Gump technology she'd be seen sitting between Norm & Cliff gnawing on pretzels & slobbery mail bags. We would watch that. What we wouldn't watch is anything where-in her clothes were off. That, in actuality, is where Hefner enters the story.
Everyone wants to see Bronx Mowgli Wentz - because if the face matches the name then that's one ugly baby. But cool your jets, world. Pete Wentz doesn't roll like those other celebrity idiots. True, he does roll like those other celebrity idiots in that he's got a stupid haircut, a humiliatingly-named baby and he married one of the Simpson girls without really thinking it through first, but Pete Wentz definitely isn't selling his baby photos to a magazine. Bronx Mowgli's just too precious for that. Plus it'll mean that now Pete'll make a crapload from selling the reality TV show rights. A crapload.
Things we've learnt today, number 14 - Jessica Alba has an unusually dominant hairiness gene. She must have, because Jessica Alba is on the cover of this week's OK! magazine with her new baby daughter Honor Marie and we'll be blowed if Alba Jr doesn't have the fullest head of hair we've ever seen on any single living creature ever. It's astounding. At least, we're assuming that Jessica Alba's daughter has a thick head of hair. For all we know it could be a wig covering up for the time when Honor Marie went out, got drunk and had 'I hated The Love Guru' tattooed across her bald scalp deliberately to try and spite Jessica Alba and sabotage her big-money covershoot. In fact, screw it, let's just say that's what happened anyway.
When Angelina Jolie's impending twins finally spill out, they will likely be accompanied by sunbeams and rainbows.
The whole world waits on edge, listening intently for the double baby-wail emanating from some crummy French town.
Everyone, no doubt, will demand to see pictures - and all magazines everywhere know this.
That's why there's such an intense bidding war going on.And if you're the mag that offers the most money, you get the pics - along with a strange stipulation.
You could never print the term Brangelina behind your glossy cover again.
In the finest tradition of any parent of a popular tabloid celebrity, yet another money-making scheme has been hatched by Michael Lohan, father of Lindsay and rumoured father of future singing sensation (ahem) Ashley Kaufmann.
This has to be some kind of record, the speed at which the cynical wheels of the man's mind have been turning, pushing him ever closer to the seventh level of hell in his endless pursuit to make a quick buck from his family. For god's sake - it hasn't even been confirmed that Ashley is his daughter. To say hecklerspray is incredulous is something of an understatement. And when we understate, you know something is really up.
Hecklerspray are a bunch of merry people who would never inflict any harm on you.
We’d do anything to help you out. Say you thought some Russian military types had tampered with your food; we’d be there to help you. Sure, we’d be putting our own life at risk as we gingerly slurped your tomato soup, but we love you and would never turn down your request.
However, there are some factors that we can’t control: famine, Bono, global warming and hay fever (oh dear God the hay fever). At first the problem is confined to one area, but it then slowly spreads around the world. Look at Bono - Ireland suffered for so long until he was unleashed to the world.
Now it's England’s turn to unleash one of their ropiest creations, this time on an unsuspecting America. Lily Allen has been granted a visa. Batten down the hatches, quick!
It’s a little later in the week than we’re used to seeing it but, here’s this week’s drunken catastrophe, folks: Lily Allen.
Who had bets on Lily Allen for this week? Odds were vastly in favor of another Amy Winehouse meltdown, but when Lily Allen showed up at the Glamour Magazine awards with bright pink hair and that glistening, boozy glow, she quickly became the hammered, career plummeting favourite.
And sure not to disappoint, we can all enjoy Lily Allen’s victory speech, also known as the morning after regretful blog entry.
Hey girls, did you know you'll never be as beautiful as Kate Hudson? You didn't? Well you're not, so why don't you just hurl yourself under a lorry or something. We're not being cruel here, we're just stating a fact. People magazine has named its most beautiful people of the year and Kate Hudson has won. You weren't even in the top ten, you massive uggo. Don't get sad, it's the truth. And you can't dispute that a massive magazine like People doesn't know what it's talking about, because look at the runners-up who came after Kate Hudson - Mary J Blige, Bruce Willis' daughter, a woman we've never heard of whose name is Beard, the ginger woman who got her minge out in Short Cuts. That's beauty you just can't argue with, girls.
