Piers Morgan, the ever lovable former Daily Mirror editor and man for whom the word smarmy was invented, certainly has gotten his large, soiled knickers in a twist of late.
We’re not even half way through the week and he’s already attempted to take some cheap shots at 2 people who are infinitely more famous and loved than him.
It’s the equivalent of the school weed slagging off the popular kids because they won’t invite him to their fancy pool parties when their parents go to Tuscany for the weekend. Read More >>>
Okay. Credit where credit is due: Madonna’s halftime show at the Super Bowl was pretty brilliant. That’s even taking into account that LMFAO showed up and the always disappointing MIA flipped the bird in an attempt to show her terrible hipster fans that she hadn’t ‘sold out’.
And so, if the Super Bowl show was anything to go by, Madge’s announcement that she will be going on a tour of the world should be met with some excitement.
Provided of course, her new LP (dubbed ‘MDNA’) isn’t a gigantic brown trout of a release.
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Remember when Janet Jackson invented the term ‘wardrobe malfunction’ at the Super Bowl? That was good wasn’t it? In the old days, it was just called ‘flashing’ or ‘exposing yourself’, which is clearly what happened, but Janet’s people had to pretend it was an accident.
Well, people are a little nervous of a nipple being shown at the Super Bowl halftime show this year, mainly because no-one in their right mind wants to see Madonna’s rock-hard gym-sculpted banger on view, all sinew and veins.
And mercifully, she’s promised that this won’t be happening.
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Ah the Super Bowl, the pinnacle of sporting exuberance and over celebration. And as it’s Super Bowl (or Superb Owl if you prefer), we’ll be running a series of specials to whet your whistles. In the words of Stanley Ralph Ross, so immortalised by Jim McKay “The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat”.
The unfortunate truth about the Super Bowl is that a large proportion of them have been crap, crap, one-sided affairs that were not so much the ultimate gladiatorial fight that is often portrayed, but more like that bit in Raiders of the Lost Arc where Indiana just shoots the sword wielding guy.
Anyways, regardless of the final outcome there have been some very good individual moments from the Super Bowl, here’s the best top 10 Super Bowl moments your stupid eyes will ever see.
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Modern society, we’re so advanced aren’t we? With our two-in-one shampoo and conditioner and trendy high street café’s selling luxury iced coffee! Really, we’ve never had it so good. But all of this pampering has left us soft as a nation.
Back in the days of the Vikings and Romans, heated disputes were usually sorted with a punch-up whilst a baying crowd watched until one opponent cried blood.
Now feuding people take to media to vent their rage. If you’re Elton John, an American TV show to talk about Madonna, specifically.
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Only the mysterious hecklerspray phantom bothered reporting on the 69th annual Golden Globe ceremony that took place on Sunday evening. Of course, we were ready to take multiple notes on the ceremony and present you with a factual article about the winners, losers and which actress had slopped gravy down their dress.
However, broadcaster E! decided that viewers in the UK weren’t allowed to watch the actual ceremony. Instead of seeing Ricky Gervais offend Hollywood’s elite, viewers were instead treated to endless repeat of an advert featuring Kim Kardashian getting out a helicopter. If they couldn’t be bothered, then neither could we.
So, we still don’t know what happened at the Golden Globes. Nobody injured themselves from what we gather (shame), but following the ceremony, it looks like a bitchfest has kicked off between Mrs. Elton John and Mr. Madonna. A case of sour grapes after losing out in an awards category? Or a bout of jealousy because Madonna bagged herself the sparkly orphan that they both wanted?
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Hey! America! You know that song you have that goes “Oh say can you see? By the dawn’s early light! Da-da-dum, dee-dee-dee, the actor called Rocket Redglare’s arse glows!” or whatever it is? Well, once again, it will be sung at a major sporting event where you don’t compete against anyone else in the world!
And who might be fluffing the lyrics to it at Super Bowl XLVI?!
Why, it’s the regrettably nice Kelly Clarkson who is very, very difficult to hate – unless you listen to her music.
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Mumm-Ra of pop, Madonna, with her face like an elephant’s knee… with her forehead like Bob Hope’s elbow scrag… with a neck like a deflated basketball’s scrotum, has been asked about the secret of her youthful face.
Yes, feel free to wipe the contents of your mouth off your computer monitor.
So what keeps Madge’s face looking the way it does? Is she gorging on young men, draining all their blood through some vicious, veiny proboscis that fires out of her lower mandible? Or maybe she bathes in teenage semen?
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