madge - HecklerSpray

GaGa Reminds Madonna To Be Madonna, Madonna Gets Video Banned For Being Too Raunchy

March 26th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Madonna was at the top of the pop tree for so long that she got bloated. She indulged in dumb mysticism and since then, made some flabby pop albums and looked so very, very old and infirm.

Of course, an old and infirm Madonna is still much better value than a thousand Rihanna’s, but something interesting happened in the shape of Lady GaGa.

Basically, GaGa reminded Madge what she was supposed to be. And in Her Madgesty’s latest video – Girls Gone Wild – you can see how GaGa has influenced Madonna, who influenced GaGa in the first place. It’s a circle jerk that’s ended up in the customary VIDEO HAS BEEN BANNED FOR BEING TOO RUDE.

Madonna’s New Album Leaks, So You Don’t Have To Buy It

March 20th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

You know how Madonna is releasing a new record? Well, there really is no need to buy it (whenever it finally gets a release) because someone has already decided to leak it, with MDNA appearing on torrent sites.

That’s nice isn’t it?

Saves everyone from having to fork out ?15 for a bunch of music made by a woman who, frankly, doesn’t really need the money anymore. What a joyous world we live in. Of course, Her Madge’s team has something to say about it all.

Malawi Now Thoroughly Sick Of Madonna

March 14th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Now that Jesus, Lady Diana and Mother Teresa are all dead (yes, yes, they still live on in our hearts), a variety of celebrities have tried to step up to the plate and save the world from itself. How incredibly noble and altruistic of them.

We’ve got Bono glaring at famine, Geldof glaring at famine, Wogan hiding behind a teddy with one-eye, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie trying to adopt every child on Earth and Madonna… well… pestering Malawi.

And Malawi is, quite frankly, sick of her sticking her oar in.

Madonna’s ‘Highly Psychotic’ Stalker Is On The Loose! Hurray!

February 10th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Robert Dewey Hoskins, who probably writes for hecklerspray for all we know, was sentenced to 10 years in the clink in 1996 after being arrested for scaling a wall around Madonna’s home (impressive enough in itself) before threatening to slit her throat.

Seriously. We know her music isn’t as good as it used to be, but even we think that’s a bit much.

Anyway, understandably, Madge thought that this was all rather upsetting, and ended up testifying during Hoskins’ trial, saying that she had nightmares about the homeless man from Oregon after he kept appearing near her house. THE GOOD NEWS? He’s on the loose again!

Madonna To Take Her Sinewy Limbs On A Monstrous World Tour

February 7th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Okay. Credit where credit is due: Madonna’s halftime show at the Super Bowl was pretty brilliant. That’s even taking into account that LMFAO showed up and the always disappointing MIA flipped the bird in an attempt to show her terrible hipster fans that she hadn’t ‘sold out’.

And so, if the Super Bowl show was anything to go by, Madge’s announcement that she will be going on a tour of the world should be met with some excitement.

Provided of course, her new LP (dubbed ‘MDNA’) isn’t a gigantic brown trout of a release.

Elton John vrs Madonna: Still Bickering Like Massive Bitches

January 31st, 2012 By Matthew Laidlow

Modern society, we're so advanced aren't we? With our two-in-one shampoo and conditioner and trendy high street caf??s selling luxury iced coffee! Really, we've never had it so good. But all of this pampering has left us soft as a nation.

Back in the days of the Vikings and Romans, heated disputes were usually sorted with a punch-up whilst a baying crowd watched until one opponent cried blood.

Now feuding people take to media to vent their rage. If you're Elton John, an American TV show to talk about Madonna, specifically.

Elton John v Madonna: Handbags At Dawn

January 17th, 2012 By Matthew Laidlow

Only the mysterious hecklerspray phantom bothered reporting on the 69th annual Golden Globe ceremony that took place on Sunday evening. Of course, we were ready to take multiple notes on the ceremony and present you with a factual article about the winners, losers and which actress had slopped gravy down their dress.

However, broadcaster E! decided that viewers in the UK weren't allowed to watch the actual ceremony. Instead of seeing Ricky Gervais offend Hollywood?s elite, viewers were instead treated to endless repeat of an advert featuring Kim Kardashian getting out a helicopter. If they couldn’t be bothered, then neither could we.

So, we still don't know what happened at the Golden Globes. Nobody injured themselves from what we gather (shame), but following the ceremony, it looks like a bitchfest has kicked off between Mrs. Elton John and Mr. Madonna. A case of sour grapes after losing out in an awards category? Or a bout of jealousy because Madonna bagged herself the sparkly orphan that they both wanted?

Wizened Old Hag, Madonna, Shares Secret Of ‘Youth’

January 12th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Mumm-Ra of pop, Madonna, with her face like an elephant’s knee… with her forehead like Bob Hope’s elbow scrag… with a neck like a deflated basketball’s scrotum, has been asked about the secret of her youthful face.

Yes, feel free to wipe the contents of your mouth off your computer monitor.

So what keeps Madge’s face looking the way it does? Is she gorging on young men, draining all their blood through some vicious, veiny proboscis that fires out of her lower mandible? Or maybe she bathes in teenage semen?

Heard Madonna’s New Single? It Has Leaked And It Sounds Like Daphne & Celeste!

November 9th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Remember Daphne and Celeste? They were cool weren’t they? They went to the Reading festival and out-punked the punks. They did the right thing and quit after their brief success.

Someone else who remembers Daphne and Celeste is Madonna.

How so? Well, her new single, which has been leaked online like an open pus-sore, sounds just like ’em! Or, if you prefer, it sounds like something Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas would put out and subsequently be ashamed of. Wanna hear it?

Hi There Leaked Madonna Nudes… Or Is It Iggy Pop? We Can’t Tell Anymore

October 31st, 2013 By Mof Gimmers

Tis the season for leaked nude photographs and, sadly, this time around, it’s a hard-bodied Madonna who we’re getting to gawp at, who, at the time of press, is roughly the same age as the horizon.

That’s right! She’s been having a photoshoot and some wag has leaked some snaps of her before anyone can airbrush.

And yes, she’s topless. So no, they’re totally NSFW. They’re not even SFE (‘safe for Earth’).