Matt Damon has gone and done that thing where he gets a woman pregnant and she shoots out his spawn a few months later.

Had a kid – that’s the one. We even told you about the pregnancy, as we’re nice.

This newest one brings his tally up to three of the little blighters, meaning Matt Damon is now the (presumably) proud father of three daughters, the newest one to the clan being named, in a trademark celebrity cruel-o-fashion, Gia Zavala. Oh well, at least it isn’t a new brand of carpet or anything.

Luciana Damon, Matt’s wife no less, is originally from Argentina though so there’s a possible explanation for the name there. Maybe they aren’t as cruel as we initially thought…

Nevertheless, there is a new sprog to add to the pile and surely some money to be made from the pictures that will inevitably get sold off to the highest bidder, as we all know. Unless, of course, Matt exercises some show of integrity and doesn’t force his newest daughter to become a mercenary from birth.

But we cannot judge every celebrity that decides to use their gametes to make new people with the same judging stick we use on everybody’s favourite celebs Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. For maybe – just maybe – there may be a family in the spotlight that manages to retain some semblance of normality.

One that doesn’t feel the need to adopt everyone from everywhere, join whatever fashionable religion is passing by that looks cool or sell their own children out for some quick kudos points. Like we said – maybe. As in: ‘most likely not though’.

We can live in hope. The fact that the birth of the new Damon wasn’t announced with a huge amount of fanfare can give us all some extra faith that maybe, just possibly, this may mark a new beginning in the world of celebrity births. That the kids won’t immediately be whored out. That we can look at genuine news publications without being confronted by the images of some fleshy little bags that we can’t tell apart.

This is the world we want to live in, and this is the world that Matt Damon can help to create. Hopefully.

Speaking to E! Online, Matty uttered the following – possibly while looking disheveled and scared (but still sexy), and unfortunately not covering whether or not he would be changing the world as we know it:

“I’m so outnumbered down here, it’s crazy.”

Fortunately Matt’s Bourne training can come into play if the four girls ever get out of hand. A swift book to the throat is sure to calm any rowdy family down, that’s for sure. Not that we’d condone that kind of behaviour of course, we’re merely stating a known fact.

Reports that Bono is said to be eyeing up another godfathering role are said to be grossly exaggerated. Obviously that is the point when we’d start condoning the use of Bourne-like force to stop someone in their tracks.

Wow – imagine hitting that Irish prat with a book. It would be a dream come true.

Like many people, Matt Damon's boyishly handsome face routinely fools us into thinking that he's not old enough to produce sperm in his testes yet.

But he is. Because Matt Damon is 37 years old, which is plenty old enough to knock his wife up a bunch of times. And just to remind of that fact, Matt Damon has got his wife Luciana pregnant again. 

Matt Damon's reps haven't confirmed how far along Luciana is but that's beside the point – the point is that we're a maximum of nine months away from hearing the latest, most harrowing, legally-questionable and morally-dubious version of I'm Fucking Matt Damon the world has ever seen.

A recent survey that Matt Damon is now officially the most successful former star of a gross-out comedy movie about cojoined twins ever. It's impossible to overstate how successful Matt Damon is – he's the most bankable star in the world, the sexiest man in the world, his humorous music videos provoke oddly homophobic retorts, his movies win Oscars even though they're all so shaky that you can't tell what's going on, and – worst of all – he seems like quite a nice chap as well.

Plus his balls work too. So that's something.

It's been revealed that Matt Damon has got his wife Luciana pregnant for the second time, which is either tremendously exciting or a bit of chore to hear about, depending on your gender and fondness for those smug Ocean's films. E! Online reports:

The Bourne Ultimatum star, 37, and his wife, Luciana, 32, are expecting their second child together, his rep, Jennifer Allen, confirmed to E! News. The announcement comes after the Damons walked the red carpet together at London's Empire Film Awards Sunday, where Luciana showed off a baby bump.

It'll be the second baby for Matt Damon and Luciana following the birth of Isabella in 2006. There's also a nine-year-old on the scene from one of Luciana's previous relationships as well.

But just how is Matt Damon's million-dollar lifestyle going to stretch to feeding three children, that's what we want to know. If Matt wants to provide properly for these children, he'll have to hunker down and work harder than ever. And you know what that means? More dreary movies that vaguely allude to the war in Iraq, that's what. Perhaps we can vasectomise him soon when he's not looking or something.

Read more: 

Matt Damon to Be a Dad Again - E! Online