Lourdes - HecklerSpray

Taylor Momsen Is Serious About Music, But Alas, Not So Much About Putting Clothes On

April 14th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Taylor Momsen, is like, totally serious about her music and wants us all to know that, despite distracting us from said music by constantly getting her lady baps out, this really isn’t a “vanity” project.

Of course, you’ll definitely know Momsen from her role as Jenny Humphrey in Gossip Girl. However, she’s been effectively thrown off the show for being unbearable and so brattish that she makes Veruca Salt look as quiet as a sleeping nun.

These days, she’s all about her rock band The Pretty Reckless who have released an album and everything! You won’t know that it was called Light Me Up because you were too busy looking at Taylor’s momsens. You’re not even reading this are you? You’re looking at her busters right now. Sicko.

Taylor Momsen Too Busy Applying Eyeshadow To Remain Madonna’s Material Girl

January 26th, 2011 By Amy Grindhouse

Taylor Momsen is no longer the face and eyeshadow of Madonna and her daughter Lourdes Leon’s Material Girl fashion line.

For some reason, fashion lines associated with Madonna don’t sell themselves. While we work out why not, and why her 14-year-old daughter wasn’t the first spokesmodel for her own teenage fashion line, we’ll just let you know Taylor’s got one less way in which to ruin your sofa cushions.

Taylor, of Gossip Girl fame, spent the end of last year representing Material Girl. Which, to be blunt, seemed to mean little more than she would make less than half-a-dozen appearances and pose for the promotional poster. That’s better than the paper round we shared at hecklerspray bedsit, which paid for our milk and cookies, when we were 17-years-old.

Madonna May Be Considering Marrying 22-Year-Old Jesus

September 29th, 2009 By Amy Grindhouse

Madonna is said to be considering getting married to her 22-year-old partner, Jesus Luz. Yes, you heard us.

In a series of rather comical coincidences – that you could not make up unless you were hell-bent on being labelled a heathen – the queen of the baby-snatchers is rumoured to wish to marry her child boyfriend.

Not that we’re judging, mind you. This is ruddy Madonna we’re talking about. Let’s face it, short of long-division, there’s nothing that she cannot do. Except wear trousers. And not grind her hip bones into a fine powder, as she dry humps her dancers in every video.

Harry Potter Gunning For Madonna’s Daughter

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Remember how much your mother used to embarrass you in your youth, even though she was essentially just a normal, good-natured woman trying to do the best by you? Just imagine if your mother was Madonna.

Because your Mum probably hasn't writhed around in a skintight leotard or kissed Britney Spears with tongues or marketed a book all about how her minge and tits look. Well, your Mum has, obviously – but most people's Mums haven't. However, all that stuff is Madonna's stock in trade, so we're fairly surprised that her daughter Lourdes Maria Ciccone Leon hasn't actually become so embarrassed that she's burst into flames yet. But since Lourdes hasn't self-combusted out of shame, it's thought that she must have some sort of magical power – exactly the sort of magical power that's reportedly caused the producers of the next Harry Potter movie to offer her a role in it.