Denise Welch officially splits from Tim Healy, not that anyone cares anymore. Remember at the end of Jurassic Park where all of the dinosaurs were left to their own devices and untouched by human hands again? And when King Kong was shot fell to his death from the Empire State building? And when Ethel Skinner was put down by Dot Cotton, ending her reign of sexual terror? Well, these are examples of when it’s acceptable to lock up/euthanise sexual threats because they pose a threat to greater society.
Unfortunately, we are facing a turning point in our history because one of these situations has arisen again: Denise Welch is single again.
The 2012 Celebrity Big Brother winner and Byker Grove star confirmed the worrying news yesterday on Loose Women, where she spoke candidly and without any prompting from her agent about the situation between her and Career Geordie, Tim Healy.
Classy children’s author and stain on the pants of society, Katie Price, has insisted that she would never have sex on the first date.
Stop laughing.
Yes,the horse lover (and horse killer), formally known as Jordan, turned up on Loose Women to talk about how she’s not the kind of girl who does that kind of thing, despite the fact she pumped the virginity right out of Gareth Gates in a London Hotel in 2002.
ITV2 is a very odd channel. They seem intent on keeping Kerry Katona’s career alive for reasons that quite frankly baffle anyone with half a brain cell, even budget supermarket Iceland had enough sense to get rid of her and they had an advert in which Jason Donovan did the can-can in fish nets.
But even by their usual insane standards ITV2 has thrown us a curve ball, by using an obscure 90s alternative band famed for excess and eccentricity to advertise their middle of the road teen drama Gossip Girl.
Daytime television is, by it’s own admission, awful. Never has it been implied that shows like Jeremy Kyle and Cash In The Attic exist to do anything other than while away the hours for bored housewives and jobless shut-ins. A spot of light relief between playing online bingo and masturbating into a commemorative tea towel.
One afternoon, whilst killing time between brunch with Kelly Brook and playing golf on Richard Branson’s nose, flicking through the channels, the term “football” caught the ear. Lo and behold it was a woman on a panel show.
She had the look of someone’s Aunt, one who had once been in a waxing accident and never mentally, or aesthetically, recovered. She proceeded to elaborate about how “unfair” and “blatantly sexist” it was that her favourite reality TV show once had been moved back SIXTY WHOLE MINUTES to accommodate a football match going into extra time.
Unless you like period dramas or watching inbred, six-fingered divs arguing on Jeremy Kyle, ITV doesn’t really have much more too offer, apart from the parody that is X-Factor. For those who aren’t unemployed or students, the daytime schedule contains nothing of any interest apart from muting out This Morning to look at Holly Willoughby.
For what seems an entirety, one program continues to be broadcast, despite it being a lacklustre copy of The View. Yes, with a comedy title that makes them all sound like whores, Loose Women covers no burning issues and instead focuses on guests that have items to promote.
Katie Price often features due to the amount of amount of autobiographies she releases. During a guest appearance last week, she was said to have impressed producers so much that they want her to be a permanent guest. Read More >>>
Carol McGiffin is a terrifying human being. Why? She willingly had sex with Chris Evans for one. Secondly, she willingly works on Loose Women without wanting to open them all up with a chainsaw. Thirdly, it seems she’s obsessed with telling people about the habits of her vagina. Fourthly, her face looks a bit like an out-y belly button.
Now, she’s introducing the pot to the kettle after branding Katie Price a “monster”.
Someone on Twitter compared Carol to the mostly drunk, boob flashing, haggard old soak… and for the life of us, we can’t imagine why anyone would make the connection. Read More >>>
For the unemployed of the land or students suffering a hangover from the night before, you will have seen Loose Women.
No, it’s not a programme on prostitutes or any other sort of muckiness, it's in fact an hour of programming aimed at the ladies of the land. No knitting or cooking tips are passed on, instead it's four middle-aged hags bleating on about how crap men are and disturbing incites in to their own personal lives.
It’s a pretty boring show, but live TV is always made better when someone swears. Especially when it comes from a loudmouth American. And what better person to fit this description than Joan Rivers. Despite being told the show was live, she still gave her opinion on Gladiator Russell Crowe.
You can thank us for one minute and eight seconds you’ve just wasted from watching this clip.
Denise Welch officially splits from Tim Healy, not that anyone cares anymore. Remember at the end of Jurassic Park where all of the dinosaurs were left to their own devices and untouched by human hands again? And when King Kong was shot fell to his death from the Empire State building? And when Ethel Skinner was put down by Dot Cotton, ending her reign of sexual terror? Well, these are examples of when it’s acceptable to lock up/euthanise sexual threats because they pose a threat to greater society.
ITV2 is a very odd channel. They seem intent on keeping Kerry Katona’s career alive for reasons that quite frankly baffle anyone with half a brain cell, even budget supermarket Iceland had enough sense to get rid of her and they had an advert in which Jason Donovan did the can-can in fish nets.
