Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
Well, that was a surprise. People woke up today expecting there to be little news (it is, after all, a dull Tuesday in January), and BAM! there it was. David Bowie, 65 years old today, is making music again.
You might think that being 65 discounts Bowie from being able to return back to the world of music and climb up the charts. He might require a Stenna stairlift for them rather than being able to climb that ladder of his own volition, but then again we’re in a post-reunion world.
Hey everybody! Halloween is here soon! That means one thing – you need to plan your Halloween outfit, like, now. Otherwise you’ll be left looking stupid at the Halloween parties while everyone else is dressed to the nines in, well, very little.
Halloween is a great time of year – and this is from someone who is a Halloween grinch. Why? Because you can walk through the streets of any city in the world and see a bunch of people wearing alternatively stupid and sexy outfits, and it’s totally alright to point and laugh or ogle. In fact, it’s encouraged. Halloween is a time for people to let their inner extrovert out in the form of stupid clothing.
You’re on the Edge of Glory. You are Lady Gaga, the world’s most fascinating person. (We’ll ignore the millions of people who are getting sick of her childish oneupmanship and really just want her to go away and live in a hovel for a bit.) You’re in Barcelona, and you’re performing to an adoring audience of thousands.
You may be up the duff, too. Why else would Lady Gaga start walking down stairs on stage, stop, and upchuck her dinner? That’s right: you heard it here. I’m calling it: Gaga is preggo.
Katheryn Elizabeth Hudson aka Katy Perry used to be such a lovely girl. She was well-mannered, good-thinking and Christian. She respected her elders, was chaste and pure, and did well to others. Then the pop industry got to her, and she became a massive outlandish tease with massive outlandish…well, let’s not talk about that.
Now I’m no prude, but this is too much. Put the boobs away. There’s so much to this woman that isn’t simply her breasts. But if you looked at her public appearances you’d think that there wasn’t.
They always said 2012 would be the year of the Apocalypse. I just presumed that it would be signified by horses running rampant through streets and towering infernos burning everything to the ground. I didn’t think that it would end like this. But it has. People, I don’t mean to alarm, but currently the two biggest producers of porn in the world aren’t filming anything.
Who knew that this face was capable of loving any one man, never mind two? Kristen Stewart is a massive whore, it seems, enraging Twihards everywhere (including Youtube user Nuttymadam, who is, well, a nutty madam). Not content with sleeping with quiffed strong, silent dreamboat Robert Pattinson, Stewart decided she needed to also get friendly with director Rupert Sanders.
Of course, no good comes from cheating. But there’s a small glimmer of hope to be found in the sordid situation. It turns out that Kristen Stewart isn’t in fact a soulless, smile-free dummy whose job it is to brood and look depressed on celluloid and red carpets. She’s someone capable of romantic feelings – she has so many feelings that she couldn’t just share them with one person! (Which is in itself a little scuzzy, but frankly we didn’t know she had it in her so it’s impressive nonetheless.)
Diversify or Die?
Folded
ITV2 is a very odd channel. They seem intent on keeping Kerry Katona?s career alive for reasons that quite frankly baffle anyone with half a brain cell, even budget supermarket Iceland had enough sense to get rid of her and they had an advert in which Jason Donovan did the can-can in fish nets.
But even by their usual insane standards ITV2 has thrown us a curve ball, by using an obscure 90s alternative band famed for excess and eccentricity to advertise their middle of the road teen drama Gossip Girl.
