Ali Lohan’s Breasts Subject of Unsettling Media Attention, Lindsay Not Impressed
Another day, another pile of near-paedophillic crap comes spewing our way - it's Ali Lohan's turn again today. There seems to be an endless stream of reports flowing out in recent months, all concerning subjects that are - not that we place ourselves as moral crusaders, but - inappropriate for the young girls they are talking about.
We've had the three thousand stories about 15-year-old
Miley Cyrus and her penchant for getting nude and making everyone feel a bit ill, and now it's time for
Lindsay Lohan's sister, Ali, to take the brunt of the press' speculation about whether or not she's had surgical enhancements.
Oh, did we mention she's a 14-year-old girl who is barely in the public eye? The same 14-year-old girl who caused a frenzy by auditioning for [a man who used to direct] porn, in a film that was [not] porn?
Yes, she's
that one.
Ali Lohan Destroys the Internet by Accident, Using the Power of Porn
Why we're surprised by this, we simply do not know. It isn't like things on the internet, or in the news media in general are reported in a straightforward, to the point and down the line fashion now, is it? So it shouldn't be surprising to see that a story circulating about
Ali Lohan - Lindsay's sister - has brought the internets to near meltdown.
And why? Because there's porn involved.
New Lohan Sister Just As Fame-Spazzed As All Other Lohans
OK everyone, you can put the nature vs nurture debate to bed now - the newly-discovered illegitimate half-sister of Lindsay Lohan proves that it's definitely nature.
Why? Because even though 13-year-old Ashley Kaufmann - the girl apparently sired by Michael Lohan during a month-long affair - was raised in a completely separate environment to Lindsay Lohan and Ali Lohan, she's still labouring under the mistaken belief that she's going to be a huge pop star.
According to reports, Ashley Kaufmann is busy trying to crack the music industry and has already made a number of approaches to record companies. Poor Ashley Kaufmann - we wonder if she's realised that she's genetically predestined to end up face down in a pile of drugs midway through an emotionally hollow Dionysian pansexual orgy yet.
Lindsay Lohan Wants A Kylie And Rihanna Musical Orgy!
Lindsay Lohan wants to merge the musical styles of Kylie and Rihanna for her upcoming album.
Lindsay Lohan is determined to pursue her music career, according to The Daily Telegraph (of Australia), with Kylie's and Rihanna's back catalogue the inspiration behind her new record. Lohan said:
"I want it to be dance. I want it to be kind of Kylie Minogue meets Rihanna. I hope to tour with it and I hope to really promote it. I've already done three songs. I'm doing my third in New York, actually."