Liverpool - HecklerSpray

Ringo Starr Claims That Paul McCartney Remembers Who He Is

January 12th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Ringo Starr, quite possibly still going around warning everyone with ‘peace and love’, is opening and closing his mouth again, letting words tumble out and reminding everyone that he once provided the voice for Thomas The Tank Engine and friends.

He’s also nattering about his famous chum, Sir Paul McCartney.

Apparently, the 10th best drummer in The Beatles (after John Lennon, Sir Macca, George Harrison, George Martin, Billy Preston, Pete Best, Stuart Sutcliffe, Yoko Ono, Astrid Kirchherr and that arhythmic dripping tap in studio 2 of Abbey Road) is still in close contact with the only useful living member of the Fab Four.

Paul McCartney Wins MTV Award For Being Really Old

November 7th, 2008 By Stuart Heritage

MTV EMAs – if ever there was a show like the MTV VMAs but worse because it’s held somewhere cold and drizzly, it’s you.

The MTV Europe Music Awards took place last night in Liverpool, and it was the perfect opportunity for the city to show off that famous sense of humour it’s always blathering on about. How did it do this? By naming Rick Astley as the Best Act Ever? No – it did it by giving 30 Seconds To Mars multiple awards even though they’re the worst band in the history of recorded music. Oh, you crazy Liverpudlians with your funny pranks.

Also Paul McCartney got given something called an Ultimate Legend award at the MTV EMAs, which isn’t surprising because he’s hands-down the thing that Liverpool is most famous for. Well, the most tangible one, anyway – it’s not like you can give an award to a chippy sense of wounded resentment, is it?

Paul McCartney Wants You To Stop Eating At McDonald’s, Please

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

$Paul McCartney, McDonald\'s, Boycott, vegetarian, picure, beatles, liverpool$ Having seen off the threat of Islamic terrorism with his recent Israel concert, Paul McCartney is now going after the real menace – the Fillet-O-Fish.

Paul McCartney has chosen to summon up all the energy in his wrinkly little body to call on his fans to boycott McDonald’s. Not because of the deforestation caused by the fast food industry’s mass farming practises, though, or McDonald’s aggressive child-centric marketing, or even the potential health risks inherent in a predominantly fast food diet.

No, Paul McCartney wants everyone to boycott McDonald’s because someone put a photo of Paul McCartney up in a Liverpool branch without asking him first. Come back next week, when Paul McCartney tries to ban abortion because he heard that someone who aborted her pregnancy once hummed three notes from Love Me Do for one and a half seconds in a shower on her own in 1975.

Ringo Starr’s Head Gets Chopped Off

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Note to self: Never, ever say anything bad about people from Liverpool.

Because if you do end up saying something bad about people from Liverpool, people from Liverpool will literally cut your head off. It’s true – they’ve just cut Ringo Starr‘s head off.

Alright, at this point we should probably point out that it was only the topiary head of a topiary Ringo Starr that was chopped off, thanks to some vaguely anti-Liverpool comments Ringo made in January. But it’s still a shock, because the topiary Ringo Starr was about five or six times better at singing and drumming than the flesh and blood one.