The Eurovision Song Contest is almost upon us, and…

No, actually, wait. The Eurovision Song Contest isn’t almost upon us at all. It’s weeks away. Honestly, there’s ages before the Eurovision Song Contest. It’s much too early to bother with any of it. Really, it is. Why don’t you take the time you were planning to read this and do something more constructive? Say hi to your neighbour. Write that book you always promised yourself. It’s better this way.

No? Fine then, here’s the Eurovision 2009 rundown for Sasha Son from Lithuania…

Lithuania · Sasha Son, Love

OK, this is just ridiculous. Sasha Son is apparently a big star in Lithuania, although we’d expect that this is more for the stupid angle of his gay little hats than any actual musical ability. If his song Love sounds familiar, it’s because it bascially is – it’s Falling by Alicia Keys but with all the orgasmy noises replaced with mind-numbing generic message placards like ‘Stop The Violence’, ‘A Helping Hand’ and, possibly ‘Can You Pick Up Some More Milk On The Way Home?’. What’s Love about? Well it appears to have some sort of overarching social theme, but it repeats the word ‘love’ 17 times in every chorus so bugger it, let’s say it’s about love. We’ve already spent too long on this dog’s dinner.

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It’s a brand new week, so here are some brand new Eurovision betting odds. Just like every other week. Joy.

By now we’re over halfway through the Eurovision betting odds, so you should be getting some idea of what the Eurovision Song Contest will be like this year. Not pretty, is it? Not pretty at all. Ugly, you might even say. Ugly and awful. Soul-crushing, even. We don’t actually have a point here, other than that Eurovision’s quite soul-crushing.

Here are the Eurovision betting odds for Lithuania, with help from Paddy Power…

Lithuania (pop. 3,607,899; a republic in northeastern europe) Jeronimas Milius, Nomads In The Night

Lithania’s 2006 Eurovison entry We Are The Winners was dead-on perfect. But instead of trying to match it, it seems as though Lithuania is now just content to throw out any old half-arsed nonsense instead now. And, trust us, things don’t come more half-arsed than Nomads In The Night by Jeronimas Milius. Jerominas might look like the boy at school who’s most likely to go mental with shotgun, but Nomads In The Night is so girlishly piss-weak that it could quite easily come from an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical based on a generic Mills & Boon novel. Lyrically, the most interesting it gets is with the line “Tonight I’ll try to rip out this aching heart, it’s filled with you/ It’s filled with lonely pain! Obey!” and by ‘interesting’ we clearly means ‘a bit icky’ – but the real selling point is Jeronimas Milius’ overblown delivery. It just defies logic. And not in a good way, either. Definitely not in a good way. Current Eurovision betting odds – 100/1

Tomorrow – Malta! But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Eurovision betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.