Lisa Snowdon - HecklerSpray

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Gigantic Cock-Up Edition

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

It look a long time, but now it looks like someone’s finally found a way for Strictly Come Dancing to get even more pointless.

And that’s to make such a bodge of the scoring system that nobody gets eliminated. Wonderful. Thanks to a ridiculous cock-up, nobody got voted off Strictly Come Dancing on Saturday night, which means we wasted an evening that could have spend doing something more worthwhile like, say, eating a pair of shoes or committing arson.

But, despite this monumental balls-up, the Strictly Come Dancing final still takes place on Saturday, so who’ll win? Here’s the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Lisa Snowdon…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Lisa Snowdon

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Strictly Come Dancing recap time, which makes a change – usually at this time of the morning we’re… oh. Not a change at all, actually.

There are just three dancers left on Strictly Come Dancing, and it’s impossible to guess who’ll win at the moment. Unless you guess that Rachel Stevens is going to win, and then you’ve probably guessed correctly. But anyway, shh.

Here’s the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Lisa Snowdon…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Lisa Snowdon

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Strictly Come Dancing recaps! Come on, not many left. That has to be a good thing, right?

Actually, we’ve noticed a horrifying trend in this year’s Strictly Come Dancing. John Sergeant left Strictly Come Dancing and he released a Christmas single. Christine Bleakley left Strictly Come Dancing and she released a Christmas single. So here’s the plan – let’s make Rachel Stevens win Strictly Come Dancing, because the last thing we need is any more hapless wailing coming out of her gob. OK?

Good. Then here’s the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Lisa Snowdon…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Jodie Kidd Skids Out

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

You people have lost heart – after ironically keeping John Sergeant on Strictly Come Dancing forever, you couldn’t even do the same for Jodie Kidd.

Last night Jodie Kidd became the latest contestant to be eliminated from Strictly Come Dancing. Her jive to Great Balls Of Fire was filled with strangulation, piggybacks and enough lyric-mouthing to fill a million soul-destroying YouTube video, but that couldn’t stop it looking like either the climax to Godzilla Vs King Kong or a wildly malfunctioning piece of construction machinery. Still, Strictly Come Dancing‘s loss is the world of drug dealing’s gain. Allegedly.

But now Jodie Kidd is out of Strictly Come Dancing, who’ll win? Here’s the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Lisa Snowdon…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Cherie Lunghi Stumbles Off

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Oh great, now we’re in for another week of bitching about John Sergeant – Cherie Lunghi’s out of Strictly Come Dancing.

Cherie was voted out of Strictly Come Dancing because her Cha Cha Cha to Play That Funky Music was a little bit hit and miss – for the first time in ages Cherie got her legs, and therefore her knickers, out in the dance, but it was let down by the way she just lurched from one pedestrian pose to another without anything in between. And in yesterday’s dance-off, the Strictly Come Dancing judges told her that they wanted to “see little bit more Wild Cherry coming out”. We’re pleased she didn’t oblige, because we’re pretty sure they meant her clitoris.

But now that Cherie Lunghi is no longer a part of Strictly Come Dancing, who’s going to win? Here’s part one of our Strictly Come Dancing recap for the week, for Jodie Kidd and Lisa Snowdon…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: John Sergeant & Lisa Snowdon

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

It’s the final day of our Strictly Come Dancing recaps for the week.

And that means, in all honesty, it’s probably the final time we’ll get to write about John Sergeant as a properly-functioning contestant on Strictly Come Dancing. As the judges proved last week, they’re willing to get as nasty as possible if it gets him out, and it looks like they might be swaying public opinion, too. You don’t want them to win, do you? At least one of them has a face like a wet verruca. Vote John.

And, funnily enough, here are the Strictly Come Dancing recaps for John Sergeant and Lisa Snowdon…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Christine Bleakley & Rachel Stevens

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Can’t remember what happened in the third quarter of last Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing? Good job we’re here, then.

This whole Strictly Come Dancing kerfuffle about John Sergeant hasn’t died down any yet, has it? Now John has claimed that the Strictly Come Dancing judges should all resign if they don’t like the way the public keeps voting him through. Honestly, this better end up with actual punches being thrown on Saturday’s show or we’ll refuse to pay our license fee any more.

Anyway, here are the Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Christine Bleakley and Rachel Stevens…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Jodie Kidd & Lisa Snowdon

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

We’re now halfway through Strictly Come Dancing 2008, which seems slightly absurd.

Have we really been watching Strictly Come Dancing for seven weeks? It’s seemed like so much longer than that. But at least now we’re on the home stretch – the part where the judges start pleading with the public to ditch John Sergeant and Austin Healey wins and ends up fulfilling his life dream as a result – appearing on A Question Of Sport slightly more often than usual.

But until then, here are the Strictly Come Dancing recaps of Saturday’s show, for Jodie Kidd and Lisa Snowdon…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Mark Foster Clomps Out

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Let’s not pretend that this is anything other than completely inevitable – Mark Foster has been eliminated from Strictly Come Dancing.

Not for lack of trying – he even toned down his outfit to just a semi-transparent blouse that gave him a cleavage like an old prostitute down the bingo. Given Mark’s tendency to grimace and flail like a rapist at any opportunity, his Paso Doble to Since U Been Gone should have been amazing. But it wasn’t, and he pulled in his worst score of the entire series for it. And this is Mark Foster we’re taking about – we figured the only way he could actually get any worse was to fart in Tess Daly‘s mouth during a Coup de Pique.

But anyway, with Mark Foster out, who’ll win Strictly Come Dancing? Here’s the first part of our Strictly Come Dancing recap, for Lisa Snowdon and Andrew Castle…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Don Warrington Waddles Off

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Last night Don Warrington became what we’re assuming to be the millionth contestant to leave Strictly Come Dancing this year.

We know why, of course. Don’s secret weapon in Strictly Come Dancing was his face – he only danced well when he was pulling an expression like a naked midget with excessive bodyhair was trying to jab a poo-covered stick up one of his nostrils. But since he was dancing an American Smooth to Can’t Smile Without You on Saturday, Don had to trade in his repulsed glower for something a bit more civilised. And that’s where it all fell apart.

So with Don Warrington out of Strictly Come Dancing, who’s going to win? Here’s part one of our Strictly Come Dancing recap for the week, for Rachel Stevens, Lisa Snowdon and Heather Small…