Lisa Marie Presley Politely Introduces Her New Children To Elvis’ Super-Dead Ghost If you were Elvis, and you were dead but all these fantastic songs kept popping into your head and you just had to let the public hear them, you'd probably possess the body of your chunky daughter to get the job done. And while you inhabited that body you'd probably use its hands to wipe away all the sweat you didn't know your little girl had to deal with every time she ate. Like father like daughter. When you weren't wiping away the sweat, though, you'd use her hands to record the most incredible music the world has ever known. hecklerspray's theory is that this is where we got Lisa Marie's two solo records from. That's why they're written so impeccably from the perspective of someone who died from a severe over-consumption of hotdogs and chocolate cake. Think about it. But speaking of Elvis' ghost - Lisa Marie still speaks to Elvis' ghost. Isn't that interesting? We have their recent summed up conversation for you on the next page.

Lisa Marie Presley Has Two Babies At Once, The Greedy Mare Remember ages ago when everyone was all like "Hey, Lisa Marie Presley is really fat" and Lisa Marie Presley was all like "Hey, I'm only stuffing food into my mouth quicker than I can swallow it because I'm pregnant"? Yeah, we do too. It seems like it happened ages ago, didn't it? But it only took place a few months ago, because Lisa Marie Presley has only just given birth to the adorable little babies who were prenatally forcing her to gorge on whatever food happened to be closest to her. According to reports, Lisa Marie Presley gave birth to a pair of twin girls last Tuesday. However, since no names have been revealed yet - or any details other than the ones we've just given you, in fact - we're not convinced. Until we see photographic evidence of these twins, we're just going to assume that Lisa Marie Presley just did a couple of really, really big poos. It's hereditary, we hear.

Lisa Marie Presley Sues For Not Being A Massive Lardarse

Because she's pregnant, Lisa Marie Presley has very naturally bloated out to the size of, say, Luxembourg - but that doesn't mean she's very happy about it.

You see, Lisa Marie Presley was only forced into confirming the pregnancy because The Daily Mail ran some pictures of her looking so fat that you'd think she needed to be transported everywhere on a reinforced forklift truck.

But Lisa Marie Presley isn't fat, she's pregnant. And so wounded by the thought that a British newspaper would have the nerve to call her fat that she's suing The Daily Mail. Nobody knows what Lisa Marie Presley will spend her damages on if she's successful, but the smart money's on cake. Cake and biscuits. And pies. Oh, and sausages. Lots of delicious sausages.

Lisa Marie Presley Violently Pregnant

You may have seen pictures of Lisa Marie Presley recently and wondered how she got so enormous, but now we have the answer - Lisa Marie Presley ate a baby.

Wait, no, not that's not entirely true. In fact what's happened is that Lisa Marie Presley - daughter of Elvis Presley - is merely pregnant, as her spokesman has confirmed.

This will be Lisa Marie Presley's third child but, given that she's looking more and more like Fat Elvis with each passing day, it's unknown whether Lisa Marie will want to give birth to her baby in the regular way or die trying to crap it out of her arse on the toilet. As a mark of respect to her father, you understand.