Lindsay Lohan, the dangerous and notorious serial chocolate-stealer, is behind bars. Finally.

Oh, what’s that? Lindsay is only in jail because she can’t work her iPhone well enough to set her dates and attend the required number of alcohol education classes. Oh. Isn’t there a ‘Stay Out of Jail, Dumbass‘ App for that? There isn’t? There should be, dammit. How else are celebrities supposed to skate around the law, with grace last seen in Tourville and Dean, and take classes at their leisure rather than do hard time.

Okay, ‘hard time’ isn’t all that hard – usually requiring isolation from non-famous inmates and often serving minutes of their week’s long sentences. But, no matter.