Articles tagged with: Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan’s Dad Wants YOU To Ruin His Daughter’s Happiness
Lindsay Lohan and her dad Michael have a complex relationship - you never know who the biggest twonk is.
Obviously your first instinct is Lindsay Lohan. She's not just a twonk these days - she's a professional twonk, with her every move painstakingly calibrated for maximum twonkiness. But look closer and you'll see that Michael Lohan comprehensively out-twonks his daughter.
Why? Because Michael Lohan has written a blog post urging the public to help him split Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson up, that's why. Oh, but he does consistently refer to Sam Ronson as SaMANtha, so at least wit's on his side, eh?
Mark Ronson Don’t Like Lindsay Lohan Schtupping His Sister
Sam Ronson isn't just the sourfaced, hat-wearing lesbian who's subjected to the sight of Lindsay Lohan's pubes more than anyone else, you know. No, Sam Ronson is also the sister of producer Mark Ronson. They both share quite a dominant 'terrible haircut' gene. And they're both DJs too, which leads us to believe that their family is so rich that neither of them to ever have to worry about getting a proper job. But, anyway, Mark Ronson is apparently trying to end Sam Ronson's relationship with Lindsay Lohan because he wants to be the famous one again he really cares for her and whatever.
Sam Ronson isn't just the sourfaced, hat-wearing lesbian who's subjected to the sight of Lindsay Lohan's pubes more than anyone else, you know. No, Sam Ronson is also the sister of producer Mark Ronson. They both share quite a dominant 'terrible haircut' gene. And they're both DJs too, which leads us to believe that their family is so rich that neither of them to ever have to worry about getting a proper job. But, anyway, Mark Ronson is apparently trying to end Sam Ronson's relationship with Lindsay Lohan because he wants to be the famous one again he really cares for her and whatever.
Lindsay Lohan Didn’t Split Up With Sam Ronson, In Case You Care
OK, we were wrong. Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson haven't split up - they're just so miserable that they look like they should split up. Outraged by all the Sam Ronson split talk, Lindsay Lohan has told the world via her MySpace blog that she and Sam absolutely haven't split up - which we think is code for 'let's give it a fortnight, eh?' Still, though, they're still together and that's good. Now if you feel something clawing wildly at your skin at night you'll know it's either a murderer or a feral raccoon, and not Lindsay Lohan trying to get her rocks off. Phew.
OK, we were wrong. Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson haven't split up - they're just so miserable that they look like they should split up. Outraged by all the Sam Ronson split talk, Lindsay Lohan has told the world via her MySpace blog that she and Sam absolutely haven't split up - which we think is code for 'let's give it a fortnight, eh?' Still, though, they're still together and that's good. Now if you feel something clawing wildly at your skin at night you'll know it's either a murderer or a feral raccoon, and not Lindsay Lohan trying to get her rocks off. Phew.
Lindsay Lohan & Sam Ronson Split! Probably! Unless They Don’t!
Probably our favourite thing about Lindsay Lohan is that even her soulmates find her utterly intolerable and borderline repellent. Just ask Sam Ronson. Reports are emerging suggesting that Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson have split up after a series of arguments and frenzied punch-attacks on New Year's Day. Whether Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson really have split up remains to be seen, but we hope so. That'd mean that Lindsay Lohan has now exhausted her supply of both men and women, and we'd be keen to see who she tries to have sex with next. Our guess? A bookish owl.
Probably our favourite thing about Lindsay Lohan is that even her soulmates find her utterly intolerable and borderline repellent. Just ask Sam Ronson. Reports are emerging suggesting that Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson have split up after a series of arguments and frenzied punch-attacks on New Year's Day. Whether Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson really have split up remains to be seen, but we hope so. That'd mean that Lindsay Lohan has now exhausted her supply of both men and women, and we'd be keen to see who she tries to have sex with next. Our guess? A bookish owl.
Relax Everyone, Samantha Ronson Isn’t So Exhausted Now
As a drab-faced woman whose only job is to go and play music at sweaty bellends for two hours at a time, Samantha Ronson knows about graft. We know this because we once attended Samantha Ronson's productivity seminar Shut Up Coal Miners: I Work Much Harder Than Any Of You Idiots. True, we only went because we heard Lindsay Lohan was going to be there, but that's beside the point. Anyway, Samantha Ronson works so hard that she recently went to hospital for exhaustion. Apparently she went straight to the Overdramatic Tosspot clinic, where she was diagnosed by a Dr Getarealjob. True story.
As a drab-faced woman whose only job is to go and play music at sweaty bellends for two hours at a time, Samantha Ronson knows about graft. We know this because we once attended Samantha Ronson's productivity seminar Shut Up Coal Miners: I Work Much Harder Than Any Of You Idiots. True, we only went because we heard Lindsay Lohan was going to be there, but that's beside the point. Anyway, Samantha Ronson works so hard that she recently went to hospital for exhaustion. Apparently she went straight to the Overdramatic Tosspot clinic, where she was diagnosed by a Dr Getarealjob. True story.
Man Arrested For Still Liking Lindsay Lohan
Lunging at Lindsay Lohan is a galactically moronic thing to do - it's like drinking sewage or belly-flopping into dirty syringe skip. So, when anybody does lunge at Lindsay Lohan, it's best to arrest them on suspicion of being weird. And that's what happened to Daniel Combs after he allegedly flung himself at Lindsay Lohan outside an Arizona nightclub yesterday. A man excited to be around Lindsay Lohan? That doesn't sound right. Our theory is that Combs was just trying to give Lindsay some underwear, which explains his cries of "For the love of God, cover it up! My eyes! They burn! THEY BURN!"
Lunging at Lindsay Lohan is a galactically moronic thing to do - it's like drinking sewage or belly-flopping into dirty syringe skip. So, when anybody does lunge at Lindsay Lohan, it's best to arrest them on suspicion of being weird. And that's what happened to Daniel Combs after he allegedly flung himself at Lindsay Lohan outside an Arizona nightclub yesterday. A man excited to be around Lindsay Lohan? That doesn't sound right. Our theory is that Combs was just trying to give Lindsay some underwear, which explains his cries of "For the love of God, cover it up! My eyes! They burn! THEY BURN!"
Lindsay Lohan Boogies On Down With Big Brother Nobodies
If you’ve ever travelled to America, you’ll notice a substantial amount of differences between itself and the UK. For example, America has countless fast food joints on every corner whilst in the UK we have endless tea rooms where hungry folk can feast upon scones, chocolate eclairs and the finest English cup of imported Indian tea. There’s also the weather, healthcare issues and America’s persistence of being the only nation in the world to really care about basketball, baseball and ice hockey. There’s also the grand scale of parties the two nations throw. On the west coast of America, countless film premieres are thrown to celebrate the launch of box office hits. On the east coast, playerz like Jay-Z and P Diddy launch countless products including aftershave, clothing and toilet neutraliser. In the UK, the best we can muster is a rented room in the local church. Part time lesbian Lindsay Lohan got to experience this first hand when she arrived at Faces nightclub in Essex.
If you’ve ever travelled to America, you’ll notice a substantial amount of differences between itself and the UK. For example, America has countless fast food joints on every corner whilst in the UK we have endless tea rooms where hungry folk can feast upon scones, chocolate eclairs and the finest English cup of imported Indian tea. There’s also the weather, healthcare issues and America’s persistence of being the only nation in the world to really care about basketball, baseball and ice hockey. There’s also the grand scale of parties the two nations throw. On the west coast of America, countless film premieres are thrown to celebrate the launch of box office hits. On the east coast, playerz like Jay-Z and P Diddy launch countless products including aftershave, clothing and toilet neutraliser. In the UK, the best we can muster is a rented room in the local church. Part time lesbian Lindsay Lohan got to experience this first hand when she arrived at Faces nightclub in Essex.
Lindsay Lohan Gets Covered In White Powder. For Once
Fur coats are important to Lindsay Lohan - sometimes they're all that stop her prematurely withered cha-chas from the elements. However, some people - some French people to be precise - don't approve of Lindsay Lohan's continued endorsement of animal fur. As such they've felt the need to attack Lindsay Lohan, and attack her with a starchy baking ingredient. too. To put it bluntly, someone threw flour at Lindsay Lohan this weekend, and it made Lindsay Lohan sad. But it also made Lindsay Lohan's boyfriend Samantha Ronson furious. Furious enough to dash to her computer and thrash out an angry dollop of screed about it on her blog. So it must be serious - Sam Ronson only uses her blog for important matters, like politics and private matters and reality TV shows and that time she totally just spent like six hours playing Guitar Hero until her hands were sore. You know, the big stuff.
Fur coats are important to Lindsay Lohan - sometimes they're all that stop her prematurely withered cha-chas from the elements. However, some people - some French people to be precise - don't approve of Lindsay Lohan's continued endorsement of animal fur. As such they've felt the need to attack Lindsay Lohan, and attack her with a starchy baking ingredient. too. To put it bluntly, someone threw flour at Lindsay Lohan this weekend, and it made Lindsay Lohan sad. But it also made Lindsay Lohan's boyfriend Samantha Ronson furious. Furious enough to dash to her computer and thrash out an angry dollop of screed about it on her blog. So it must be serious - Sam Ronson only uses her blog for important matters, like politics and private matters and reality TV shows and that time she totally just spent like six hours playing Guitar Hero until her hands were sore. You know, the big stuff.
