The dignity that Lindsay Lohan has demonstrated in the face of her impending imprisonment is truly admirable.
Oh, hang on. Wait. We were thinking of someone else. Our fault. Sorry. What we actually meant to say was ‘Ha ha ha, Lindsay Lohan has been quoting the UN’s Universal Declaration Of Human Rights on her Twitter page just because she’s going to prison for a few weeks soon, ha ha ha what a colossal helmet’. Yes, that seems more appropriate.
Because that’s what she’s done. Hours after being sentenced to a maximum of 90 days in jail, Lindsay Lohan appears to have singled herself out as a victim of cruel and inhuman punishment. Tell you what Lindsay, you sit all the way through I Know Who Killed Me and then we’ll talk about cruel and inhuman punishment, OK?
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Lindsay Lohan is nothing if not conscientious. Right now, for example, everybody is worried that she’ll die young.
And Lindsay Lohan knows this, too. That’s why she’s taken the trouble to pose for the photograph that will almost definitely accompany all the ‘Lindsay Lohan: Death Of A Wildchild’ articles that’ll be written in the wake of her tragically premature drug and alcohol-related implosion. That’s right – someone’s taken a photo of Lindsay Lohan with a gun in her mouth, and she’s posted it on Twitter.
Nobody knows exactly why Lindsay Lohan posed for a photo with a gun in her mouth. Some are claiming that it’s a desperate cry for help, others are saying that she’s archly sending up her own public image. Us? We think that there’s a good chance she’s drunk and legitimately believes that the gun is a stranger’s penis. It’d certainly make sense.
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Lindsay Lohan is rather attached to her Twitter account. Attached in a way one should never become attached to a social network. Attached like a chocoholic to their very last Rolo, if you will.
The star can often be found on Twitter taking utter leave of her senses. That is to assume that she had any senses to begin with, but there are only so many hours in a day and we have to start somewhere.
She tells Twitter her intimate secrets. She shares her hopes and fears. She uses ellipses and exclamation marks in a manner that suggests she fears a shortage of both. She goes on 140-character rants in a manner that makes you glad she doesn’t have over 100,000 people reading her lunacy. Oh dear, hang on a minute.
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