When it was revealed that Lindsay Lohan would be stripping for a Las Vegas revue, everyone reacted in the same way.

Then they wiped the vomit from their chest and thought about it rationally. Had it really come to this? Was Lindsay Lohan – star of no good films, singer of no good songs, kisser of no attractive lesbians – really so desperate for cash that she’d agree to strip for a baying mob of strangers?

Well, no. Lindsay Lohan’s rep says she isn’t. It’s a desperate shame – we were looking forward to our retinas snapping off and resigning in disgust, too.