Articles tagged with: Lindsay Lohan
Twitter Was Made For Lindsay Lohan’s Incessant Ranting
Lindsay Lohan is rather attached to her Twitter account. Attached in a way one should never become attached to a social network. Attached like a chocoholic to their very last Rolo, if you will. The star can often be found on Twitter taking utter leave of her senses. That is to assume that she had any senses to begin with, but there are only so many hours in a day and we have to start somewhere. She tells Twitter her intimate secrets. She shares her hopes and fears. She uses ellipses and exclamation marks in a manner that suggests she fears a shortage of both. She goes on 140-character rants in a manner that makes you glad she doesn't have over 100,000 people reading her lunacy. Oh dear, hang on a minute.
Lindsay Lohan is rather attached to her Twitter account. Attached in a way one should never become attached to a social network. Attached like a chocoholic to their very last Rolo, if you will. The star can often be found on Twitter taking utter leave of her senses. That is to assume that she had any senses to begin with, but there are only so many hours in a day and we have to start somewhere. She tells Twitter her intimate secrets. She shares her hopes and fears. She uses ellipses and exclamation marks in a manner that suggests she fears a shortage of both. She goes on 140-character rants in a manner that makes you glad she doesn't have over 100,000 people reading her lunacy. Oh dear, hang on a minute.
Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is
Star Wars and Clone Wars. Folded: Uncharted 2: Among Thieves (zip-line! The train! The mountains! Holy crap!) Batman bike leathers (these are either too cool for school or too sad for words. Not sure yet) A ‘state of the art film centre for London’s South Bank’ (so we can’t really afford £45 million quid at the moment, but what else is new?) The ...
Star Wars and Clone Wars. Folded: Uncharted 2: Among Thieves (zip-line! The train! The mountains! Holy crap!) Batman bike leathers (these are either too cool for school or too sad for words. Not sure yet) A ‘state of the art film centre for London’s South Bank’ (so we can’t really afford £45 million quid at the moment, but what else is new?) The ...
Lindsay Lohan Would Quite Like Her Dad Restrained, Please
Here's some good news - New Lindsay Lohan has regressed. Long live Old Lindsay Lohan. Or New Old Lindsay Lohan. Or something. Anyway, Lindsay Lohan is brilliant again. Hooray! Just a few days after she was hauled to court, Lindsay Lohan has regressed again and apparently decided to take a restraining order out against her father in case he decides to kidnap her. It's just like the good old days! Although let's just pray that Lindsay Lohan doesn't keep regressing too much - if she regresses back to her childhood then she'll start making films that aren't terrible again, and where's the fun in that?
Here's some good news - New Lindsay Lohan has regressed. Long live Old Lindsay Lohan. Or New Old Lindsay Lohan. Or something. Anyway, Lindsay Lohan is brilliant again. Hooray! Just a few days after she was hauled to court, Lindsay Lohan has regressed again and apparently decided to take a restraining order out against her father in case he decides to kidnap her. It's just like the good old days! Although let's just pray that Lindsay Lohan doesn't keep regressing too much - if she regresses back to her childhood then she'll start making films that aren't terrible again, and where's the fun in that?
Kourtney Kardashian Burgled, Offensive Amount Of Jewellery Stolen
This weekend thieves broke into Kourtney Kardashian's home and stole jewellery worth around $80,000. But they didn't take her dignity. True, the only reason for that is because, as a star of an E! reality show and the sister of a woman who everyone has seen getting unenthusiastically diddled from behind on the internet, Kourtney Kardashian shed every last ounce of her dignity long, long ago. But that's not our point. Our point is that Kourtney Kardashian was burgled this weekend. So keep your eyes on eBay. As soon as you see a bunch of ugly necklaces that you wouldn't even wear as a joke, we'll have found our prime suspect.
This weekend thieves broke into Kourtney Kardashian's home and stole jewellery worth around $80,000. But they didn't take her dignity. True, the only reason for that is because, as a star of an E! reality show and the sister of a woman who everyone has seen getting unenthusiastically diddled from behind on the internet, Kourtney Kardashian shed every last ounce of her dignity long, long ago. But that's not our point. Our point is that Kourtney Kardashian was burgled this weekend. So keep your eyes on eBay. As soon as you see a bunch of ugly necklaces that you wouldn't even wear as a joke, we'll have found our prime suspect.
Lindsay Lohan Goes To Court, Possibly Just Because She’s Lindsay Lohan
These are testing times for Lindsay Lohan. Her acting career is kaput. Her fashion career was stillborn. She looks about 50. So Lindsay Lohan has little choice but to turn to the thing she's best at - breaking the law. Lindsay Lohan has been ordered to court today, reportedly because she's violated the terms of her alcohol education order. There's a chance she'll even wind up in jail, too. It's just Lindsay Lohan's rotten luck, isn't it? A few months ago she'd have jumped at the chance to spend a few months trapped in a room with a bunch of mannish criminals. Oh casual lesbianism, why must you be so faddish?
These are testing times for Lindsay Lohan. Her acting career is kaput. Her fashion career was stillborn. She looks about 50. So Lindsay Lohan has little choice but to turn to the thing she's best at - breaking the law. Lindsay Lohan has been ordered to court today, reportedly because she's violated the terms of her alcohol education order. There's a chance she'll even wind up in jail, too. It's just Lindsay Lohan's rotten luck, isn't it? A few months ago she'd have jumped at the chance to spend a few months trapped in a room with a bunch of mannish criminals. Oh casual lesbianism, why must you be so faddish?
Fashion: Lindsay Lohan Finds Something New To Be Terrible At
Lindsay Lohan is all about unfulfilled promise - that's why her movie career peaked with the Parent Trap remake. And then there's her music. And her lesbianism. Whenever Lindsay Lohan looks like she might have a flair for anything, it always ends in disappointment. And Lindsay Lohan has had enough of this, so she's decided to cut out the middle man and just be disappointing at something right from the get-go. So Lindsay Lohan has picked fashion, with her new collection being described as 'cheesy' and 'embarrassing'. Which, incidentally, is exactly how her genitals and breasts are often respectively described.
Lindsay Lohan is all about unfulfilled promise - that's why her movie career peaked with the Parent Trap remake. And then there's her music. And her lesbianism. Whenever Lindsay Lohan looks like she might have a flair for anything, it always ends in disappointment. And Lindsay Lohan has had enough of this, so she's decided to cut out the middle man and just be disappointing at something right from the get-go. So Lindsay Lohan has picked fashion, with her new collection being described as 'cheesy' and 'embarrassing'. Which, incidentally, is exactly how her genitals and breasts are often respectively described.
WEBTHUMP! 23 September 2009
10 - Was Mr King Fu's death more than just a big sexy accident? - Popeater 9 - Hands up who wants to see a trippy pool table? - Geekologie 8 - Even good things can make you sick, thinks Cheryl Cole - Mychemicaltoilet 7 - All the hippest trendy-bendies were at London Fancy Dress Week. See them here - Popsugar 6 - Here's some sexy actresses with tatts - Interestment
Parade Magazine Is Making Subtle Promiscuity Difficult
Parade has always felt as though it were one of the more benign of the women's magazines. It appears to avoid some of the sleazier bylines of the younger magazines like Cosmopolitan and Glamour. Gone are sub-headings about nifty ways to snare a mate without being slapped with a restraining order. Gone are articles about how to put out on the first date like a good little alpha-female whose moral compass has been carefully whittled over the years thanks to dozens of Sex and the City re-runs. Seems all of those years of playing sexual second-fiddle to the more overt magazines is taking its toll on Parade. The magazine is biting back and calling a slightly odd selection of celebrities promiscuous, in an attempt to get its sexy back.
Parade has always felt as though it were one of the more benign of the women's magazines. It appears to avoid some of the sleazier bylines of the younger magazines like Cosmopolitan and Glamour. Gone are sub-headings about nifty ways to snare a mate without being slapped with a restraining order. Gone are articles about how to put out on the first date like a good little alpha-female whose moral compass has been carefully whittled over the years thanks to dozens of Sex and the City re-runs. Seems all of those years of playing sexual second-fiddle to the more overt magazines is taking its toll on Parade. The magazine is biting back and calling a slightly odd selection of celebrities promiscuous, in an attempt to get its sexy back.
