Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
Sorry sorry sorry. I know this was supposed to be posted yesterday, but I’ve got two kids under 4, ok?! Last year I predicted that, thanks to some cool upcoming projects, 2018/2019 might be the great return of Lindsay Lohan. And, in a sense, it kind of was.
Lindsay was in the media more than ever these past few months, however, it hasn’t been for her acting abilities, but rather her lack of dance ability (oh, and her attempts to kidnap some Syrian kids…ffs, Lohan).
Listen, I had had high hopes for Lindsay Lohan in 2018. She had that show coming up with Ron from Harry Potter, she was maybe going to be in Life Size 2, I mean, things were really looking up. Then 2018 shows up and bitch is dancing like your drunk great aunt at a wedding and trying to abduct kids in Moscow. Smdh.
I don’t know exactly what’s going on with Lindsay (does anyone?), but I think she’s in Russia, and she decided it would be a very Angelina Jolie move to take an Instagram live video of herself trying to save some refugees while clearly heavily intoxicated. This is going exactly where you think it might…
I cannot apologize enough for being absent over the long Labor Day weekend, especially since while I was out of town the most magical thing to ever happen to the internet (or the world, for that matter) occurred: Lindsay Lohan danced at her club in Greece.
This might not seem like a big deal to those of you who haven’t seen the video, but those of you who have know why this deserves an entire blog.
The Lord really has given me some true blessings in 2018 and we aren’t even a full month in! First, Justin Timberlake releases a sweet ass jam, and now the true queen of glamour, Lindsay Lohan, is starting her own cosmetics line AND designing an island!
Finally, I can achieve that “Long Island Middle-Aged Chain-Smoking Alcoholic Soccer Mom Who Also Does Coke When Her Husbands Out of Town” look I’ve been going for! And I’ll also have somewhere to live worthy of my extreme elegance!
File this under: Just kidding, I’m not at all shocked. Pop singer, Halsey, and her boyfriend, G-Easy, were recently yachting with some friends in Miami like rich folks do. The two were photographed smoking, drinking, jet-skiing, oh, and clearly doing cocaine.
Halsey can be seen below BLATANTLY doing a bump of coke (presumably off of a key or something) and the media is acting shook, as if a 24-year-old singer who sings about doing drugs ACTUALLY doing drugs is even newsworthy.
After years of taking his party to the next level and getting arrested a million fucking times, Aaron Carter recently made a bold and brave announcement in regards to his sexuality that I’m sure only I really gave a shit about since not even Aaron’s own family listens to his shit anymore.
After a messy public break-up with his girlfriend, Aaron decided to take to Twitter this past Saturday night to open up about his sexuality. And if you’re wondering why it took me three days to care enough about this shit to blog, I’m getting to that…
Before y’all come at me with “When was Macaulay Culkin ever hot?” let me remind you of the early-2000s when he was dating Mila Kunis, starring in movies like “Saved” and “Party Monster” and was 100% bangable, ok? Ok. Anyway, for a few years now Macaulay Culkin has looked like a crack addicted drifter/Rickety Cricket from “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”, so the world (aka me) was SHOOK to see him stepping out this week looking pretty good.
Culkin was spotted out and about on what seemed like a date with actress Brenda Song who a) is a totally cutie, and b) was previously engaged to Miley Cyrus’ brother, Trace, so even if she was spotted with cracked out looking Macaulay this would still be a step up for her.
I have legitimately been praying for this day for almost 10 years, and, tbh, I had kind of given up hope that anything this miraculous would ever happen. But here I am, predicting that 2018 could potentially be the year that Lindsay Lohan FINALLY makes her acting comeback!
Last week, I blogged about how Lohan had a real acting job in something that actually looks watchable, as she was cast in the British comedy, Sick Note. Now, here I am this week, announcing that she might be part of the HIGHLY anticipated Life Size 2, a sequel to her and Tyra Banks’ cinematic (aka made-for-tv) masterpiece, Life Size!
Holy shit! Just a couple of days ago, I was saying how Hilary Duff clearly had won the ancient her vs. Lindsay Lohan feud simply because she had a real job, and now here’s Lindsay Lohan getting a real acting job in something people might actually watch!
Lindsay has been cast in the new British comedy series “Sick Note.” And get this: the premise sounds funny and it has a great cast!
Sick note stars Harry Potter alum Rupert Grint as a young man who gets misdiagnosed with a terminal illness, tells everyone he’s dying, finds out he’s been misdiagnosed, but decides to keep letting everyone think he’s dying. Classic British humour.
It’s as if I’ve woken up in a bizarre dream and have been transported back to 2003, because for the past few days the internet has been blowing up about Hilary Duff.
Hilary isn’t a part of any kind of scandal, because that’s never been her game, nor is she shacking up with some hot actor/musician. Instead, people are freaking out about Hilary Duff because they’ve all finally realized just how hot she is.
