For years now, butch gay men have been modelling themselves on Hulk Hogan. Handlebar moustache? Check. Tight t-shirt with the sleeves cut off? Check. Flings with musclebound studs called Brutus Beefcake? Check…

Wait, what?

Yes, according to Hogan’s estranged wife Linda, Terrance Gene ‘Hulk Hogan’ Bollea had an affair with the aforementioned Mr Beefcake, a.k.a. Ed Leslie. The claims emerged in her recent book: ‘Wrestling the Hulk’, which, incidentally is also the name of an obscure sexual practice featuring three men in ripped trousers and a vat of green paint.

The Hulkster denies the claims, stating ‘ME SO ANGRY’ and ‘HULK SMASH’.

Hang on, that’s not right. What he actually said was:

“If any of that was true, I would admit it, and (if) I was a homosexual I would embrace it.”

Unfortunately, for all that Terry was commendably quick to claim he isn’t actually gay as a window for beefy men, but that who cares if he is, right? Because it’s fine…he doesn’t take the sensible, gay-friendly step of just stopping right there, going on to say:

“It’s just so crazy to hear, so I have a real problem with it. I don’t mean to laugh about it, because it’s not funny. But it’s insane. It doesn’t make any sense to me.”

Although that directly contradicts his Twitter feed, which currently reads:

HULK SMASH REPUBLICAN TEA PARTY HOMOPHOBIA! And HAPPY COMING OUT DAY! HULK WEAR RAINBOW SHORTS IN CELEBRATION.

Actually, that last one might be by @FeministHulk. But still, on the whole- wethinks the Hulk doth protest too much.

Afterall, his sport is entirely dedicated to the homoeroticism of men, greased up, fake tanned and mauling each other in their underwear.

This was a guest post by ‘spray alumni Hilary W of the tremendous Tellysquawks.com. Okay?

Everyone has got it in for Hulk Hogan at the moment. Ultimate Warrior (real name, ‘Warrior’ – no seriously) did a video sneering at the Hulkster and now, Linda Hogan is taking shots at the moustachioed baby-oil loving grappler.

Linda Hogan has made some pretty shocking claims in her new book Wrestling the Hulk: My Life Against the Ropes, but gave out some more elbow-drops on an American chatshow that you don’t need to know the name of.

Basically, while we’ll concede that no relationship is ever perfect, Hulk Hogan seems to have had a relationship that is incredibly odd indeed. Not surprising from a man who has earned his living by running around in his underpants and pretending to fight other men in the most homoerotic spectacle since Shaq took a bath with eight sirloin steaks.

Linda described her ex-husband’s affair with a close friend of their daughter Brooke.

“She’s in my house, learning everything, talking to me and yet she’s bedding my husband”

“She’d spend the night with Brooke at the house and they’d do the girlfriend thing. I’d bring them popcorn and hot chocolate up to their bedroom, and little did I know she was with my husband, too.”

You’d have to worry about any young woman who thought it was a good idea to swap sex soup with an aged man in a bandana. We imagine that Hulk Hogan’s winky has a little blond moustachio too. Right on the end.

He wasn’t only cheating on Linda. She suggests that Hogan was overcome by roid rage, stomping about the place and making everyone’s life a misery. Still, that’s almost to be expected of a WWE wrestler, right? They’re all mental.

But poor Linda. How is she going to get over Hulk bedding one of their daughter’s chums? BY DOING EXACTLY THE SAME OF COURSE!

See, Linda is currently engaged to Charlie Hill, a former classmate of daughter Brooke, which is just fantastic. Brooke is absolutely destined to become the most warped human in history thanks to her brilliant, randy parents.

For the record, Hulk Hogan decided to call Linda’s claims ‘delusional’, adding that it was all a ‘blatant lie’. And what heavyweight, esteemed radio show did Hulk deliver this important message?

The Bubba the Love Sponge Show.

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10 - What’s the worst thing about this picture of Linda Hogan? Oh, that’s right, ALL OF IT – AmyGrindhouse

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2 - Every single cigarette ever smoked on Mad Men ever. Make yourselves comfortable – Comedy

1 – God, but face electrocution is hilarious, isn’t it?…

There are always two sides to every story – even gormless, neverending stories about Hulk Hogan and his wife.

It’s true. Like, for instance, when Hulk Hogan recently said that he sympathises with wife-murderers because of how his estranged wife Linda Hogan is behaving, it was inevitable that Linda Hogan would put her side across. So therefore she’s claimed that their marriage failed because of Hulk Hogan’s constant marital indiscretions.

So just to reiterate, there are always two sides to every story. In this case those two sides are 1) Hulk Hogan is a twat and 2) Linda Hogan is a twat. There.

Nobody should have been surprised when Hulk Hogan declared that he sympathised with OJ Simpson – on the off-chance that OJ Simpson killed his wife – because of how much he hates his estranged wife Linda. After all, this is a man who has made a living from violence all his life. Well, pretend violence, anyway. Pretend violence and mock-deafness. And TV movies called Shadow Warriors II: Hunt for the Death Merchant. But mainly violence.

And we were certain that Linda Hogan wouldn’t have taken Hulk Hogan’s comments seriously. There’s absolutely no chance that Hulk Hogan would kill Linda Hogan – partly because he knows how much it’d jeopardise everything he’s worked for and partly because, judging by Linda Hogan’s leathery old neck skin, it’d take three solid days of hacking away at her with the world’s sharpest machete to even come close to denting, let alone slitting, her throat.

But still, the threat of being chopped to pieces by a bald orange man with sausagey arms is the perfect ammunition for Linda Hogan to fire back a shrieking, hysterical retaliatory statement about what an utter bellend Hulk Hogan is. So guess what she’s done. Go on, guess. MSNBC reports:

“Hulk’s serial cheating destroyed our marriage, our family and our future. Sadly, his recent comments remind us that his definition of fair is much different than what the law dictates,” Linda Hogan said in a statement released to Access Hollywood. Linda’s rep told Access, “Linda and her family are taking these recent homicidal comments seriously. Linda’s attorney Ray Rafool is weighing all options necessary to protect his client.”

As tiresome as this obviously is – especially since the Hulk Hogan/Linda Hogan divorce now seems to be into its 15th straight year – you can see why Linda Hogan has done this. Painting Hulk Hogan as a potential murderer by his own admission is bound to get her all kinds of leverage in the settlement negotiations. It might be cheap and massively distasteful, but she saw the opportunity and she took it.

And if we were Hulk Hogan we’d be bracing ourselves for more like this. For instance, ahead of the 1992 Royal Rumble we distinctly remember seeing Hulk Hogan look straight into the camera and rhetorically ask “Whatcha gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on you?” At the time we took it as a direct personal threat to our safety, and we’ve been living in fear ever since. Expect a call from our lawyers any day now, Hogan.

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