It’s been a while since any female UK pop acts have been applauded so Lily Allen has been a bit quiet of late, busying herself as she is with her dreadful non-charitable charity-shop exorbitant clothes-rental business.
But fear not, Jessie J has done quite well at the increasingly perplexing MOBO awards so Lily has piped up once again in the most passive-aggressive manner possible in the hope of starting yet another publicity-garnering feud.
The great big doe-eyed Keith Allen looky-likey publicity hungry geezer-bird tweeted following the awards.
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Lily Cooper née Allen, daughter of woefully poor actor Keith Allen and a woman that never gets mentioned because she’s not quite famous enough (Alison Owen, in case you were wondering), has been undergoing a transformation from watered-down bad girl of pop to a dowdy shut-in with only twitter for company. Much like ourselves.
But now the star is undergoing a far more alarming change. She’s turning into a penguin!
Not ‘The Penguin’, star of Batman but a large, flightless bird which while being essentially useless in the food chain, does know how to throw an excellent parade.
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You could argue that, for the most part, Kanye West is an entertaining and spirited chap. That’s usually because he has an astonishing inability to self-censor. He opens up that expensive mouth of his and BLAM it all comes tumbling out like word-shaped puke.
Of course, his most famous bout of vomitous babbling was during Taylor Swift’s acceptance tremble, which saw Kanye being transformed from a vaguely famous rapper into a living, breathing meme.
It’s been a while since he flooded our collective minds with chat, but he’s at it again, deciding to talk about the sensitive topic of abortion. And Lily Allen isn’t happy.
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At time of writing, hecklerspray is unable to confirm or deny that popstrel Lily Allen successfully made herself something to eat last night, but indications are not hopeful according to her twitter feed.
The ‘voice of summer 2006’ has last night thrown the public into turmoil.
Not by “so closely resembling her Dad that you can’t decide whether or not you could smash her without thinking of ‘him’ and laughing about that Tourettes doc he did which would, like, probably put her off and that”, but with an astonishing dining problem.
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We rather like Lily Allen here at hecklerspray – she’s got the right mix of tunes and a gob on her. She’s what a popstar is supposed to be. So with that, we’re very, very sad to report that she’s lost her baby after a brief illness.
The singer fell ill with a viral infection last week and, being six months pregnant, she wanted to take every precaution to make sure everything was okay.
However, Allen was rushed to hospital with stomach cramps where doctors tried to save her unborn child, which sadly, were not successful. Read More >>>
It seems that the unwritten rule of solo female pop music has to be the accusation of having a fully functioning penis alongside the traditional front bottom genitals.
Lily Allen went through this torment when she was accused of being a “chick with a dick” by no other than the north’s grubby pop princess, Cheryl Cole. Of course, this was just a childish pikey argument that got way out of hand.
Strangely, Lady Gaga seemed to embrace people’s curiosity about her having a two for one deal on her genitals. It was all the talk of magazines, chat shows and the immediate horror of blokes who’d had a cheeky fantasy about the eccentric American singer. Eventually, the novelty wore off with Lady Gaga herself being saying. “My beautiful vagina is very offended. I’m not offended – my vagina is offended.” Hooray for Lily Allen for fuelling the speculation again when she appeared at The Big Chill festival. Sorry, the Wanky Balls festival.
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Alexander the Great was forced to ever expand his empire because he kept running out of nations to fight and conquer.
Similarly, Lily Allen has had pointless, bitchy fights with the entire alphabet of celebrities and now she is forced to create a whole new generation of famous people to hurl abuse at from the safety of her MySpace page (and yes, before you start I do realise the irony inherent in that statement).
She’s knocked up, is what I’m trying to say. Congratulations, and so forth. Read More >>>
Well this is hardly fair. We’re not pregnant either, but that fact hasn’t made the bloody news, has it?
But when Lily Allen isn’t pregnant? Oh, it’s a different story then. Just because Lily Allen has told everyone that she urgently wants a baby and then went outside looking a bit fat, the news that she isn’t pregnant suddenly means something. We can’t wait for tomorrow’s papers. Maybe there’ll be a story about how Lily Allen doesn’t have a moustache, or can’t speak Lithuanian, or isn’t able to run as fast as a car.
But Lily Allen isn’t pregnant. That’s OK. All it means is that we have to wait a little bit longer before she and her child pose with Keith Allen for a photo entitled Three Generations Of Mild Obnoxiousness. And even longer before the child gets a record deal purely because she’s Lily Allen’s kid. That’s fine by us.
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