Madonna may not be savvy when it comes to making albums, movies or a 100% kernel sweeping bite down any given piece of corn on the cob, but when it comes to political opinion she is a shining beacon shooting her vibrant rays through the midst of a turbulent sea.

Yes, America needs her, which is ironic since she hasn’t been American since she made that one video and got chased out of the country by a mob of very angry evangelicals. Now she’s British or something, and lives in a land where she is free to practise her religious views of making love to sacred statues.

She’s like a pilgrim that way.

You see, stateside the people are on the brink of a vital decision. Without Madonna’s intervention the masses may go to the ballot-box and blindly check that accursed Republican box. That’s the same ticket Hitler ran on, if her recent concert footage is accurate.

If recent information that hecklerspray has received turns out to be true, Madonna’s boy Rocco was actually conceived when she did it with a Buddha statue. If other information is true, Republican presidential nominee John McCain is personally responsible for ruthlessly slaughtering six million Jews during WWII for no reason other than ethnicity.

He was also the one-man brain-trust behind the murder of pretty much the entire Ndebele tribe deep in the wilds of Zimbabwe. Also, he intentionally caused Hurricane Katrina with a strategically placed leaf blower deep in the Mexican Gulf. The bottom line here is that McCain is clearly a Satanist, and if he gets elected it’ll cause a worldwide goat, chicken and cat shortage.

This would be quite detrimental to smaller countries with economies based on those three things. Like Canada.

Madonna offers concrete evidence of every single one of those allegations. The New York Post sums things up:

Madonna kicked off her Sticky & Sweet Tour on Saturday night at Millennium Stadium in Cardiff, Wales. The BBC reported that the two-hour show took a political turn when, in a lead-in to a remixed version of Like a Prayer, a video sequence showed flashing images of destruction followed by pictures of Hitler, Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe and then Senator John McCain.

Senator Barack Obama popped up in another video interlude, but his montage included Gandhi, John Lennon and Al Gore.”

In a courtroom, with all of that properly presented, McCain would already be serving a life sentence. Of course that courtroom would have to be in Salem, Massachusetts several hundred years ago, but you see what we mean.

Thank you Madonna. Also, thanks for reminding us that Al Gore is akin unto Gandhi. All this time we thought the similarities ended with the loin cloths.