Jessica Simpson is now marketing something that kills your braincells on the notion that it’s a ‘smart’ choice.

The ironing is delicious. Though, let’s face it, probably intentional too.

Yes, the girl that did some stuff once, apparently, is the new face of the Stampede Brewing Company‘s beer that’s supposed to be good for you, Stampede Light Plus. Which is, let’s be brutally honest here, the dumbest thing that’s ever happened. Both Jessica Simpson and the fact that a beer is marketed as being good for you.

Putting vitamins in something doesn’t make it a magical elixir that cures all ailments – it makes it a beer with vitamins in it. And as for the light tag – well, thankfully that’s never taken off over here in Blighty. Good lord that would truly be hell on earth.

But faced with these inescapable truths, country superstar Jessica has refused to yield and has signed up to be a marketing whore, appearing in adverts for the ‘healthy’ beer and netting herself a 15 percent stake in the company as payment. Which does, of course, indicate that maybe she isn’t as thick as we all thought.

Either that or she just has a damn fine agent (or it was her dad). We need to get us one of those – a hecklerspray-branded beer would be the stuff of kings, clearly. Plus we wouldn’t lie and say it’s good for you, it’d just be a lager that slagged you off and was generally quite acerbic, if not misunderstood by many American consumers.

Far from just releasing some information and some adverts, there were also some quotes thrown the way of the press – thank god for that! Speaking with her mouth, Jessica Simpson said these inspiring, enlightening things:

“As an entrepreneur, I am always looking for ways to diversify my portfolio with good ideas and good people. Yes, I work out and take care of myself, but I also like a cold beer once in awhile.”

The words: “entrepreneur,” “diversify” and “portfolio” lead us to believe that someone else prepared that statement for young Jessie, but the quoting fun didn’t dry up there. The president and chief executive of Stampede, Lawrence Schwartz, said these wholly believable things:

“She’s the face of the brand now. Jessica is America’s sweetheart and an internationally known entertainer who takes care of herself. You can see it in her smile, her skin, her confidence and her obvious physical fitness.”

Which probably – let’s be honest here – means she doesn’t actually drink a great deal of beer. Not to the extent the company would like people to drink, at least. Though her mental fortitude does indicate she has had a lot of brain cells killed off, so who are we to say? Not Pamela Anderson, that’s for sure.

But, as with any quoting frenzy, the best has to be saved for last. Weighing in with his opinion, Gary Hemphill, senior VP for consulting and financial services firm Beverage Marketing Corp let loose this fact nugget:

“Health and wellness attributes are driving virtually every new product and overall growth in non-alcoholic beverages, but this hasn’t happened to the same extent with alcoholic beverages–maybe because when people think ‘healthy,’ they generally don’t run for the bar.”

Nail. Head. Etc.

Stampede and Jessica’s ad campaign has the slogan “Be Smart, Drink Smart.” We’re actually overwhelmed with what we could put in response to that, so instead we’ll just leave the floor open to you, our readers.