liam gallagher - HecklerSpray

Liam Gallagher Should Be Thrilled That Idris Elba Deigned To Touch Him

September 24th, 2013 By Natalia Kemble

Though it’s sadly looking unlikely that Idris Elba will be the next James Bond, he continues to make straight women and gay men (and, let’s be honest, the occasional straight man and lesbian) want to fuck him, most recently on the October cover of GQ, which features him looking highly fuckable and sporting his signature “I want to fuck you” eyes.

The accompanying article is full of a number of interesting factoids, including that he once stole his dad’s golf cart, briefly raised a child that wasn’t his because the mother told him it was, and used to sell drugz. Though it sounds like he sold only weed, he’s probably charming enough to get nuns to try meth, so, good thinking, whoever helped get drug dealer on Elba’s CV.

Liam Gallagher Likes Picking On People With Mental Health Issues

November 14th, 2011 By Michael Park

Are you a big Liam Gallagher fan? One of those people that claims that ‘Definitely Maybe?’ is one of the finest albums ever made and believes the knuckle-dragging Gallagher brother to be a tortured musical genius? Read something else. This article isn’t for you.

Why is it not for people like that? It’s simple: those people are wrong.

Gallagher is so obsessed with his own self-anointed position of “Outspoken Rock Star” that he’s pretty much willing to take a pop at anyone for no reason whatsoever. If he’s not telling reporters that he wants to kill people who use twitter or hiding in a corner, terrified of the moving little men in his television, our Liam is having a dig at people with mental health issues.

Liam Gallagher: Scared Of Technology And Wants To Shoot Tweeters

November 10th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Regressive simpleton and spokesman for the thunderously stupid, Liam Gallagher, has decided that his opinion is worth a shouting at everyone… almost like people who use twitter. Y’know? Shouting at the ether?

And oddly enough, he’s decided to drag his knuckles into view and start shooting his lantern gob off about twitter like a frightened troglodyte frightened of a passing automobile.

Basically, he thinks twitter is for dicks.

Noel Gallagher Continues To Be Badly Drawn Boy Tribute Act With Snippet Of New Song, ‘I’d Pick You Every Time’

September 28th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Since Oasis split-up, we’ve literally been beside ourselves with apathy. The Gallaghers went from being feuding in the same band to… well… feuding in bands that sound like Oasis. It’s almost like nothing’s happened at all.

Still, with that, we’ve got twice the opportunity to peer at their collective work, with Liam’s Beady Eye churning out grot-boogie and Noel… well… turning into Badly Drawn Boy.

And he’s got a new record out and you can hear a snippet of new song – ‘I’d Pick You Every Time’.

Noel Gallagher Announces Manchester Hating Tour Dates

August 2nd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Manchester. What a stupid, damp city. Swarms of middle-aged idiots in Adidas Samba waddle around with their bowed Ian Brown legs poking out from their khaki jackets and dreadful moddish haircuts, all recalling a time when it was alright to ‘ave it.

Alas, those Madchester days are long behind them, leaving them nostalgic and pink faced from cans of Stella, clutching their copies of It’s Great When You’re Straight, Yeah and feeling more mellowed toward The Smiths since Johnny Marr started acting like one of them.

And sure, while bands like The Enemy and Kasabian are around to plug a gap, there’s nowt like a band of Manc gobshites to really scratch that itch. So when Oasis split, the world seemed over. But then! Lo! Liam Gallagher brought Beady Eye to be the rebirth of NoWaySis which they could shout “COME ON!” in their Pretty Green t-shirts! And then Noel Gallagher released a sensitive solo single which reflected The Manc’s new, softer outlook on the world which coincided with the birth of their first daughter – Stacey. All they need is a night out with Noel. A gig to relive the glory years. BUT WAIT. What’s this? No show?

The Video Of Noel Gallagher’s New Tune Propels The Usual Beatle Myths

August 7th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Since Oasis split, people have been dividing themselves up into two camps – Camp Liam And His Beady Eye and Team Noel And His High Flying Birds. Weirdly, all this taking of sides clouds the fact that both parties are prone to releasing very average music.

The irony here is that the feuding siblings are actually turning into Lennon versus McCartney, whom they both so dearly admire. Alas, their heroes were also prone to making distinctly average solo records after the Beatles split.

So if Liam sees himself as the aggressor with forays into manly sensitivity, then Noel is fast becoming the Macca, complete with cod-thoughtful lyrics and a little more musical adventure than his brother who is determined to fly the flag for rock ‘n’ roll (which has been dead for years).

Liam Gallagher Reveals Dislike Of Mumford & Sons’ Style In Unfortunate ‘Pot, Kettle, Black’ Incident

June 22nd, 2011 By Michael Park

Liam Gallagher, a man who facially resembles a cross between a Dickensian henchman and a brain damaged howler monkey, is well known for holding certain controversial views on the world around him. He’s the kind of gent that, if he were punch a GPS satellite out of the sky for ‘looking at him funny’, most people wouldn’t be 100% surprised.

Now, the former front brother of Oasis has decided to launch into a fashion crusade in an effort to clean up the image of some of music’s biggest stars. The bowl-cut-toting funster’s love of the finer fashions have often seen comparisons drawn between him and some of the most flamboyant characters in modern celebrity and fashion.

Who can forget that parka that he wore at Glastonbury 1996, T in the Park 1998, V Festival 2005, Knebworth well, actually… pretty much every live show that Oasis have done**. Still, it had a nice furry hood and was very practical in the winter, according to his mummykins.

Gallagher Brothers Boring Feud Rolls On Despite Their Collective Irrelevancy

June 17th, 2011 By Michael Park

Oh no! The world’s coming to an end! First Oasis, the greatest band in the world ever split up and now the Gallagher brothers can’t even reunite to watch one of them swagger down the aisle with his beloved lass.

It’s a terrible world that we live in, folks but we’re just going to have to accept it.

The Beady Eye frontman – who has avoided his sibling since their group Oasis split in August 2009 following a series of explosive rows – insists he hasn’t been invited to tomorrow’s nuptials between the John Lennon’s failed clone and Sara MacDonald, in spite of Noel’s recent admission that he wanted the knuckle-dragging, droning ape to squeeze his hair-covered torso into a tuxedo and swing his way to the church.

Liam Gallagher Is All Spiritual Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan

April 11th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Liam Gallagher is a man who has shown no mercy for absolutely anyone on Earth, including his own reflection. He’s tooted drugs, swilled special brew and had his teeth knocked out while swaggering around like a braying scally faecal hammock, ready to spout off about anything and everything.

Sadly, like most pigeon chested indie frontmen, he doesn’t even come close to having the talent to back up his ego, which invariably makes him all the more likeable or interesting as a pop culture case-study.

However, all that boorish bad boy nonsense could be a thing of the past because now, he’s into sardines and spirituality (which in fairness, sounds like an Oasis LP title).

Beady Eye, Paul Weller And Other Has-Beens Raise Money For Japan

April 4th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

If Japan hadn’t suffered enough, last night, they had a gig which featured Beady Eye, Paul Weller and Richard Ashcroft on their consciences too. Someone should do a further benefit gig for them to cope with this newest slop of news.

Even though the gig did a good thing by raising over ?150,000 for the victims of the horrifying tsunami and earthquake, that doesn’t mean we should eschew our obligation to mock the collection of awful, awful feathered cod-mod haircuts that were on show.

Not to mention the terrible, plodding, faux-anthemic white boy rock peddled by a bunch of bloated blokes in bootcut jeans.