Admit it, the highlight of your November was going to involve examining Levi Johnston’s penis for protruding veins.
Well not any more, tough guy. That just isn’t going to happen. Sure, ever since Levi Johnston first announced his upcoming Playgirl spread, everyone had assumed that he’d whap his willy around at some point – but now the Playgirl photoshoot has taken place, and we’re sad to report that Levi Johnston keeps it covered up throughout.
Obviously by ‘sad to report’ we mean ‘sad that our lives have reached a point where we’re expected to express emotion based on whether or not an opportunistic redneck has displayed his genitalia in a magazine for money or not’, but you get the point.
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Is it just us, or has the sexual tension between Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston become too much to take?
It’s just us? Oh fine, spoil our dreams. Anyway, Sarah Palin and Levi Johnstone have spent the last few days lobbing grenades at each other in the media. Levi – the father of Sarah Palin’s illegitimate grandchild – has accused Palin of referring to her youngest child, who has Downs syndrome, as ‘retarted’, and Sarah Palin has responded by getting all “He’s not retarded, you’re retarded” back at him. We’re paraphrasing.
But Levi Johnston will have the last laugh – he’s allowed a man to photograph his genitals for cash. Top that, Palin. Actually, don’t.
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Levi Johnston is like buses. Specifically big, stupid-looking sexually-misinformed, culturally-notorious buses.
Let us explain. Like buses, you can go your whole life waiting for one woefully opportunistic grasp for ephemeral celebrity from Levi Johnston, and then two come along at once. You might remember earlier this week when Levi Johnston decided to cash in his fame as the father of Sarah Palin‘s illegitimate grandchild by doing a TV commercial for some pistachio nuts. Well that’s nothing.
Because Levi Johnston will soon pose naked for Playgirl. Finally we’ll get to see the dick that ruined Sarah Palin’s election hopes. Oh no, wait, that was Sarah Palin.
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