Letters - HecklerSpray

Readers’ Letters – Some Scripture For Bill Murray [Video]

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

There’s nothing weirder than finding people who are so obsessed with something that they’re willing to go to any length of internet-based conflict in order to defend their nonsensical beliefs. It is a trait most often seen in fans of Muse, Twilight, INXS, Queen and, quite inexplicably, Larry David. There are few things that hecklerspray writers love more than these people. The ‘whine’ of fans.

And so we come to our weekly perusal of our post, the time that- for us- is the closest we’ll ever come to having sex with Ann Widdicombe. We approach the post bag with a mixture of terror and morbid curiosity with only a modicum of sexual excitement, we reach out our shaking, clammy paws.

Find out what becomes of us over the jump…

Readers’ Letters: In Which You All Dribble Over Scarlett Johansson’s Breasts [Video]

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

Every week, we have the unfortunate task of picking our way through your crusted correspondence to find the most depraved, hideous scrawlings to put on the site for everyone to laugh at. This week, it was a little bit easier as our drooling mass of a readership left a slug trail right to some of the most sexually-charged content that has ever deposited itself in our post bag thanks to a certain Ms. Scarlett Johansson.

Yes, everyone’s favourite bombshell had her phone hacked as hecklerspray brought the curious masses a skin-exclusive and everyone wanted to get in touch to reveal their masturbatory habits. There’s also veiled threats from Kasabian’s representatives, a singing Michael Jackson and a screaming INXS nutter, all with Editor Mof just over the jump.

Britney Spears Has A Dildo-Fanatic Stalker

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Britney Spears has all the luck. Not only is she rich and in possession of all her marbles, but now a stranger keeps sending her parcels full of dildos too, the lucky cow.

It's been reported that Britney Spears has somehow managed to pick herself up a stalker. Not just any stalker either, but one who keeps sending her packages of sex toys, threatening porno letters and mutilated pictures of himself squirting an unidentified yellow liquid into his mouth.

The details of Britney Spears' alleged stalker have now been passed on to the FBI, which seems like an odd thing to do. After all, he sounds like a better catch than Kevin Federline.

People Still Going On About Princess Diana

March 31st, 2009 By Matthew Laidlow

When we were walking back from the pub one evening, a man suddenly jumped out in front of us and gave us a warning. “Be careful of your actions, for they will mould the rest of your life”. "Umm, OK" we thought as the trampy looking bloke ran in to the night.

However, we hold our hands up now and admit this incident has come true. We all know about Princess Diana. She was the people’s princess, the princess of hearts. Despite being dead for over ten years now, she is still making the news. Just think of her as the equivalent of Tupac. But still, Mohamed Al Fayed claims the Duke of Edinburgh was behind a plot to murder Diana and his son Dodi before they got married. But some just-unearthed letters say he might not have been, actually. It’s almost like some sort of bad film script.