A title sure to attract Goths, gore-hounds and repetitive strain injury victims across the country.

Lesbian Vampire Killers is a title is so audacious, so in your face, so silly, it should probably be less of a surprise that the film can’t live up to its promise.

Thrusting current ‘it’ boys from the vastly overrated Gavin and Stacey, Mathew Horne and James Corden play the two best buds Jimmy and Fletch. Jimmy (Horne, recently-dumped) and Fletch (Corden, craving adventure), decide to take a scenic camping trip to some generic creepy village. Problem is, it only features one house, a pub, an endless forest and obviously the aforementioned lesbian vampires.

If that set-up doesn’t sound contrived enough, then add to that a director who starts off like an ADHD victim on ecstasy, who inexplicably goes cold turkey half way through the film. He aims for Edgar Wright but comes off more Edgar Shite. He could have at least stuck to his convictions.

It’s then down to Horne and Corden to supply the buddy-banter comedy. Scrap that – it’s down to Corden. Horne’s Jimmy does little more than stand around screaming, moaning and looking slightly feminine. Corden brings the funny, but for a clearly talented man he is reduced to spouting out a barrage of knob jokes.

The ladies of the film do nothing to add to the proceeding. Not that we went in looking for it, but when a film clearly advertises a film about lesbian vampires we would at least expect something towards titillation. Hell, we would’ve settled for some titters at all from the 90-minutes.

Trying to make sense of the mess is hard work. At one point one very non-lesbian vampire character obtains some sort of magical powers for a brief moment, which left us slightly perplexed. But needless to say this is the least of the film’s worries. With hap-handled plot, romance, action and comedy elements, there really isn’t much to be seen here from two of the UK’s biggest rising stars.

Lesbian Vampire Killers is a film that should do exactly what it says on the tin but barely could be called Bi-curious Bat Beaters. Horne and Corden do their best to enjoy the material but we seriously think there is a complaint to be made here to the trading standards commission.

[story by David Scarborough]

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