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What is Kevin Costner famous for? Well, he sang I Will Always Love You and said “back, and to the left” for five hours straight in JFK and… uh… he was in the terrible Waterworld. And that’s about it.
And now, getting the chance to redeem himself from such atrocities, he now being lamer than a horse sanctuary, wimping out of Quentin Tarantino’s ‘Django Unchained’.
Thank god we’ve got Kurt Russell – a real man – to take his place. Whaddaguy!
Tobey Maguire – recently confirmed to produce a new ‘gritty’ version of The Little Mermaid ha ha ha ha ha ha ha – is playing dumb at the moment after being accused of having an illegal gambling ring which also featured Matt Damon, Leonardo DiCaprio and Ben Affleck.
Imagine the conversations they have around the table. It must be like putting your ear to a sea-shell and listening to a hermit crab fall asleep mid-wank.
Anyway, the man who ruined Spiderman for everyone was named in an illegal gambling suit in which he was sued for taking part in a game with jailed criminal Bradley Ruderman.
When Quentin Tarantino makes a movie, it is always interesting to see who he’ll cast. He plunders old b-movie actors and the like, putting them up against proper A-listers. He also clearly gets aroused over Uma Thurman’s massive feet, but that’s another story.
While we can’t guess where he’ll go for his cult actors, it appears that the big name attached to his new slavesploitation flick, Django Unchained, is the one and only Leonardo DiCaprio who weirdly can’t act and isn’t that good-looking anymore, but still seems to get gigantic roles.
Sadly, one name that has dropped out of the race is Will Smith who isn’t so keen on playing the title role of slave Django. Shame. It would’ve been interesting to see how the two would have worked together, so we guess we’ll just have to wait and see which action movie Smith with gurn in next.
Remember how Blake Lively (yes, we’ve checked – that really is the name her parents bestowed on her) has never been naked in her entire life, let alone whipped out a smartphone and snapped pictures of her junk?
Well, after reps howled that the snaps were “100 percent FAKE!”, the hacker who circulated the photographs has decided to hit back.
And they’ve decided to hit back with a further 17 naked pictures of the Gossip Girl and hand-holder of Leonardo DiCaprio.
We say Blake Lively, and you say “Who? She’s got a funny name though!” Well, she’s… uh… y’know? She was in Gossip Girl. Didn’t watch it? She was in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants too. How dare you suggest we made that film up! It was really… well… we haven’t seen it. She rumoured to be Leonardo Dicaprio’s current beau. Does that count for anything? No?
So why on Earth are we writing about this person of absolutely no interest or cultural value? Because there’s leaked photographs of her being completely naked online, that’s why! And she happens to be Leonardo Dicaprio’s current beau.
Or, more appropriately, ALLEGED nude photos. That’s because she’s denying that these pictures are real and, so certain is she that she’s willing to take legal action about it.
Look at Leonardo DiCaprio and you may think ‘hasn’t he got a strange face?’ Some think he’s terribly handsome, while others think that he somehow still looks like a boy AND a weather beaten old shoe at the same time. There’s something eerie about him, like when you see a toddler with a moustache drawn-on in felt-tip.
Well, another reason his face might seem a little odd is because it once got bottled by a nutjob leaving him getting 17 stitches.
There’s still no excuse for that woeful goatee he’s been sporting all these years though. Read More >>>
Criminals are a cute and cuddly bunch, aren’t they? If they’re not pinching your wallet in an adorable fashion, they’re usually bludgeoning your head in.
That’s why we’ve compiled a list of our favourite charmers of the criminal underworld. Partly because we love you so much, partly because it ties in nicely with the release of Fatbelly: Chopper…Unchopped, a documentary about Mark ‘Chopper’ Read, available from August 2 on DVD.
Enough with the shameless advertising, you say? You’re here to read about the most Dick Dastardly delinquents of the criminal underworld; the type of moustache twirling charmers that manage to pinch a penny by sheer bravado. Well you’re in luck… after the jump.
Leonardo DiCaprio, you are an idiot. An actual, dribbling, barely comprehensible buffoon. Your stupidity alarms us.
Haven’t you been watching? What’s the most important lesson that anybody has learnt over the last couple of weeks? That’s right – that you don’t make Mel Gibson angry. You just don’t. You do whatever he says, because if you don’t you’ll end up on the receiving end of 30 increasingly terrifying phonecalls where Mel Gibson will swear at you, tell you that you deserve to be raped, berate you for lack of enthusiasm when it comes to oral sex and pant like a weirdo for upwards of 45 minutes at a time. To reiterate, YOU DON’T MAKE MEL GIBSON ANGRY.
So what has Leonardo DiCaprio done? He’s decided that he doesn’t want to be in Mel Gibson’s new film any more. The idiot. May God have mercy on his soul.
